THE BUILD TO BITCHMANIA
by DARK CLOUD
In the aftermath of the PPV “QUEEN OF THE RING” there is a lot going on in the build up to the next PPV mega event which is the second annual Bitchmania.
One of the major items of business surrounds the World Tag Team Titles. After the shocking events where Megan Fox turned so brutally on her partner Angelina Jolie, of course, there is no way they will be continuing as Tag Team Champions. So Commissioner Catherine Zeta Jones comes on TV and declares the belts vacant and that an 8 team single elimination tournament will be on the undercard of Bitchmania II to determine the new Tag Team Champions.
Over the next couple of weeks various entrants to the tournament announce themselves : Nicki Minaj & Ciara ; Cobie Smulders & Alyson Hannigan ; Sofia Vergara & Shakira ; Katy Perry & Rihanna ; Iggy Azalea & Rita Ora ;Cameron Diaz & Charlize Theron ;Britney Spears & Miley Cyrus ; Elizabeth Hurley & Keira Knightley.
Brackets are announced as follows:
Katy Perry / Rihanna v. Cobie Smulders
Elizabeth Hurley / Keira Knightley v. Miley Cyrus / Britney Spears
Charlize Theron / Cameron Diaz v. Nicki Minaj / Ciara
Sofia Vergara /Shakira v. Iggy Azalea / Rita Ora
The tournament will be a big part of the biggest PPV of the year.
Elsewhere, Kim Kardashian continually appears on TV goading Jennifer Lawrence about the hacked nude photo leaks, mocking her for them and rubbing in her embarrassment about it. These two are headed to a match at Bitchmania, where Lawrence will make her debut in a wrestling ring but Kim seems awful cocky that she’s going to be the one that wins.
Also on TV in the lead up to the show there are regular updates from the hospital on Angelina Jolie’s condition as she recovers from a concussion in hospital. Megan Fox, meantime has spent the interim bashing Angelina, claiming she was a weak link and is scared to face her at Bitchmania and that the Federation is just protecting Angelina by not making the match.
Two weeks out from Bitchmania a Saturday Night’s Main Event takes place with the following a quick recap of it.
1. Miley Cyrus V. Alyson Hannigan
This was a fast paced athletic match up designed to put a spotlight on the tag tournament which red head Alyson wins with assistance from her tag partner Cobie Smulders. This draws Britney Spears into the ring after and the four have a wild brawl.
There follows an interview segment where Lindsay Lohan interviews Jennifer Lawrence about her upcoming in ring debut at Bitchmania. However, just as Jen starts to speak Kim Kardashian enters the ring and start to mock her. This allows Kim’s sisters Khloe and Kourteney enter the ring from behind her and nail Jen. The three Kardashian sisters then beat her down completely and tie her arms into the ring ropes and then tears Jennifer’s clothes from her body until she is stark naked on live TV and then the three bitchy sisters get their cell phones out and take all sorts of pictures of the angry and frustrated Miss Lawrence.
2. Ariande Grande / Taylor Swift v. Emma Watson / Victoria Beckham. Eva Green as special ref.
Another athletic match up that did much to showcase the speed and action packed style of Ariana and Taylor. Eva played things straight down the middle as referee, confronting both teams when they went to double team. Taylor picked up the victory after ten minute long match with a super high missile dropkick from the top turnbuckle garnering a three count while Ariana and Emma brawled at ringside.
The penultimate segment of this TV special sees the World Champion, Jennifer Aniston emerge. Clad in a sexy red dress and smirking as she pulls a leash that soon emerges to be attached to the electronic collar of her slave for 6 months Jennifer Love Hewitt. That stipulation is being strictly adhered to and that collar which can pass an electric shock through JLH’s body has a remote control that Aniston has constantly in her hand. And clearly Love Hewitt is becoming more and more compliant the longer she wears the collar. That night she is wearing a humiliating slutty French Maid’s outfit – impossibly high heels , a tiny frilly skirt and a low cut top that actually shows nipple. She teeters down behind her Mistress as Aniston strides towards the ring to address the crowd.
The crowd hate Jennifer Aniston, hate that she has the World Title and hate what she is doing to Jennifer Love Hewitt and boo her interview, much to her amusement. She kicks things off by making Jennifer Love Hewitt drop to her knees before her, call her Mistress and then clean her shoes with her tongue, finishing by making her lick the soles too whilst regaling everyone with what she may have trod in on her way to the arena. That show of power over she then got onto the subject of the Bitchmania World Title defence and Main Event against Kaley Cuoco. This is a match with history all the way back to the previous years Bitchmania where Jennifer turned on her then partner and ended up breaking her leg. She laughs about it and says she’s determined to do the same this year. That brings out Kaley and they face off in the centre of the ring and trade verbal insults until Commissioner Catherine Zeta Jones comes out, separates them and calls for the main event 6 woman tag match to get underway.
3. KALEY CUOCO /MELISSA RAUCH / COURTENEY COX v. JENNIFER ANISTON / MEGAN FOX / JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT
This was a long 6 person match that saw Aniston dodge locking up with Cuoco throughout. Instead Love Hewitt fought most of the match for her team somewhat reluctantly and as a result took quite the beating. Towards the end though Kaley finally gets her hands on Jennifer Aniston and gives her loads of kicks and chops and sends her sprawling, she eventually leaves, as does Fox and Melissa Rauch scores the pinfall of Jennifer Love Hewitt in 17:11.
However, as Megan Fox bails she is met on the entranceway by a fired up Angelina Jolie who cracks her on the head with a chair shot that knocks her off the ramp to the floor and Angelina takes a mic and announces she’ll see her at Bitchmania as she is accepting the challenge for a match despite the Federation ruling her not fit to return, hence it will be a non sanctioned falls count anywhere match.
This mega event gets under way with the four quarter final matches in the tournament to crown new World tag Team Champions after the belts were vacated due to the break-up of Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie’s Champions. The four matches are held under normal match rules with disqualifications active and strict 15 minute time limit. The four quarter finals are described below briefly.
