ROYAL RUMBLE
by Dark Cloud

It’s the first ever Royal Rumble for the Federation. A debut event with a massive 30 woman over the top battle mirroring the one the WWE presents annually. And like that event the winner tonight will earn herself a World Title shot at the biggest event of the year – Bitchmania IV.

There are other matches too and kicking us off first is a match from the UK arm of the Federation that sees UK Champion, Holly Willoughby defending against Roxanne Pallett. The UK Federation has only been going for a year or so but already boasts such UK celebs as Cheryl Cole, Michelle Keegan, Kelly Brook, Jordan, Tag Team Champs Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman, Pixie Lott, Mollie King, Amanda Holden, Alecia Dixon and a few imports like Nicole Sherzinger, Ashley Roberts and Kylie Minogue. Perhaps we’ll show a UK card sometime in the future. For now you need to know that Champion Holly is a 37 year old, 5’7” bubbly blonde that is the nation’s favourite and has curvy, buxom body. She’s about as popular as a celebrity can be in her home country and virtually everybody in Britain likes her. Her challenger Roxanne is, in virtually every aspect, her polar opposite. Roxanne has dark hair, is 35 and is a very petite 5’2”. She is despised in the UK after her appearance on Celebrity Big Brother where she tried to get a guy blamed for beating her when clearly she was acting up and seeking attention. That really turned the public against her and ever since she’s been living up to her billing of bad girl with a string of heinous acts.

Worst of all was her revenge against the popular Emma Willis, who had interviewed her after her Big Brother debacle. After a recent UK TV special Roxanne ambushed backstage interviewer Emma and gave her a hell of a beating, including throwing her headfirst through a glass window. Then with her face a bloody mess Roxanne took out a thick, clear plastic bag and pulled it over Emma’s head and suffocated her. The fact she only released her hold when Holly and a couple of other babyfaces charged to the rescue didn’t hide the fact she had been intent on ending poor Emma there and then and Roxanne was certainly living up to her most hated status.

It was such a vicious, cruel assault that even the American crowd watching it on a video package as a build to this match react to it and when Roxanne appears in a tiny black two piece bikini she receives a strong chorus of boos and disapproval. That only increases when she holds up the very same, blood stained plastic bag she used in the attack as she struts to the ring.

Foxy Roxy (as the sleazy UK tabloids have christened her) slides into the ring and soaks up the crowd’s disdain with a shit eating smirk painted on her face. The grin only extends as the champion’s music hits and Holly emerges onto the ramp. The blonde looks positively radiant and flashes her perfect smile and holds her title belt up to the crowd as she strolls down the ramp. She is wearing a feathery dressing gown that she slips off and reveals a pair of bright, white shorts and a skimpy bra top that struggles to conceal her greatest assets. The buxom blonde enters the ring and goes right up to Roxanne holding her belt up as the referee gives them their instructions. As she steps back Roxanne throws the plastic bag in Holly’s face and while she swipes that away Roxanne kicks her right between her legs. That made Holly drop her belt and Roxy hooked her head and dropped her with a DDT right onto the belt and covered her and got an ultra close two count literally seconds after the bell has rung. The referee admonishes Roxanne and gets the title belt out of the ring as the sadistic, little brunette seeks to hammer home her advantage. She rolls Holly onto her front and scrapes her face back and forth across the canvas before undoing her bra top then pulling it up right under Holly’s chin and throttling her with it like a garrotte. The exasperated ref counts to five and Roxanne breaks at four and a half but before the ref can get the bra top away she has it back around the champions throat choking her with it until another four count at which point the ref finally pulls the bra away. Roxanne kicks Holly over onto her back and we get a first glimpse of Holly’s impressive, white tits. Roxanne jumps up and lands both feet on Holly’s stomach then drops to her knees on it, winding her and latches her fingers onto those impressive boobs.

