(Bell Rings and scary music, mixed in with sinister laughter, plays throughout the arena)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first to my right, from Manila, Philippines! She stands in at four feet and eleven inches tall and weighs in at one hundred and one pounds, here is Charmaine Parcero!

Gorilla Monsoon: Welcome, wrestling fans, to Manila, Philippines. And here is our first match.

BOBBY HEENAN: Who’s she up against?

ANNOUNCER: And her opponent, hailing from hell itself! He is accompanied to the ring by Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan, he stands in six feet and two inches tall and weighs in two hundred and ten pounds, here is Mr. Kurot!

(Crowd boos)

GM: Mister Kurot!? What the heck kind of a name is that!?

BH: From what I’ve read, Gorilla, it means ‘pinch’ in these parts.

GM: (scoffs) Pinch. What a name for a six-foot-two, two-hundred-and-ten-pound monster!

BH: Look at his get-up. A black bodysuit with a red devil-shaped mask. Wow, how intimidating!

GM: Intimidating indeed, Brain. Charmaine has her work cut out for her.

BH: She looks nicer by comparison. I mean, look at her! Dressed like an Olympic gymnast, barefoot and wearing a purple-and-pink leotard.

(Music stops and the bell rings)

GM: Charmaine’s backing away. Good idea…….

BH: Maybe she would have been better off sticking with that gymnastics routine we saw just a few minutes ago…..

GM: You said it, Brain, because here comes Mister Kurot, approaching her while she backs away into the ropes!

BH: Look at his eyes. I can detect a mixture of emotions right there. One says, ‘I am on a mission’, and the other says, ‘What the hell kind of opponent is this’?

GM: Poor young Charmaine!

BH: Look! She takes a deep breath and charges towards him, full speed ahead. She throws himself at his mammoth thighs and…..

GM: No effect. Like she ran into a literal tree trunk.

BH: Back up on her feet again, runs towards the ropes, and aims for his legs again.

GM: Once again, a colossal fail.

BH: Now, it’s his turn. He pulls her to her feet and shoves her backward.

GM: And charges towards her, full speed ahead, and she falls back-first onto the mat! Wow! Like a truck hitting you at a murderous high rate of speed.

BH: Surprised it didn’t kill her.

GM: Yeah…..

BH: Look, Gorilla, not even a chance to recover as he pulls her to her feet and nails her with a hard, right hand.

GM: Now, he picks her up and backs her into the ropes.

BH: What’s he gonna do with her? I hate to think, a big, middle-aged man with a small, young woman.

GM: Oooh, he just threw a knee into her gut. Is that what you mean?

BH: That, plus dating.

GM: I don’t think he wants to date her, because now he just grabbed her hair and dragged her to the center of the ring.

BH: Another knee to the gut, followed by a hard forearm to the middle of her back.

GM: Down on all fours now. No time to even absorb the blow as he delivers a double axe handle blow right to the middle of her back.

BH: Look at the size of those fists! It’s like having a bunch of rocks drop down on you from the sky!

GM: Look at him, scowling at the crowd.

BH: These humanoids should be scared. No wrestler I ever managed was as scary as him!

GM: Charmaine’s just rubbing her back now, and he’s walking over to her. What’s he going to do to her now?

BH: Just like any demon of hell would want to do to anyone. Torture that person! You see, to him, it is not about winning or losing, it is about inflicting as much pain on a body as possible.

GM: Provided he doesn’t kill that person……

BH: Look, he’s grabbed her hair, but he’s not pulling her to her feet. He’s…..He’s…… kneeling down next to her.

GM: And he’s lifting her face off the mat……

BH: And ramming it back down onto the mat. How’s that for a facial re-arrangement?

GM: Brain, will you stop?

BH: He’s doing it again, and again, and again. Fourth time’s a charm!

GM: Poor Charmaine.

BH: He’s not done yet. He’s grabbed her hair once more and he’s pulled her…. not to her feet, but to her knees.

GM: And he’s raising his hand in the air and tilting her head to the side. What’s he gonna do?

BH: Well, the humanoids here don’t like it. Like he would care.

GM: Look, Brain! He’s pinching her right in the neck, near her carotid artery. And he’s holding on.

BH: Yikes! Her convulsing, that loss of consciousness…. He’s getting off on it.

GM: Referee checking on her, raising her hand….

BH: She’s out of it! Good night, ham n’ egger.

(Bell rings and scary music plays again)

Announcer: And here is your winner, Mister Kurot.

GM: And now he nonchalantly throws her face-first to the mat and celebrates his victory.

BH: What an easy victory.

GM: You said it, Brain. Wait! What is Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan doing?

BH: He’s checking to see if she’s okay….

GM: I don’t think so. Oh, come on! He delivered a hard stomp to her back! Is that anyway to show respect to your opponent, especially a young woman like Charmaine Parcero?

BH: Uh, well……

GM: Don’t go away, wrestling fans. We’ll be right back!