The opening encounter pits the fan favourite team of Katy Perry and Rihanna against Cobie Smulders and Alyson Hannigan. The huge crowd is pretty pumped up when Katy and Rihanna appear, they are big favourites and it delights the crowd even more when the two pop superstars crush their opponents in double quick time. Alyson loses the fall when she is hit by a clothesline whilst balanced on Katy’s shoulders that turns the red head inside out. The winners in 4:01 are KATY PERRY & RIHANNA. As the losers depart Cobie is jumped by Scarlett Johansson and they brawl wildly to the backstage area until a posse of referees eventually break them up.
The second quarter final is rather more of a contest, as Elizabeth Hurley teams with Keira Knightley to take on Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. This is also a continuation of the hostilities between Liz’s Posh English Ladies and the rough gang of American youths they have been battling for months. The Trailer Park Trash team dominate the early minutes of the encounter but once Keira tags in Elizabeth Hurley the tables turn quickly. Liz is as determined as we’ve ever seen her, viciously smashing Britney and then when Miley gets tagged in taking over on her until eventually she powerbombs her three times in succession to get the winning three count. The winners in 8:12 are ELIZABETH HURLEY & KEIRA KNIGHTLEY. Liz isn’t quite finished though and as Keira occupies Britney she drags a barely conscious Miley Cyrus from the ring and delivers to evil looking powerbombs on the concrete floor that devastates the young blonde and leave her needing a stretcher to take her from the arena.
So we know our first semi-final, Perry & Rihanna versus Hurley & Knightley. And we see that on a graphic before we see Miley Cyrus being loaded into an ambulance and Britney and Selena Gomez accompany her to the hospital.
The tournament continues with Shakira & Sofia Vergara (the self styled Colombian Death Squad) taking on the Jennifer Lopez sponsored team of Iggy Azalea & Rita Ora. This was a really hard fought encounter with a few changes of momentum where each team looked like winning. Miss Lopez was at ringside and constantly goading her two Colombian rivals over her victories over them but she didn’t actually interfere until towards the end of the bout and Sofia had blonde Iggy’s face seemingly trapped in the copious flesh of her breasts and it looked like the Australian rapper must tap out. J-Lo reached under the ropes to pull Sofia’s’ legs from her and that kicked off a clusterfuck that saw Shakira launch herself at Lopez outside the ring before all four official combatants and Jennifer ended up brawling outside the ring and while they went at it the bell rang.
At first it appeared to be a double count out but the official announcement was that this was a 15:00 time limit draw and that both teams were eliminated.
That didn’t stop the brawl though and while the four official combatants fought through the crowd Jennifer Lopez watched them go before stalking back to the curtain. Where she bumped into the next team out Ciara and Nicki Minaj and the looks that Lopez and Minaj gave each other spoke volumes, two of the most famous ass’s in the world and clearly each woman had no love for the other!
It’s a look that passes though as the two black singers hit the ring and their final quarter final match against Klan members Charlize Theron and Cameron Diaz takes on extra significance because the winners will be straight through to the final with the previous match producing no winners. It’s a hard hitting bout and looks like it too may go all the way to the time limit until late on fellow Klan member Pink appears at ringside and when Ciara is tossed from the ring, Cameron distracts the referee whilst Pink nails a wicked DDT on the floor on Ciara before rolling her back in whereupon Cameron nails another DDT and gets the three count whilst Charlize charges at Nicki to prevent her stopping the count. The winners in 13:59 are CHARLIZE THERON & CAMERON DIAZ and after they celebrate with Pink while Nicki helps her partner to the back.
In the back Jennifer Lopez is being interviewed by Carmen Electra and the Latino is a cocky and smug as ever, talking up her girls Iggy and Rita, saying how they will destroy their Colombian rivals next time where isn’t a time restriction on them.
“And what about you Jennifer? What are your plans for the future? Is a run at the World Heavyweight Title in your sights?”
“Definitely, I mean no one…”
J-Lo cut off as Nicki and Ciara limped into view having returned through the curtain. Jennifer thought about it a moment but couldn’t resist speaking.
“Hey Nicki, how’d you get on? Another great win for you?”
The camera cut to Minaj whose nostrils flared and eyes went wild and with a guttural roar she released Ciara and charged at Lopez and the two had a vicious, short catfight that was finally broken up by five male officials with both singers making some violent threats against the other. It looks like we have a new feud in the Federation.
Away from the Tag Team Tournament the next match is the first singles encounter of the evening, bringing with it the much anticipated in ring debut of Jennifer Lawrence. But it is her opponent who appears first, Kim Kardashian, making her way down the entrance ramp to the ring flanked by her two sisters, Khloe and Kourtney.
The three sibling brunettes look like exactly what they are, smug, arrogant sluts. They are all clad in skimpy black two piece bikini’s and strut to the ring to one of Kanye’s West’s talentless piece of crap songs and a chorus of boos from the crowd. The crowd explodes to life when her opponent is announced and even more so when Miss Lawrence steps through the curtain wearing a black one piece and looking like she means business as she marches to ringside. Kim’s sisters make a lunge at Jennifer but get nailed with a double clothesline outside the ring as they do and after that the actress slides into the ring only for Kim to jump on her and the match is under way!
Kardashian is pretty primitive in her attack, clubbing the younger, smaller woman on the back and neck with a series of forearm shots that keep Jennifer on her knees. Not for long though as the blonde lashes out her right foot and connects with the side of Kim’s knee and staggers her, a second kick drops her to her knees and Jennifer is up, hitting the ropes and nails her with a hard, low dropkick that flattens the reality ‘star’. She was all action and dragged Kim to her feet by her long hair and Irish whipped her big breasted opponent into a corner before following in and unleashing a lightning fast barrage of knife edge chops that the crowd count along with right up to twenty!
Reeling from that Kim staggered from the corner and walked into a picture perfect superkick that connected sweetly with her chin and knocked her to the mat. Jennifer used Kim’s hair to drag her to the middle of the ring and flipped her onto her front, then she stepped up to stand right on Miss Kardashian’s back, reached down to grab her by the hair on one side and by her ankle at the other and fell back and pushed with her feet simultaneously in an agonising looking variation of a bow and arrow.
That was too much for a sap like Kim Kardashian and even though her sisters were up now and threatening to invade the ring to save her she quickly tapped the mat with her hand and submitted.