Roxanne has sharpened her fingernails to serrated points for this match and it shows immediately as she scratches up and down Holly’s big breasts, leaving four angry red lines in her wake. She then goes from side to side with those vicious nails as the champ screams and cries out at being so cruelly torn to shreds. Finally, Roxanne relents, she stands up and wrenches Holly up with her by her hair before tossing her into the ropes and leaping up to deliver a perfect dropkick. Perfect except that Holly managed to hook the ropes and prevent her returning and Roxanne dropped hard on her side on the mat. Holly leaned on the ropes and waited for her opponent to struggle up then nailed her with a running lariat that turned the petite girl inside out. Then in quite the show of strength Holly hoisted Roxanne up above her head with a military press, walked to the side of the ring and dropped her down to smack on the apron before crashing to the floor. Holly posed in the ring for a moment and the crowd cheered, delighted to see the Englishwoman’s perfect tits on display. Then Holly stepped through the ropes, stood on the apron and waited for her challenger to get to her feet before leaping from the apron with a Thesz press and nailing Roxanne with it, landing atop her and hammering in punches once they landed on the floor.

Holly pulled her foe up and whipped her hard into the crowd barrier before rolling her back into the ring. The Champion was in control now and methodically slammed her smaller opponent three times hard down to the mat before scooping her up and laying her across her back and stretching her with an over the shoulder backbreaker that seemed to bend Roxy in two. Roxanne wriggled and squirmed from that uncomfortable position and actually her bra top came off but she slipped off Holly’s back and fell to her knees behind Holly. On instinct the brunette turned around and fired a hard punch right between Holly’s thighs then pulled down her white shorts and pushed Holly over onto her face. Roxanne threw away Holly’s shorts and fired in another hard punch to her pussy from behind then latched her claws onto Holly’s clit and twisted and pulled with all her might.

The blonde champions screams were ear piercing and you felt she must quit but somehow she held out as the brunette tortured her for the best part of a minute before finally her hold failed. She got up, kicked Holly’s legs apart and punted her hard from behind right in the cunt. The force physically lifting Holly off the mat!

Fully in control now, Roxanne dropped her knee right into Holly’s spine and grabbed her hair and jerked her head back viciously while spewing out a stream of vile curses and names aimed at the beautiful champion. That seemed to inspire Holly though and she beat the mat to get the crowd on side and powered up to her knees before blocking a chop and retaliating with a series of punches as she fought her way to her feet. She threw Roxy to the ropes and caught her in a bear hug upon her return then flipped and threw her in a mat shaking belly to belly suplex that got her a really close two count.

She pulled her up and Irish whipped the challenger to the corner. Roxanne flipped up and over the turnbuckle and caught a following up Holly with a leaping kick to her face that stunned her. Roxanne climbed up the turnbuckles but Holly slugged her then grabbed her and powered her up into a power bomb position and turned and slammed her hard to the mat. Holly kept a hold and lifted Roxanne up again and dropped her with another power bomb followed up with a cover for the three count.

The winner in 7:34 and still UK Champion is HOLLY WILLOUGHBY. The crowd give Holly a nice round of applause and she takes her UK title belt and holds it up. But Roxanne isn’t done and rabbit punches Holly in the back of her skull. The blonde drops to her knees and Roxy produces a cable tie from her bikini bottoms and ties Holly’s wrists behind her back. Then she rolls out of the ring to retrieve that macabre plastic bag and to everyone’s horror she rolls back into the ring and callously pulls it down over Holly’s head and wrenches it tight!

Holly Willoughby’s face is a picture of terror as her eyes bulge beneath the plastic and she struggles for breathe. She struggles then goes limp just as a group of referees rush the ring and literally pull Roxanne off her unconscious victim. Roxanne laughs cruelly and steals the title belt and disappears into the crowd with it.

*

We cut to a video shot earlier in the week. A classy Rolls Royce pulls up to the entrance of a sanatorium. Kate Middleton, Pippa Middleton and Meghan Markle get out of the vehicle, all wearing expensive, designer suits. They seem exceptionally happy with themselves and laugh as they enter the building.

Inside a Doctor meets them and Kate gives him a brown envelope stuffed with money and he leads them to a room where Elizabeth Hurley sits rocking in a chair. Elizabeth has not been seen or heard of since she lost the Chamber of Horrors match against Kate at the Halloween Horrorshow PPV. She recoils as the heels enter and whimpers. Kate cackles at the damage she has caused through her assault with the electric chair last month. It is apparent Liz is little more than a drooling, feeble minded simpleton now.

