Guns of Michelle Obama
Fightin Words

NEW YORK, May 15 (UPI) -- Fashion model Iman says Michelle Obama, wife of U.S. President Barack Obama, is no "great beauty," but does have other admirable characteristics.
The 53-year-old model, who also has her own perfume and skin care products, said the first lady should get better with age instead of struggling with her looks as most women of "great beauty" do, Parade magazine reported online Friday.
"Mrs. Obama is not a great beauty," Iman told the publication. "But she is so interesting looking and so bright. That will always take you farther. When you're a great beauty, it's always downhill for you. If you're someone like Mrs. Obama, you just get better with age."
While Michelle Obama is the first black first lady, Iman was among the first black supermodels. The Somalia-born model told Parade magazine breaking through that fashion barrier was difficult for her.
"I did feel a bit ostracized," she said. "You suddenly represent a whole race, and that race goes, 'Well, that person does not represent our ideals of beauty.'"
One might say if anything jumped off pitting a Super Model against a girl from the South Side of Chi-Town is just plain unfair! Except that Iman’s athletic back ground is quite impressive. “Basically, I run little Lexi. But I do work out. I go to the gym when I can. 3 times a week. And I walk everywhere.” Iman. What she did not mention is that she walks for miles and that she spends no less than three hours per trip to the gym and she started kickboxing before it became popular. Iman is descended from warrior class royalty in Somalia and she loves a good scrap. She never lost a fight in the catholic girl’s boarding school her parents sent her to when she was a girl. Rosie O’Donnell says of their fight scene in the movie “Exit To Eden” “The director told us to tussle a bit naturally so as to give the scene authenticity so I thought I better be careful with this little thing so I won’t hurt her. To my surprise she was not only strong but tough and mean; she rolled me on to my back and kicked me in the head! I had to ask for a “timeout”. After Iman kicked her in the head butted her in the face then rolled her on to her back into a grapevine press Rosie begged the director for choreography. Michelle Obama is equally devoted to her fitness routine, telling People magazine this summer that she manages a 90-minute workout three times a week. But that is not what makes her a dangerous fighter:
The First Lady was always the smart girl and the good girl growing up; however it was the South Side and sometimes she had to fight. Her parents especially her dad Frazier Robinson insisted the Michelle be “the lady” so news of any fighting was not tolerated. Michelle would never want to disappoint her courageous father and noble mother so she designed a system to do battle when she had to; Michelle learned to box and wrestle from her big brother Craig and she struck a deal with anyone she fought :
1.    The fight had to be in private
2.    If she won neither her nor the loser would ever speak of it.
This would ensure her parents never finding out hence give her a reason for being “undefeated”