The winner in 1:54 is JENNIFER LAWRENCE. As their sister squeals out her surrender Khloe and Kourteney slide into the ring and break the hold and began stomping on Lawrence before hauling her up and tossing her to the ropes, dipping their heads for a double back drop. A typically dumb mistake from the bimbo’s as Jennifer stops herself, hooks both their head and crumples them with double DDT! With all three brunettes down Jennifer quickly strips them of their attire, bodyslams Kim on her back before positioning Khloe sitting on Kim’s face and shoving Kourteney’s face right in between Kim’s thick thighs thus humiliating all three massively with such a position right in centre ring with the eyes of the world on them.
Quite the debut for Jennifer Lawrence!
Fading from the ring we go to a video package from last year’s Bitchania World Tag Team Championship match where Jennifer Aniston turned on her partner, Kaley Cuoco and then ended up breaking her leg at the next PPV. This led to a year long battle back from Kaley and watching the footage is pretty powerful stuff, especially when the camera pans back to show Kaley watching the video on a big screen backstage. She stares at it intensely and doesn’t even notice Carmen Electra approaching, microphone in hand.
“Kaley. Kaley, how do you feel going into your first ever World Title match?”
Kaley looks at the footage of the unprovoked attack on her leg one more time then turns to Carmen and snarls.
“This is about more than the Title, I want revenge on that bitch and so help me God in that cage I will get it!”
So on to the first and now only semi final of the World Tag Team Championship tournament, pitching two teams who had fairly straight forward advances in the Quarter finals – Elizabeth Hurley & Keira Knightley versus Katy Perry and Rihanna.
With footage showing The Klan watching monitors in the back to see who they’ll face for the belts, the match starts with Katy matching up with Keira. This is basically a showcase for Katy Perry to show off her moves to kick things off. She locked up with Keira, powers her back to the neutral corner then nimbly brings her legs up and monkey flips the Englishwoman half way across the ring. After pounding on Keira’s face awhile Katy then hits a high dropkick and then a running clothesline followed by a leg drop to gain the first near fall of the match. Katy then ascends to the top turnbuckle and nails Keira with a perfect looking big splash, the impact of which nearly bounced Katy’s large tits out of her bra top before she made the cover and got an very close two count.
With her foe down Katy tags in Rihanna who displays a fearsome level of martial arts kicks on a now kneeling Keira Knightley, nailing her with several kicks to the sides before knocking her over with a roundhouse to the side of her head. This time the cover had to be broken up by Liz Hurley entering the ring and stamping down of Rihanna’s exposed ankle.
And that turned the tide. By the time Rihanna had got to her feet Keira was on her knees and scrambled over to smash into the damaged limb sending Rihanna toppling into her opponent’s corner. Keira made the tag and then we got an Elizabeth Hurley master class in working over an injured body part. She tripped Rihanna onto her back and grabbed the injured ankle and began tearing and wrenching at it before rolling Rihanna over then stepping into a single leg Boston Crab but with particular emphasis on turning that ankle joint in the wrong direction.
Rihanna was nearly in tears but when asked if she wanted to quit she bravely called “No!” and soaked up more pain and pressure.
With Katy Perry bouncing up and down on the ropes and entreating her partner to make the tag Liz Hurley took particular pleasure releasing her hold then deliberately stamping once more right on Rihanna’s ankle joint and grinding her boot into it before casually spitting at a shocked Katy, her saliva perfectly connecting with her heavily lipsticked lips.
The English heels went to work for over five long minutes on Rihanna’s ankle, mostly Elizabeth Hurley just pouring on pain and pressure but Keira got in on the act too with a sore looking Indian Deathlock that had the Barbadian beauty squealing in agony. She finally caught a break as Elizabeth held Rihanna by the ankle as she hopped awkwardly on her other foot but before Liz could hit the leg trip she was aiming for Rihanna leapt up and nailed her on the side of the head with a hard Enziguri kick that left both women sprawled on the canvas.
That brought the crowd back into it and with them cheering her on she made the hot tag to Katy Perry who charged into the ring and began throwing Liz Hurley from on corner to another before hitting bodyslams then a powerbomb for an ultra close two count.
Having roughly hauled Liz to her feet Katy then whipped her to the ropes whereupon Liz made a blind tag to Keira before bouncing back and being hit with a hard spinebuster by the waiting MIss Perry. She went for a cover but there was none and when she looked up got a hard kick to the head for her pains. Keira then his a legdrop and got a one count. Then she whipped Katy into the ropes and dropped her head for a big backdrop. Dumb move as Katy stopped herself, hooked Keira’s arms and just like that nailed a Pedigree than flattened the Englishwoman’s face into the canvas and got her the one, two, three for the win.
The winners of the Semi-Final match are RIHANNA & KATY PERRY in 10:31 and we’ll see them for a third time later on for the final of the tournament as they will clash with CHARLIZE THERON & CAMERON DIAZ for the vacant Tag Team belts.
Backstage we have the newest of the interview team, the debuting KATE UPTON, holding the microphone as a scarily intense MEGAN FOX addresses the audience and her former partner.
“You know Ang, we were never all that close. Sure we might have kissed and snogged and done all that stuff together but you were always the one holding me back, stopping me going too far. And last month you crossed the line and I didn’t stop. You know what I thought as I watched you bounce down those stone stairs Ang? I hoped it was permanent, that you couldn’t come back. Maybe it was? Maybe you are a fool to try coming back but now, I’m glad. I get to destroy you all over again in front of the biggest possible audience.”
Megan moved to turn away but rethought and turned back.
“And bitch, once I’m done beating you I’ve brought an old friend along that wants to say hello.”
At this Megan points to her crotch where she is sporting one of her (many) monstrous strap on dildo’s that she and Angelina used to use on their opponents with alarming regularity after defeating them.