Kate produces a large, sandpaper coated dildo and approaches Hurley and as her partners pull her to her feet Kate reaches under the hospital gown she is wearing and rams the torture dildo right into Liz’s pussy and switches it on then the doctor produces a straitjacket and puts it on Liz including strapping a belt around her crotch that will hold the dildo in place.

They lead Elizabeth Hurley to a room that is revealed to be a padded cell and she is pushed inside. In her plummy, English voice Kate intones to the Doctor.

“Keep her in there as long as you can, there’s a thousand dollars for every day.”

And the three leaves cackling like witches.

*

The screen fades to reveal Stephanie McMahon was watching the video in her office backstage, she does not look happy at what she just saw. Before her are Alexa Bliss, Alicia Fox and Mickie James.

“You see what you are up against? Do you see the kind of evil that bitch possesses? I know those three rich bitches are not professional athletes like you but do not make the mistake of underestimating them tonight. I want you to go down there and crush them in front of everyone, show the world how pathetic they actually are. Do not give Middleton anymore ammunition to call for a match against me as she has been doing, I want you to end her efforts tonight, OK?”

The three WWE stars nod and agree as we go back out to the arena.

Where Kate, Meghan and Pippa appear and stride down the ramp in sparkling silver bikinis. The crowd despise all three but have particular ire towards Kate and serenade her with some truely vile songs. Kate just smirks, looks in a camera and waves “at Liz”.

So the WWE stars come out as overwhelming favourites and get a good reception as they approach the ring. The three are in far skimpier outfits than they wear in the WWE, all in black string two piece numbers.

Pippa, despite Alexa trying to goad Kate in, starts against Alexa Bliss and the tiny blonde gives the Englishwoman a lesson bouncing her around the ring, slamming her, nailing a perfect drop kick before whipping Pippa into the enemy corner. Alicia comes in and continues to throw Pippa Middleton about including military pressing then dropping her on her face on the canvas. She then tags in veteran Mickie James who whips Pippa into the ropes where she makes a blind tag to Meghan. Mickie backdrops Pippa but drops to her own knees when Meghan rushes in to smash a clothesline to the back of her skull from behind.

This is our first sight of Meghan Markle in a Federation ring and she looks good (and vicious) as she stamps down all over Mickie then lifts her only to drop her with a snap DDT. Meghan kicks Mickie in the ribs a couple of times then tags in Kate to a vociferous chorus of boos. The Duchess has changed since she was so humiliatingly branded by Liz Hurley a couple of months ago. She had got harder and tougher and demonstrates that by pulling Mickie to her knees and hitting her with a flurry of kicks topped off by a running knee to the face for a close two count.

Kate hits a neck breaker then tags in Pippa who goes to the top and flies off with a diving head butt that misses and she faceplants right into the mat. Mickie rolls and tags in Alexa and the diminutive blonde comes in like a ball of fire. She hits a drop kick on Pippa then nails both Kate and Meghan with a clothesline that sends them to the floor. She rebounds in time to nail Pippa with a super kick and covers her, but Kate slides in to break up the cover and from there all hell breaks loose.

Alexa and Kate brawl their way out of the ring while Meghan cuts off Fox and they trade blows at ringside as Mickie lays in punches to the downed Pippa Middleton. The cameras focus on Alexa and Kate as they trade vicious knife edge chips against the crowd barrier with Alexa hitting the final one that sends Kate up and over into the crowd. As security try to keep the crowd back Alexa hops the barrier and hauls Kate to her feet when from the crowd a figure steps forward and lands a punch right to Alexa’s jaw. We can see it was a disguised Eva Green with brass knuckles on her fist! As security usher her back the blonde WWE star falls flat on her face.

While the other four brawl in and around the ring Kate drags the lifeless body of her opponent back to the ringside area, grabs a chair and smashes it down on the blonde’s skull. She rolls Alexa into the ring, helps her sister throw Mickie out and accepts a tag. She steps in and covers Alexa with just her foot on her chest for the ONE. TWO.THREE!