Normally Michelle would not let such a petty and thoughtless comment bother her but Iman could not leave well enough alone. She was approached by several friends who told her that her comments were a kind of “backhanded” compliment. Iman then sent a private note to the First Lady apologizing for her insensitivity...well kinda.
“Dear Mrs. Obama
It has come to my attention that I have inadvertently insulted your looks in a recent interview with a certain periodical. For this I sincerely apologize. (The note should have ended here)...What I was trying to say was that your look was a genetic look passed down from your mother who has a unique look and passed on to your girls who have interesting features of their own”… the was more to the note but Michelle stopped reading right there. “No she did not! Call my mama and my babies ugly in one sentence! Michelle exclaimed. Michelle was enraged and her aid was trying to calm her down “Madam First Lady perhaps it’s a language thing you know a cultural thing” she postulated. “Language and culture hell! The booty scratchin’ byatch has been in and out of the United States for over forty years and she speaks reads and writes over four languages! Call Deacon!” But Mrs. Obama, she pleaded. “But Mrs. Obama my juicy black @$$! Call Deacon and set it up!”
Needless to say a day later as I was leaving my new loft in Houston at the corner of Eldridge and Briar Forrest, two uncredentialed “men in black” types showed up in a fancy black unmarked SUV blocking my exit from my parking lot in Houston near the corner of Briar Forest and Eldridge.
“Deacon” said the taller dark haired one.
I spun around trying not to look startled that two white men in dark suits came up from behind in my private parking garage.
“Yes may I help you?”
“Yes sir this is a matter of National Security”
“Oh? And how can I be of service?”
“We need you to organize a match”
“A match? Between who and whom?” (I wasn’t sure if my English was correct but I said it with confidence such that they seemed satisfied)
“That is the National security part; you will not know who the combatants are until the match begins”
“OK”
“Deacon you have seven days to choose and set up a secure location in a rural area outside of Houston, we will contact you at that time for the coordinates. After we have check the area out we will retrieve you and carry you there to referee”.
“Referee?”
“Referee, you have seven days Deacon he said as they turned toward a black unmarked SUV {when I say unmarked I mean the SUV had no markings not even plates; wonder how they kept from being stopped}
Normally I would have had my realtor find me a place but this transaction had to be virtually untraceable. Hence it involved a Track Phone, a DBA for a Corporation that is only on paper, a cash paid, no paper work “as is” used car from a Shepherd Ave Used Car Dealer, a Green Sheet periodical and an alias I have not used since the Civil Right days.
Because the First Lady may want to use the facility again (i.e. Sarah Palen, Carla Bruni and a certain former First Lady) and I can’t divulge its location or any details.
So it went a little bit like this:
Iman was dressed in the same outfit she wore in “Exit To Eden” except she had no heels, she had head gear, scorpion gloves and a protective mouthpiece.
Mrs. Obama surprised and delighted me by wearing: (Sasha would be proud)
With matching head gear, mouthpiece and scorpion gloves.
Both beauties were bare foot.

I brought them to the center of the ring I was briefed on the rules as I entered the venue:
One fall, one hour time limit, no timeouts, the fall was to be in phases; phase one boxing for fifteen minutes, phase three extreme wrestling for fifteen minutes and finally phase three mixed extreme martial arts until submission or knockout. If there is no winner at the end of the time period then sudden death occurs where a small 10’ x 10’ iron cage will be lowered and the light will be lowered to darkness. I would be given night vision eye gear to call the winner. The losers by tap submission, verbal submission or knock out will Labium pinned for a ten count. None the less in either case the loser will bow to the winner and say whatever the winner wants.
I said “fight!” back away and they went at it like Liala Ali and Jackie Frasier; toe to toe they rocked each other from jawbone to ribcage giving no quarter and asking none. Suddenly Michelle showed her superior technique by crouching down so that her head was about the height of her opponent's sternum.  Then moved her head out of his target range of vision temporarily.  Michelle dropped out of sight very quickly, firing three straight right hands to Iman’s rib cage, sternum, and under her right tit. Iman whimpered then dropped to her left knee. The bell rang just then for phase two and Michelle got behind the East African beauty and mounted her with a reverse chin-lock leg scissor combo complete with fries. Michelle’s muscular arms were wrapped so firmly about the models jowl that Iman could only moan and dribble on to Michelle’s sinewy elbow. Iman’s teary eyes and singly veined forehead popped out simultaneously. The ruddiness of her ginger tinted carapace radiated every time Michelle’s mighty thighs and buttocks flexed for pressure. Imans only relief came when the next bell rang out.
The First Lady release her hold and quickly grabbing Iman by her short tress and her left ear raising her to her feet for a knee strike to the sternum.
Iman was now bent over and moaning; unable to even surrender. Michelle was not interested anyway because she wanted to inflict a lil more Chi-Town Pain. Now Michelle snaked her way around Iman’s long frame and locked on a Japanese abdominal stretch then quickly converted into the reclining "Octopussy" Hold 
Iman surrendered aloud in all four languages she was fluent in. Michelle demanded she bow before her and apologize to her mother and daughters then lie down and take the count. Michelle did not make the count easy; each count involved a flex, rotation and suction. Michelle many maneuvers were devastating indeed but the beginning of the end for Iman it was the “Guns of Michelle Obama”