Back to the ring where a regal tune flows through the arena as The Duchess Of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, and her entourage (Sister Pippa, bodyguard Eva Green and Commissioner Catherine Zeta Jones) make their way to ringside for their roles in the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
The title has been vacant since the Queen Of The Ring Pay-Per-View where long term Champion Emma Watson had apparently dropped the belt to Taylor Swift. Not so said new owner of The Federation, Kate Middleton, due to interference from various parties the match was void and this rematch would determine who really was the Champion. And to ensure no interference Kate and her entourage would serve as Ref, timekeeper, et all.
The first competitor out is Emma Watson, clad in a sexy, scarlet two piece she stops in front of The Duchess as she stands at the bottom of the entrance ramp and curtsies politely to her before walking past and sliding into the ring. Emma’s gang of English Posh Ladies are banned from ringside for this one. Then to one of her interminable pop songs emerges Taylor, looking thin and young and preppy in a red, white and blue two piece bikini. The youthful pop star skips down the ramp and walks straight past The Duchess only to be absolutely nailed with an incredible Lariat clothesline by Eva Green that literally turns the American inside out and upside down and throws her through 360 degrees before splatting on the concrete at ringside.
The crowd gasps at this and a cruel smile curls on Kate Middleton’s lips and she whispers to her bodyguard. Eva listens, nods , then picks up a motionless Taylor before sticking her head between her thighs, hoisting her up and dropping her down hard with a vicious powerbomb right on the steel entrance ramp!
There was a huge intake of breath as the impact sounded throughout the arena, Eva is scary powerful and just showed that. Taylor is completely knocked out and makes no move as Eva lifts her up by her hair and rolls her under the bottom rope. Kate Middleton slaps Eva’s hand, takes off her top to reveal a skimpy black and white striped referee half top and rolls into the ring and signals for Catherine Zeta Jones to ring the bell.
Rather than cover her unconscious opponent Emma cockily strips off Taylor’s bikini to reveal her slim body in all its naked glory to the watching world. Meantime, Taylor’s friends (those that are left in the building, remember Miley Cyrus is on her way to the hospital with Britney Spears and Selena Gomez with her) have seen this travesty occur and are charging to the ring to aid their colleague. Sarah Hyland, Ariana Grande and Ariel Winter charge down the ramp only to be confronted by Pippa Middleton, Catherine Zeta Jones and Eva Green. Then from behind emerge the rest of Emma’s gang a still tired Liz Hurley and Keira Knightley, Victoria Beckham and Kelly Brook. Outnumbered the teenage American girls are swiftly destroyed.
In the ring Emma has Taylor Swift naked and lying spread eagled in centre ring before carefully placing the sole of her boot right over her opponent’s mouth and nose and posing above her victoriously as Kate Middleton drops to her knees and easily counts to three.
The winner, and new (old) JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, in 00:45 is EMMA WATSON.
The crowd are none too happy about this turn of events and boo like crazy and pelt the ring with debris. The Duchess, in full blown heel mode, grabs a microphone and begins insulting the “fat American losers in the crowd”, tells them this is her promotion now and she’ll do what “she wants” and that first order of business is taking out the trash. At this she instructs Emma to toss a lifeless Taylor from the ring before continuing.
“And I’ll be starting with all these young America sluts like her. What bad role models they really are. How can I have my darling children grow up in a world where untalented sluts like that are deemed a success. From now on bimbo’s like Taylor, Miley, Selena and Ariana are on my hit list and I will be making an example of them for you all to see!”
The crowd are still in a state of shock at what they just witnessed and as medical personnel begin to tend to the laid out American stars at ringside The Duchess leads her group away from the ring, flanked by Elizabeth Hurley, it appears a supergroup has just been formed that will have huge implications for the Federation going forward.
Backstage and we find Jennifer Aniston getting warmed up in her dressing room. She is clad in a silver robe and has the World Heavyweight belt around her waist and is performing step ups. The camera pans down her magnificent body to show that Jennifer Love Hewitt is naked on hands and knees and that Aniston is using her back as the step. Finally Aniston halts and sits on the bench behind her while the cowed JLH kneels in front of her the ever present electric shock collar around her neck.
“Better start cleaning my boots slut, make sure there clean for kicking that bimbo Kaley Cuoco’s ass tonight.”
And even though she was a proud World Champion herself just a few short months ago Jennifer Love Hewitt submissively bends her neck, lowers her face to Jennifer Aniston’s boots and begins to lick them clean with her tongue.
Cut to another backstage area, just behind the entrance curtain where Kate Upton is standing waiting to interview Angelina Jolie. The famous actress looks stern and focussed, not at all like the woman we saw when she was Tag Champ with Megan Fox.
“Umm, Angelina, can I just ask first, how are you? I mean the doctors refused to sanction this match tonight so it is taking place unsanctioned under Falls Count Anywhere rules, that could mean anything, are you physically up to this?”
Jolie fixed the blonde with a withering stare but before she could give her answer she was attacked from behind, Megan Fox ramming a forearm into the back of Angelina’s skull and propelling her forwards through the curtain and flat on her face at the top of the entrance ramp. And with that this match is underway. Angelina is wearing a silver, skin tight one-piece swimsuit and Megan is wearing a plain black two piece bikini.
Having knocked her former partner down Megan is not slow to straddle her back and rain down punches and blows on Angelina’s head from behind. Of course, the concussion Jolie suffered at The Queen Of The Ring has kept her out of action ever since and Megan seems intent on exploiting that obvious weakness. Then Megan gets to her feet, dragging Angelina with her by her long, dark hair, hooks her head under her arm and sets herself to deliver a DDT. But before she can drop Angelina pushes forward and sends Megan backwards and before you know it both are falling off the ramp and taking a hellacious drop and bump through a wooden table into the ramp platform on ground level!
The crowd chant “Holy Shit!” at that insane drop they both took and the cameraman steps up to film them lying in a tangle of limbs amongst the destroyed wooden table.
After almost a minute Megan shows some signs of life and slowly crawls out of the carnage and moves away towards the ring. Angie is up seconds later and stumbles before staggering against the metal crowd barrier and watch Megan crawl away. She turns to the crowd beside her who are cheering like mad and reaches to the nearest guy and takes off his belt from his trousers, the guy is only too delighted to allow her to. Then, pushing herself off the barrier, Angelina stalked Megan towards the ring from behind and once she was over her used the belt to lash across the younger woman’s bare back. And not just once. No, she stood there and whipped the leather belt down nearly twenty times until the pale skin on her back was bright red and welted and then, in the shadow of the ring Angelina looped the belt through the buckle, slipped it over Megan Fox’s head and pulled it tight around her thin neck and once there began to pull like hell on it!