The winners in 6:41 are KATE MIDDLETON, MEGHAN MARKLE and PIPPA MIDDLETON. As they stand over a still unconscious Alexa a livid STEPHANIE McMAHON comes out to the ramp with a mic and screams.

“NO! No! No!”

Kate has a mic of her own passed to her and she responds.

“Hey Boss. Your little team was a failure just like you are! Now are you woman enough to face me one on one!”

Stephanie calms a little and gives a smile.

“You want me? Ok bitch, you can face me at Bitchmania if you like. But, to get that match you have to earn it. Next month at The Queen Of The Ring PPV if you can beat Rhonda Rousey in a singles match where if anyone signed in my Federation will be fired if they interfere then you can get your match with me, The Billion Dollar Princess!”

Suddenly Kate Middleton isn’t as happy or cocky looking as she takes in this shock news.

*
Backstage and Melissa Joan Hart has Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande for an interview. Before they start though a clip plays from last month of Taylor Swift’s deadly kick to Nicki’s jaw that knocked her clean out. We get a slow motion of it before panning back to the three beauties.

“Wow! That was brutal Nicki, can I ask how are you now?”

“I am fine. 100%. Do not worry about me, that bitch Taylor just got lucky, remember I was just off a big match and she caught me unaware. Not tonight. Tonight I am fresh and waiting for that skinny, white bitch and she will pay for all she has done.”

“Off course all she has done has included raping several stars with her strap on dildo after beating them. That is guaranteed to happen tonight as well as the loser of the World Title match has to bend over in the middle of the ring and let the winner have their way with her. Are you ready for that if it happens?”

“I’ll tell you what, I am ready to split Taylor in half with this (Nicki holds up a giant lack dildo, really thick and long and just brutal looking). I modelled it on an ex of mine!”

Melissa is a little stunned by the dildo but manages to turn her attention to Ariana.

“And you Ariana are in tonight’s inaugural Royal Rumble. You will compete against 29 other women for the right to face the World Champion in the main event of Bitchmania. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling good Melissa. Tonight I am sure I can overcome those odds to come out on top.”

“And I guess if things go well for the pair of you tonight you could be facing each other for the World Title at Bitchmania?”

Nicki looks at Ariana and the two share a long, awkward stare before the camera leaves them.

*

Next up in the ring we have the latest encounter in a feud that has surprised many. Kim Kardashian and Gal Gadot have clashed a few times but only once in the ring and to most observers surprise it was Kim that came out on top. Now is their re-match and it will be a street-fight with the ultimate forfeit that the loser will have her head (and eyebrows) shaved bald). Given both ladies have long, dark, luscious haircuts it will be quite the humiliation for one of them.

In that previous match Kardashian paid handsomely for Charlize Theron to assist her to victory and the TV star has been offering a briefcase full of cash to anyone willing to assist her this time but so far with no success. And when Gal emerges on the ramp way we see why she has been unsuccessful as the Israeli movie star is accompanied by her cast mate Michelle Rodriguez, one of the toughest stars in Hollywood. Of course they became friends on the Fast and Furious films. Gal is in her Wonder Woman costume and looks supremely confident as she strides to the ring.

Kim Kardashian emerges next looking as self-satisfied and smug as usual and carrying the metal briefcase full of money she has been hawking about the Federation to try and buy assistance. But she is alone and in just a small black string bikini it is difficult to see the usual backstage interviewer win this match. But she seems unafraid as she slides into the ring and faces off with her rival. The referee explains the meagre rules and signals for the bell and Kim holds her briefcase aloft. This is another signal as Michelle Rodriguez (who is still in the ring) steps up and wraps her arm around Gal’s throat from behind in a choke!

