Sting vs. Female Jobber
By Christopher Elieson

(The bell rings and the song, ‘Man called Sting’, plays throughout the ring.)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming down the aisle, from Venice Beach, California. He stands in six feet one inch tall and weighs in at two hundred twenty-five pounds, this is Sting!
(Crowd cheers)
TONY SCHIAVONE: Welcome, wrestling fans to TNA impact. I’m Tony Schiavone, along with Christopher Assaf!
CHRISTOPHER ASSAF: Hi, mom! Hi, Dad!
TS: We have our first match of the evening, Chris. Involving the STINGER!!
CA: Yeah, and to the delight of the fans……
ANNOUNCER: And his opponent, she hails from Toronto, Ontario, Canada! She stands in at five feet seven inches tall and weighs in at one hundred fifty pounds. Here is Sarah Assaf!
TS: Is that your sister, Chris?
CA: No!
TS: You sure? There seems to be a resemblance between you two. Plus, you’re both from Toronto…..
CA: Coincidences, okay? Now, can we just get on with the match!?
TS: Okay, okay!
(Bell rings and music stops playing)
CA: Look! I’m sorry! I’m……
TS: It’s okay! I understand. Anyway, Sarah looks festive in her light-purple one-piece and white boots.
CA: Yeah, I’ll give her that!
TS: Elbow-and-collar lock-up. Sarah trying to resist….
CA: Not for long, Tony! He backs her into the ropes and makes a clean break! Good sportsmanship right there!
TS: You said it, Chris! Sarah approaches him again and stares at him.
CA: Probably contemplating her next move, which may not be a bad idea.
TS: They’re locking up again. This time, Sting shoves her down to the mat.
CA: Boy, is he strong!
TS: Of course, he is a bodybuilder, after all!
CA: Sarah slowly gets to her feet….
TS: She doesn’t seem too sure about what to do….
CA: Hey! She turns and runs but wait! He runs after her, grabs her by the back of her bathing suit, and pulls her to his side!
TS: Just goes to show you, Chris, don’t mess with Sting or you will get stung.
CA: Sarah’s standing there, scared. Can you blame her?
TS: Oh, so you care about her, huh?
CA: Well…. I……
TS: Ooooh, a knee to her ribcage, followed by a forearm to her back!
CA: He pulls her to her feet and marches her towards the corner……
TS: And rams her head into the turnbuckle, turns her around, and follows up with a left and a right hook to the sides of her head.
CA: Is he going to end this quickly?
TS: I think so, Chris, because now he Irish whips her back first into the opposite ring post…..
CA: He backs up against the corner, and charges towards her, full steam ahead! This could be the end!
TS: Yes, Stinger Splash, and she falls face first onto the mat.
STING: Owwwww!
(Fans howl in response)
TS: He grabs her ankle, turns her over to her back, and lifts her legs up!
CA: Uh, oh! I think I know what this means!
TS: Yes! He spreads her legs slightly apart, steps through….
CA: Wraps her legs around his own leg, turns her over….
TS: And leans back! The crowd goes wild! That’s the Scorpion death lock, Chris! It’s over!
SARAH ASSAF: Aaaah! Let me go! Please!
CA: You hear that!? Like a tortured animal! I can hear it all way over here at the announce table.
TS: What a devastating move!
CA: Yeah! For both your legs and back!
(Bell rings and Sting’s music plays)
ANNOUNCER: Here is your winner, Sting.
TS: Once again, Sting wins another one!
CA: Yeah, and very easily, I might add. Anyway, stay tuned, wrestling fans, because we will be right back, right after these messages.