The camera was in Megan’s face as her head jerked up as the belt painfully tightened, her face changed colour immediately and you could quickly see bruising start to form on her poor neck. But Angelina did not relax, rather she tightened her hold and pulled even harder. Then as it appeared Megan may pass out Angelina put the sole of her boot on the back of Megan’s head and slammed it down, driving Megan’s face right into the concrete!
When Megan was rolled over it revealed she had a bloody nose. Angie didn’t go for a pin though, no way, she tugged the belt roughly from her opponent’s bruised neck and wrapped the leather around her right fist again and again, then she lifted Megan’s dazed head up and smacked it with punch after punch with that taped fist. By the time she was tired and stopped Megan was busted open above her left eye and her face was already a bloody mess.
Angelina picked her up then flung her wildly with an Irish whip that not only saw Megan crash into the crowd barrier but flip up and fly over it and smash into the crowd beyond. Following up Angelina stepped over the barrier, picked up a recently vacated chair, waited for Megan to push herself groggily up before whacking her hard in the back with the chair to the clear approval of the crowd. She then held the chair aloft like a warrior and got a huge ovation, the fans clearly taking to the former heel.
There followed a brawl through the crowd, with mostly Angelina Jolie whaling away at Megan Fox with punches and kicks and Miss Fox stumbling and trying to get away relatively unsuccessfully. Finally, Megan ended up sprawled across the metal barrier next to the entrance ramp, taking knife edge chop after knife edge chop, her chest beet red (her bikini top having fallen off in the onslaught). Angie stepped back and ran at her foe, trying to clothesline her over the barrier, somehow Megan managed to duck her head and flip Angelina up and over and she landed ugly, flat on her back on the concrete at the side of the ramp.
The was rough and even though it took Megan all her time to pull herself to her feet and virtually fall over the barrier to be beside her opponent Angelina was still laid out on the floor when she got there. Slowly Megan pulled Angie up by her hair then grabbed hold of her tight chest to chest then rammed her back into the metal barrier she had flown over. She held her up and did that four more times, the last time accompanied by a mocking kiss right on Jolie’s luscious lips. Then she released her and Angie sunk to the floor on her knees while Megan searched under the ramp, came out with some cable and wrapped it around Angelina’s throat, choked her with it then used it to drag her further under the ramp and backstage like a dog on a leash.
The camera’s finally caught up with them backstage just as Megan Fox completely pulling off her opponent’s one piece bikini leaving Angelina stark naked just before she was Irish whipped hard right into a vending machine. As she slumped down against it Megan followed up with a charging knee right to her face before she made a cover. Incredibly Angelina kicked out at two!
Frustrated Megan dragged Angelina up and repeatedly bashed her head into the machine, when she finally relented Jolie was busted open on her forehead and looking pretty groggy, after her concussion it’s hard not to worry for her. Especially when up against such a vicious little bitch as Megan Fox who catches her breath then lifts Angelina up and bodyslams her full force on the backstage area and gets another close two count. At this denial Megan loses it a bit and strangles Angelina on the floor for a while then hauls her up and goes to whip her into a wall but somehow Angelina reverses it and sends Megan careering into it instead.
There’s a bit of a crowd in the backstage area cheering them on and the rest have to watch on the big screens in the arena. Megan staggers to her side and Angelina gets a second wind from somewhere, charges at her and they both burst through the door into a gents toilets! A couple of surprised guys hastily zip up as the two warring brunettes enter, Angelina landing on top of Megan and taking advantage of that by firing off a series of hr punches to her opponents bruised and cut face. Then in a moment which will live long in the fans memories as the last guys flees his urinal, Angelina hauls Megan up by the hair and pushes her face right into where he was just pissing! She hold her face in there and rubs it back and forth, before hauling her out of there and ramming her head into a cubicle door, entering then stuffing Megan Fox’s face into a toilet bowl and flushing it! She holds her head in there until the water subsides and a coughing, flapping Miss Fox emerges and flops onto the tiles and is covered for a pinfall attempt that nearly gets the three.
Angelina slips getting up in the wet tiles and takes a wicked crack to her head and Megan takes the chance to escape, falling through the door and stumbling back towards the ringside area, emerging in the arena on the other side of the ramp to where they went in. By the time Megan has made the ring and desperately scrambles under it Angelina is groggily to her feet and following slowly so that by the time she reaches the ring all she can see is Megan’s feet. That’s enough though and she drags her former partner out by them and goes to pick her up but gets dropped by a punch. And when Megan gets up we can see why Angelina went down like that, Megan has sourced a pair of brass knucks she hid under the ring earlier tonight. She stands over Angelina and holds her arm aloft before kneeling down and aiming assisted punch after assisted punch at her opponents skull. Six blows later Angelina looks completely out of it and offers no resistance as Megan picks her up and rolls her into the ring. She dives back under the ring apron and this time emerges with hand cuffs. Positioning an unmoving Angelina Jolie on her knees in a corner Megan then takes one set of cuffs and attaches it to Angelina’s left wrist and the other end to the middle rope and then does the same with another set and Angelina’s right wrist. Leaving Angelina virtually unconscious and completely defenceless. Megan takes the time to sit in Angelina’s face before rolling out and getting a steel chair, she rolls back in and stands over a helpless Angelina and to cacophony of boos she smashed the chair right down on Jolie’s skull. Angelina sways where she is trapped, her eyes shut, then hanging there she doesn’t even realise the next blow is coming until it smashed into her head again. Megan nails a third and it’s clear Angelina is completely out of it but it doesn’t look like Megan intends to stop.
As she lifts the chair for a fourth time and the crowd look downright frightened the Commissioner Catherine Zeta Jones appears and runs to ringside and gets between Megan and Angelina and orders her to stand down, The Duchess is clearly worried about the repercussions of a fatality as it doesn’t appear Megan would stop. Eventually Megan drops the chair and tosses the keys to Catherine before leaving to a chorus of boos.