As Gal struggles Kim grabs the metal briefcase by its end, lifts it high and smashes it down into her opponents face. Gal’s nose explodes in a shower of blood but Michelle maintains her death grip and brings a now unstruggling Gal to her knees before standing back. Kim smirks and lifts the briefcase high again and looks down on her enemy, spits on her then smashes it down on her skull with full forces. Gal slumps onto her side and Kim hands Michelle the briefcase. She opens it to check it is full of cash and takes one of the notes out and leans over her supposed friend and stuffs the cash into Gal’s mouth then leaves the ring to a chorus of boos.

Kim strips Gal Gadot naked then straddles her and presses her massive breasts down onto Gal’s face, smothering, forming an unbroken seal that cuts off any air to the movie star. She probably didn’t need to as Gal’s arm shows no sign of life as the referee lifts it once, twice and three times.

The winner, in 1:31 is KIM KARDASHIAN.

The crowd are stunned at this turn of events and watch in disbelief as Gal Gadot is carried from the ring and strapped into the barbers chair beside the entrance ramp. Kim makes a great show of playing with the scissors and the shaver but really she is just waiting for Gal to come round and once she does and realises she not only lost but was betrayed and was now strapped to this chair to receive her forfeit the supposed tough girl begins to cry. Kim loves this and takes great pleasure as she starts to use the scissors to hack at Gal’s long locks. Before long she has a short haircut and at that point Kim grins cruelly as she fires up the electric shaver and begins to drag it back and forth across Gal’s skull. Having done that to leave little more than a skinhead, Kim uses shaving cream all over her rival’s skull before using a straight razor blade to scrape any remaining hair from her head before doing the same to her eye brows. The Israeli beauty now looks like a bald freak show and now has two official losses to Kim Kardashian on her resume.

*

After that shock we head backstage where Cara Delavigne is ready to interview Scarlett Johannsson, Emma Stone and Amy Adams. These three cunts are still cock-a-hoop over their betrayal of their ‘friend’ Jennifer Lawrence and are still giddy at what they did to her last month.

“Ladies, all three of you are entered in the Royal Rumble but only one woman can win. Will you be acting together tonight?”

“What a dumb question Cara. Of course we will, we watch each other’s backs and you can guarantee one of us will be wining tonight and heading to Bitchmania!” answers Scarlett as the other two nod behind her.

“Oh will you?” answers a familiar voice off screen and seconds after Jennifer Lopez appears with Iggy Azalea by her side.

Scarlett goes nose to nose with J-Lo (which is ironic as it was these five women that destroyed Jennifer Lawrence by acting together last month) for a few moments until they move back. It is Cara that breaks the clear tension.

“And of course Ladies, Jennifer Lawrence herself is entered in the Rumble, I’m sure she’ll want a shot at some of you tonight.”

J-Lo grabs the mic to answer threateningly.

“I’m sure she does but look at us, where do you think that bitch is going to have the chance to overpower all of us? It’ll likely be 3 or four of us against her and look what happened last month, that bitch will get her lumps again tonight. And after she’s out it will be every woman for herself!”

We leave them all staring at each other with a distinct lack of trust evident.

*

With her thumping hit “Anaconda” blaring out at full volume, Nicki Minaj emerges and walks down the ramp to the ring. She is in a white one piece that contrasts with her black skin perfectly and looks very confident ahead of challenging for her first World Heavyweight Championship. Nicki’s face turns to a glower as her music stops and is replaced by “Look What You Made Me Do” a hit for the World Champion, Taylor Swift. Taylor emerges in a silver bra and shorts outfit and holds her belt up to the crowd who boo her.

Nicki has every right to despite Taylor after all, it was Taylor who dissed her in the press and got covertly racist about it, then hired Charlize Theron to take her out and when confronted by Nicki, Taylor, with the aid of Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus, jumped Nicki and nearly kicked her head off to send her to the hospital. And it is clear from the look on her face Nicki has not forgotten them at all.

As the announcer is still introducing the Champion, Nicki steps through the ropes and rushes up the ramp to confront Taylor and before we know it they are trading punches on the ramp and the referee is signalling for the bell to start this match!

The blows Nicki is throwing are serious bombs, Taylor matched the first couple but after that she just takes punch after punch until she staggers to the edge of the ramp and the last uppercut sends the blonde flying off the side of the ramp to crash onto the metal crowd barrier a few feet below. Nicki gives a howl of anger at letting all her pent up rage out and jumps off the ramp with a double axe handle right to the back of Taylor sending her sprawling to the floor. The crowd roar her on as Nicki pulls up Taylor by the hair and proceeds to ram her head down into the railing again and again before flinging her over it and into the crowd. When Taylor gets up we can see that she has been busted open above her left eye and a trickle of blood is falling down her shocked face.

Nicki climbs over the crowd rail and grabs Taylor and pounds in more fists to that cut to bloody the champ further all the while Taylor is trying to get away. But Nicki doesn’t let her and clubs her with a clothesline to the back of her neck to drop her to her knees before ripping off Taylor’s bra top to reveal her pert boobs before using the bra top to strangle Taylor with as she kneels in the middle of the rabid crowd. The guys (and the girls) in the vicinity of the wild brawl take the chance to cop a feel of Taylor Swift’s bare breasts as she kneels there struggling.

With the ref exhorting them to get back to the ringside area, Nicki pulls Taylor up by her makeshift noose and drags her through the crowd before using it to throw her into the metal railing back first then charging at her and clotheslining Taylor right over the railing to land beside the ring flat out on her face, Nicki hops over after her and takes the time to pull down Taylor’s shorts leaving the World Champion stark naked and bleeding heavily as she is finally tossed under the bottom rope and into the ring. We can see now that Taylor’s nose is bleeding too now and she crawls to a corner and props herself up on her arms over the bottom ropes. Well that is too tempting a target and once Nicki Minaj has entered the ring she runs from the opposite corner and turns her back at the last second to slam her large ass right into Taylor’s face in the corner, like a stinkface. For good measure Nicki rubs her ass all over Taylor’s face before stepping out.

Nicki grabs Taylor by the ankles and drags her to the middle of the ring, flat on her back then stands over her, wiggles her ass for the crowd and moves to drop it onto Taylor’s face for what, in likelihood would be the match winning ass smother. At the last second Taylor gets her feet up and uses them to push hard against Nicki’s ass and send her flying out through the ropes to drop to the floor. It’s a break for Taylor and she pushes herself up to her knees then her feet while Nicki does the same outside. Nicki grabs Taylor’s ankles and trips her from outside and drags her towards the corner, looking no doubt to wrap her leg around the metal ringpost. But just as she is about to Taylor pulls her leg towards herself then shoves off with all the strength she has and Nicki flies backwards and smacks her head hard against the metal railing.

Given the severe concussion Nicki suffered from Taylor kicking her in the head last month there is a sharp intake of breath at the sound of Nicki’s skull hitting the metal and the crowd goes silent as she just lies there. Fortunately, Taylor is not in the best shape to take immediate advantage but even though it takes her a good thirty seconds or so to exit the ring and stumble over to her Nicki has still not moved by the time Taylor pulls her up to her knees by her hair. She can barely kneel there as Taylor backs up then runs at her and launches a flying knee right into Nicki’s face. Taylor then straddles Nicki and grabs her head and smacks it back down into the concrete floor four times each time to a chorus of boos from the crowd. She may be a bloody mess but Taylor is in control now and pulls Nicki up only to Irish whip her face first into the outside of the ringpost, hitting with a solid thud. She follows up, stops Nicki before she can slide to her floor, grabs her head again and rams her face repeatedly into the metal before somehow lifting her and rolling her back into the ring.

Taylor really takes over at this point, kicking Nicki around the ring on her hands and knees, lifting her up and dropping her with a DDT (for a two count) then scooping her up to slam her on the mat for another pinfall attempt. Nicki kicks out but as she is trying to get up Taylor measures her and hits her with a kerb stomp, using the sole of her foot to the back of Nicki’s skull to plant her face into the mat. This time when she covers her and the referee counts pretty much everyone expects the three count. But Nicki somehow kicks out just as the refs arm falls for the third time. Frustrated Taylor slaps the mat and hauls Nicki up and tries to lift her and turn her into a piledriver position, but Taylor is too slight for Nicki’s bulk and they topple over with Nicki landing on Taylor and the sharp referee counting to two for a near count before Taylor kicks out.