After 23:01 of wild action the match is ruled a no contest.
After the arena is silent as a still Angelina Jolie is released from the cuffs and laid down, the medical team are very careful with her, getting her onto a stretcher and removing her from the ring before carefully lifting her up the ramp. At the top though they are confronted by Megan Fox again, this time she’s got a baseball bat and a few waves of it chases away the medics. She has taken the chance to don her harness and that obscenely large strap on dildo she was boasting about earlier and with Angelina on the stretcher groaning weakly she is slowly coming round Megan flips the stretcher at the top of the ramp, gets behind Angelina and roughly forces the plastic cock up and into Angelina’s tight arsehole. And there she ass rapes Angelina Jolie in front of a watching audience with Jolie near passed out and unable to resist. Zeta Jones and a couple of refs try to pull Megan off but she waves the baseball bat at them and continues to pound away roughly at her former partner’s asshole and only stops when she wants. Standing over Angelina, obscenely waving her long, thick plastic dick at the crowd before leaving the ramp and unconscious and completely humiliated foe.
After that insanely violent and extreme match up and conclusion we need a small break and during it we recap the World Tag Team Championship tournament up to the final, showing the brackets and how we got to this final match, Katy Perry & Rihanna versus Cameron Diaz & Charlize Theron for the belts.
The Klan are first to the ring and looking supremely smug with it. First off Cameron and Charlize have had a longer rest and one less match (though it was a tough one) than their opponents and secondly because they are accompanied by a very mean and tough looking Pink. The Klan are in trademark white one piece bathing suits and are already making motions with their hands like they have the Vacant Tag belts already within their grasp.
Rihanna and Katy Perry are showing small signs of wear and tear for their third match of the night but seem to get energised by their music and the positive reception from the fans. They’ve changed into matching silver two piece bikinis for this one, which they display while standing on the apron preparing to enter the ring. Big mistake as the three blondes already in the ring charge them and send them flying hard to the floor. Cameron and Charlize exit and throw Rihanna back into the ring whilst Pink exits, grabs Katy, stuffs her head between her thighs then drops her with a big powerbomb right on the end of the metal ramp!
In the ring The Klan each grab Rihanna by the throat then ease her up before rocking her with a huge double chokeslam. Cameron makes the cover but the referee refuses to count until Charlize has left the ring (at which point the bell rings) and by the time she does Rihanna kicks out of the cover.
Outside Pink stands ominously over a slowly rising Katy Perry with obvious evil intentions but the crowd suddenly cheers wildly as Beyoncé makes her return to the Federation (complete with new short haircut) she hops the guard rail wielding a baseball bat and nails Pink in the back from behind before really teeing off on her. The crowd are going nuts as Beyoncé relentlessly whales on Pink crashing hard bat shot after hard bat shot to her muscular body until she has to virtually run away up the ramp to escape. Beyoncé stalks after her after checking that Katy is OK and then stands at the entryway, bat in hand, ready to see off anyone else who wants to interfere.
In the ring Cameron Diaz is well in command, stomping hell of out Rihanna before dragging her up by her hair, lashing her with a series of vicious knife edge chops then Irish whipping across the ring with her head smacking into Charlize Theron’s lofted boot held over the top tope. Cameron waited for Rihanna to drop then nailed her with a legdrop and garnered a two count before the Barbadian kicked out.
By then Katy Perry had hauled herself up to her team’s corner but that was still a fair distance from being able to help her partner. A quick tag saw Charlize enter the ring and continue to batter Rihanna in the corner. Ramming her shoulder into the black girls gut repeatedly before nailing the soft underside of her boobs with a series of hard uppercuts that eventually knocked her tits out of her bikini top. Charlize grabed the top and pulled it off Rihanna and used it to choke her out right up to the five count from a frustrated referee. Just as things were looking bleak for Rihanna she got a break as Charlize sized her up and delivered a headbutt right to her skull. Dumb move as Rihanna’s was notoriously thick and it was actually the racist South African that came off worst, reeling away and finally dropping to her knees holding her own skull.
The crowd got behind her and got louder as Rihanna crawled towards Katy’s outstretched hand and positively exploded s she slapped it just as Charlize tagged Cameron back in. That brought on a frantic few minutes as Katy unloaded on Cameron, nailing her with a lariat, belly to belly suplex and a Rock Bottom, all of which got close two counts. However, things turned round as she flung Cameron into the ropes and leapt for drop kick that got nothing but air and a hard landing on the already injured back. And didn’t Cameron know it was injured? First she hauled off Katy’s bikini top to leave both members of that team topless, then she drove her knee right into Katy’s spine, grabbed her leg with one hand and her hair with her other and proceeded to bend her back unnaturally in a vicious bow and arrow type move.
She was trapped in that for just over a minute and was virtually in tears but would not submit so eventually Cameron broke the hold, lifted her up for body slam but instead of doing it in the ring she carried Katy over to the ropes and slammed her down outside the ring, smacking her back on the ring apron on her way to a bad landing on the concrete floor. As she landed Cameron sauntered over towards Rihanna and called her a “dumb fucking nigger!”, which got the desired reaction of Rihanna trying to get in the ring and the ref stopping her. Meantime Charlize had picked up Katy and grabbed her in a bear hug then ran forward smashing her back into the metal guard rail, she held her up, turned around then ran her back into the ring apron, kept a hold and then slammed her into the floor with a belly to belly suplex on the concrete, leaving Katy howling outside the ring and feeling her injured back.
Of course the referee saw none of this and could do little to prevent Cameron Diaz slipping out of the ring, picking up Katy and slamming her down on the floor before rolling back in and demanding the referee count her out (after all they will win the belts with any kind of victory). By the slow count of seven Katy had somehow made it to her knees and by nine she had just about rolled herself back into the ring and broken the count.