That shook the champ up a little and both women take their time getting to their feet with Nicki leaning, unsteadily against the ropes. Taylor still thinks she has the advantage and charges but Nicki ducks and backdrops Taylor right up and over the ropes to crash down to the floor via a bump on the apron. Nicki dropped and rolled out after her and turnabout being fair play grabbed her by her hair and rammed Taylor’s bloody face into the post again and again before turning her around and wrapping her hands around her throat and flat out strangling her against the post. The crowd goes wild for that but stops almost as quickly as in a desperate escape Taylor drives her knee up between Nicki’s thighs into her cooch dropping her to her knees, Taylor staggers away but turns and hits a kick right to Nicki’s face putting her down again. This time it’s Taylor’s turn to choke her foe as she grabs a TV cable and wraps it around Nicki’s throat and pulls on it while dragging Nicki around the ring to the ramp.

Dropping her at the foot of the ramp on her hands and knees Taylor steps back from her opponent and is obviously measuring her up. Taylor steps forward and swings her right legs at a ferocious pace aiming square at Nicki’s jaw in a repeat of that deadly kick last month. But Nicki just sees it coming and moves her head at the last minute and grabs Taylor’s leg and brings her down before scooting up and sliding her big, black ass all the way over Taylor’s shocked, bloody face!

It makes for quite the visual as Nicki slides her ass back and forth across Taylor’s face, her arms and legs struggling underneath. Nicki was having quite the time riding Nicki’s face but it did bring more trouble as Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus raced down the ramp and attacked Nicki and dragged her off Taylor. The referee got out and ordered them away as Nicki got up and threw Taylor back into the ring. Nicki whipped Taylor to the ropes and caught her upon her return in a rib crushing bear hug, her strong arms squeezed the younger singer with all their might but Taylor had one out and she leaned her bloody forehead back and snapped it forward with a head-butt that cracked Nicki’s nose and forced her to release the champion. As Nicki staggered back bent over Taylor hit her with a knee lift that dropped her to her knees and this time Taylor swung her foot without warning and caught Nicki in the head and she dropped flat on her face in the ring.

Now Selena and Miley, instead of distracting the referee turned him around and urged him to get back in the ring. The crowd gasped and held their breath as Taylor Swift crawled over and turned Nicki onto her back and flopped on her in a weak cover. One. Two. Thr.. No! From somewhere Nicki managed to throw her arm up and kick out. Taylor’s face was a picture of shock and Selena and Miley shouted at her to get up. This brought Ariana Grande running down to help her friend and she started brawling with Selena and Miley. In the ring Taylor started to punch Nicki but Nicki just seemed to shrug them off and started shaking the ropes and powering up to her feet, “Hulking Up” almost. She blocked Taylor’s punches and returned one with extra, then another and forced her back into a corner. Outside Miley was being beaten down by Ariana but that allowed Selena to get up on the apron and distract Nicki, allowing Taylor to hit another low blow. Ariana dumped Miley into the crowd and leapt up to attack Selena just as Taylor came over too. Nicki saw this and forced herself up and charged, Taylor moved and propelled Nicki forward so that her head cracked right into Ariana’s with a sickening thud upon connection and then Taylor rolled Nicki up and with the ref counting Taylor got her feet up on the ropes for extra leverage. ONE. TWO. THREE!

The winner ,and still World Heavyweight Champion, in 20:11 is TAYLOR SWIFT.

Security clear Ariana, Selena and Miley away from the ring as Nicki kneels in the ring coming to terms with her loss and what it means. As per the stipulations Nicki has her arms handcuffed behind her back as Taylor gets her bag out from under the ring. She waits until Nicki is looking at her before she opens the bag and takes out a dildo that makes even the one Nicki showed us earlier look small. It is also a double dildo in that there are two phallus shaped plastic cocks jutting out from the harness that a bloody Taylor straps on her crotch. Nicki Minaj may well be one of the toughest women in the Federation but even she looks concerned watching the victor. Taylor rips Nicki’s swimsuit off her body roughly and pushed her over onto her face before getting down behind her and with absolutely no lube rams the top dildo into Nicki’s arsehole and the second one into her cunt. Taylor then proceeds to brutally rape Nicki in the middle of the ring for the world to see and by the end, as tough as she is, Nicki is sobbing as she is nastily violated on live PPV.