The next few minutes made for painful viewing as The Klan members tagged in and out at will delivering backbreakers, bodyslams, a Charlize Powerbomb before Cameron tagged in and sunk on a deep Camel Clutch that seemed must garner them the win by submission. Incredibly the brunette held on though and from somewhere seemed to find a burst of strength and got her knees up under her and somehow pushed herself up to her feet unsteadily with the tall blonde hanging onto her. That was a the perfect position for Cameron to slip on a sleeper hold but Katy anticipated that and scooped her up and dropped her with a back suplex that saw both woman laid out in centre ring as we approached the thirteen minute mark of this Final.
The crowd came live again and cheered Katy’s slow crawl to tag in Rihanna but it was not to be as Cameron grabbed her ankle at the last minute and pulled her into centre ring before climbing slowly herself to a top turnbuckle and launching a big splash that Katy rolled out of the way of at the very last minute. This allowed Rihanna to be tagged in and all hell to break loose. First up Charlize charged into the ring with no tag but that didn’t matter as Rihanna saw her coming and ducked her head to backflip her up and over the top rope and crash messily to the floor. Then she unloaded on Miss Diaz, chops, slaps and uppercuts before hitting a picture perfect dropkick. After that she squatted in a corner and waited on Cameron rising, poised, ready to hit a spear. But as she did Charlize reached under the ropes and grabbed her ankle and tripped her. See that though Katy Perry launched herself off the apron and took Charlize out with a flying clothesline whilst in the ring Diaz raked Rihanna’s eyes and had control again but with the referee looking at Theron outside the ring Katy scooted in and delivered a low blow to Diaz from behind, allowing Rihanna to reverse an Irish whip into the ropes and both Perry and Rihanna to catch her in a huge lift on the way back and drop her throat first from a height across the tope rope in a huge hot shot. Cameron Diaz literally bounced up into the air and crashed to the mat where Rihanna covered her and hooked her leg as well and got the 1, 2, and 3 count!
The NEW World Tag Team Champions after 15:51 are RIHANNA & KATY PERRY. As they get their belts and celebrate confetti is launched in the air and Beyoncé returns to the ring to congratulate them as the heelish Klan skulk angrily away their own dreams frustrated.
After that Kate Middleton and her entourage re-emerge, this time to a loud boos. The Duchess is flanked by Eva Green, Catherine Zeta Jones and Elizabeth Hurley and looks very pleased with herself as she announces details of the next PPV event after Bitchmania.
It will be BitchBrawl II, and is subtitled “Blood, Babes and Barbed Wire”.
She says announces the following matches will take place.
BEYONCÉ V. PINK in a barbed wire baseball bat on a pole match.
JENNIFER LOPEZ V. NICKI MINAJ
EMMA WATON V. ARIANA GRANDE in a first blood match
TAYLOR SWIFT/MILEY CYRUS/BRITNEY SPEARS V. ELIZABETH HURLEY/ EVA GREEN/ PIPPA MIDDLETON
And MEGAN FOX V. ANGELINA JOLIE in a no rope, barbed wire match with the winner becoming the new No.1 contender to the World Title.
Kate also states there will be WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP AND WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP matches as well to be announced at a later date.
But before that next Mega Show we still have the main event of this one and arguably the most anticipated match up of the year. This match has its roots a full year ago, when Aniston and Cuoco teamed up to try and become Tag Champs, failed and Aniston turned viciously on her partner. Since then Jennifer Aniston has got nastier and nastier and been more successful with every passing month. Now the reigning World Champion has to defend her title against her former partner that has more reason than most to despise her.
In addition to being for the World Heavyweight Title the loser of this steel cage match will be forced to have their head shaved bald after the match so there are some major ramifications of this encounter.
First to the newly constructed cage is the challenger, Kaley Cuoco. The long haired blonde looks amazing in a skimpy white two piece bikini. Her close friend Melissa Rauch accompanies her to the cage and stands outside ready to prevent any interference or skulduggery.
The champion emerges to the usual cacophony of boos and catcalls, Jennifer Aniston really is the most hated female in this Federation by some way. To further incense the crowd she’s wearing a real fur coat and accompanied by her slave Jennifer Love Hewitt (who is still in her skimpy French Maid’s outfit).Aniston teases the crowd with her coat before opening it like a flasher to reveal the large World Title around her waist and the fact she’s wearing a leopard print two piece bikini. She chucks her fur coat to JLH before stalking towards the cage.
Aniston snarls at Melissa Rauch as she walks past her, Love Hewitt trailing submissively in her wake before standing on the steps into the ring/cage and staring at the disrespectful crowd and flipping them the middle finger.
That proved to be a dumb move as Kaley moved over and threw a dropkick from inside the cage that connected with the back of Aniston’s head and sent her flying off the steps and crashing face first into the crowd barrier. By the time Kaley had stalked out of the cage and lifted Aniston up by her hair it was clear she was busted wide open on her forehead and was already bleeding heavily!
So Kaley lifts Jennifer up and lets the cameras and fans get a close up of her bloody forehead before ramming it into the outside of the cage wall, an act she repeats ten more times with the super hot crowd counting with each smack. During that wild assault the Title belt comes loose from her waist and Kaley stops to pick it up and hold it up one handed before smashing it down on the Champion’s bloody head. After that she bundles Jennifer under the ropes and through the door of the cage and when the outside referee closes it the bell can finally sound.
A bedraggled Jennifer Aniston crawls on the mat trying to escape her opponent, dripping blood onto the canvas all the way. Kaley walks after her and lets her get to the bottom rope before stamping down hard on the back of Aniston’s head, splatting her face right into the mat, leaving a bloody imprint on it. Then when Jennifer rolls over onto her back Kaley leaps up (assisted by holding onto the ropes) and drops a high legdrop right across her throat, goes for a cover and gets a very close two count before Aniston reaches out to grab the rope.
It’s a small respite though as Kaley kneels over her and sends in a stream of bareknuckle punches to Jennifer’s forehead until she is too tired to throw any more and just looks up while holding the dazed champ’s head in one hand and gives off an animalistic roar (this is quite the sight as Kaley’s white bra top is splattered with crimson blood by now). Kaley then lifts Jennifer up like she is going for a bodyslam but instead charges at the cage wall and launches Jennifer Aniston face first into the bars. There is a crunch as her face connects with steel and then she collapses down across the ropes and just hangs over the top rope not moving.
Eventually Kaley pulls her off the rope and pushes her against it before laying in a string of hard knife edge chops, then Kaley retreats across the ring and charges, lifting her foot at the last minute to deliver a big boot to the face of the champion. At least that was the plan but somehow Jennifer managed to duck her head and Kaley’s foot sailed over her head and went right through the bars of the cage. Aniston sunk to her knees barely conscious so it didn’t seem too bad for Kaley but when she went to pull her foot back she found something holding it. That something was Jennifer Love Hewitt, she had grabbed Kaley’s foot from outside and was hanging on for dear life.
As she held on Kaley struggled desperately to free herself but couldn’t until Melissa Rauch ran around the cage and nailed Love Hewitt with a clothesline that sent the brunette spilling to the floor. In the cage though Aniston had recovered her wits enough to send a punch up and into Kaley’s cunt just as she was trying to pull her leg back inside. She opened her mouth in an exaggerated “O”, hopped on her one leg then fell down her foot still stuck in the bars.
That was not a good position, especially for someone with a leg break in the past 12 months. Jennifer Aniston looked feral as she snarled then rammed her knee again and again into Kaley’s trapped leg, bending it awkwardly and eliciting squeals of pain from the blonde. Then she wiped her own blood from her eyes and dropped on top of Kaley and wrapped her fingers around her throat and began to strangle her full on. Despite this being no DQ in the cage the referee still tried to prise Aniston’s fingers from around Cuoco’s throat and eventually succeeds but she just turns around angrily and stamps on Kaley’s exposed and hung up leg before finally pulling the blonde free of the cage and into the centre of the ring.
Jennifer then easily undo’s Kaley’s blood spattered bikini top and wraps it around the blonde’s throat from behind and literally garrottes her with it. Pulling hard on both ends as the referee tries to stop her. What actually stops her is the material snapping which is good for Kaley but the red welts around her throat tend to indicate she’s in a fair bit of trouble.
Outside the cage Melissa Rauch is leading the chants to rouse her friend and has made the mistake of forgetting about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Maybe she thought JLH was still a babyface, that theory is exploded as she comes behind Melissa, steel chair in hand and smashes it on the back of her head, bouncing her into the outside of the cage and knocking her clean out. Hewitt then produces a pair of steel handcuffs and cuffs an unconscious Melissa’s wrist to the cage wall, before raising the chair and smashing it down on Melissa’s skull again, completely unnecessarily.
Things aren’t looking any better for the Big Bang Theory babes either as Aniston hauls off Cuoco’s bikini briefs and shoves them in her mouth, leaving the blonde stark naked. Before Aniston hooks on a figure four leg lock right in the centre of the ring.
This is excruciating to watch for fans of Kaley Cuoco. They have seen her battle back after a prolonged spell on the sidelines with a broken leg at the hands of Jennifer Aniston and now they have to watch the self-same bitch literally torture her in the cage and scream at the referee to ask if she submits, knowing that is she does it will mean the end of her championship dream and having to let her nemesis shave her head bald. Somehow Kaley shakes her head and denies the pain, she is not going to quit, she is determined. From somewhere she finds the strength to push herself up then slowly, powerfully reverse the hold, rolling over to put the pressure on Ansiton’s legs instead.
Jennifer scrambles her way out of that move and turns to catch the blonde slowly rising with swift kick to the crotch that drops Kaley to her knees again. Jennifer stands over her and delivers punch after punch but after a few it seems they are having little effect, Kaley is shaking her head and fighting to her feet, she’s in effect, “Hulking up”. She gets to her feet and blocks Aniston’s latest punch then returns one of her own, then nails a head butt, before tossing the Champ into the ropes and levelling her with a vicious clothesline. The crowd were behind her now and cheered loudly as she ripped Jennifer’s bra top off and chucked it out of the cage before hauling her to her feet by their nipples, cruelly stretching them as she did. Then she lifted Jennifer up to slam her down hard in centre ring before limping towards the corner turnbuckle to ascend it.
What Kaley planned we’ll never know as it was the corner with the door in it she had headed to and Jennifer Love Hewitt waited until Kaley was up before opening the door and pulling her down. Kaley fell with a thud in the corner between the door and ropes, a bad, awkward landing that saw her left leg hanging out of the cage through the open door.
JLH hopped out of the cage and at instruction from Jennifer Aniston she grabbed the swinging door. Aniston meanwhile had grabbed Kaley’s arms and held her in place and snapped at her slave.
“Do it! Slam it!”
There was a collective gasp as everyone realised what was happening, Jennifer Love Hewitt drew the barred door back then slammed it hard on Kaley Cuoco’s exosed leg right on the left shin she had broken before. There was an audible snap and a scream from the blonde before Jennifer Aniston dragged her back into the cage.
They had clearly re-broken her leg and things were almost incidental now as Jennifer laced a fairly innocuous looking leg bar on the damaged leg with her arms. Kaley was fully crying now and after looking like not giving up for a few seconds, reality hit and she beat the mat repeatedly and desperately, tapping out.
Your winner after 12:21 and still WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is JENNIFER ANSITON.
Afterwards Aniston throws the referee from the cage and orders Love Hewitt to enter with her bag. Then the two of them subdue a sobbing Cuoco and Aniston proceeds to use the shaver in the bag to shave every bit of hair from Kaley Cuoco’s famous mane, really the lot goes over that five minute period leaving her once beautiful locks in nothing more than the ugliest skinhead imaginable.
And after that of course, that nasty bitch uses her latest humiliation move and pulls the gusset of her bikini bottoms to one side and as Jennifer love Hewitt prevents Kaley moving Aniston pisses on her opponent, taking great care to make sure some goes in her mouth.
The heels leave at that point, Melisa Rauch raging at them from her handcuffed position but unable to do anything to help her friend. Kaley lies in the puddle of piss in the ring, her head bald, her leg broken again and any future in the Federation surely in considerable doubt.
In the following weeks Melissa Rauch continually challenges Jennifer Aniston to fight her at the next PPV and finally Aniston agrees but with a raft of stipulations, first of those being that Melissa would have to earn a shot against The Champion by first defeating Jennifer Love Hewitt at the next PPV in the opening match.