*

From that traumatic scene we head backstage where Melissa Joan Hart has the unenviable task of interviewing the World tag Team Champions, Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox. Both are entered in the massive 30 woman Royal Rumble that is up next.

“Um, Jennifer and Megan, I take it you have heard the news that Kaley Cuoco has declared herself fit to fight tonight in the Rumble and she is claiming she is after you two.”

With one either side of Melissa she looks distinctly uncomfortable. Jennifer answers.

“Yeah we heard. But why would we be worried? I have crushed that blonde bimbo so many times, broken her leg, drowned her, put her in the hospital. This would just be another beating for her, maybe this time her final one, eh Megan?”

Megan licks her tongue up and down a clearly uncomfortable MJH’s cheek before answering.

“Mmmm, yeah that’s what I like about tonight, so many sluts I get to hurt, it’s like Christmas for me.”

“Er, yes, but one of those ‘sluts’ is your own tag team partner. Can I ask you what you two will do if it comes down to just the two of you?”

They glare at Melissa then at each other then each grab an arm of Melissa and run her across the corridor and fling her into a stack of storage boxes to crash into the wall before turning back to look meaningfully at each other again.

*

And so we come to the first ever Royal Rumble, with 30 women fighting for a place in the Main Event of Bitchmania for the World Heavyweight Championship. Entrants will come down every two minutes and elimination is by over the top rope only until only one woman remains.

The participant that drew number one is on her way out and wouldn’t you know it KATY PERRY’s luck hasn’t improved any as she strides down to ringside. She’s still sporting the short blonde hair she got as a result of her loss to Taylor Swift a couple of months ago. She stands in the ring waiting as the second entrant is announced via a count down on the big screen and when it hits zero out walks RIHANNA.

That gets the crowd buzzing as these two are former tag team partners and were together for a long time before they spilt up but you wouldn’t know it as once Rihanna slides into the ring Katy meets her and they duke it out in the ring. Punches, chops and slaps are traded with eventually Katy getting the upper hand and backing Rihanna into a corner where she got her arm under her former partner’s thigh and tried to lift her up and over. Rihanna struggles through and eventually managed to poke Katy in the eye to get away from her before she grabbed Katy by her arm and tried to fling her over the opposite rope. Katy held onto the ropes and they are struggling there as the counter starts to count down again.

The third entrant is SARAH HYLAND. The Modern Family cutie has had quite the attitude change in recent months and she gets booed as she skips down the ramp and slides into the ring where she immediately leaps up and hits a dropkick on Katy as Rihanna whips her across the ring. Sarah nips up nimbly but has to duck as Rihanna charges with a clothesline and Sarah spins and hits her with a superkick that sends Rihanna into the ropes and Sarah rushes after her to try and tip her over them. As they battle Katy gets to her feet and staggers over to assist but Rihanna is like a snake and just seems to wrap her lithe body around the ropes and they stay like that as the counter appears on the big screen again.

The fourth participant is EMMA WATSON and the English actress runs to the ring and immediately goes after Katy Perry while Rihanna manages to scratch Sarah Hyland in the face before brawling with her. Emma hasn’t featured much recently and is clearly trying to make a splash as she chops the hell out of Katy then runs over and tries to get both the others out with a double clothesline. It doesn’t work and when she turns around and charges at Katy she makes a fatal error in this type of match – she leaves her feet. She launches a cross body clock at Katy who catches her, turns around and dumps her over the top rope for the first elimination of the night. Katy gets no time to celebrate though as Sarah nails her with superkick too and tries to dump her over the ropes as the counter counts down again.

Entrant number five is ARIEL WINTER, last seen being tattooed and raped on PPV thanks to losing to her former team mate Sarah Hyland, and even though she was hated then she seems pretty popular now as she charges down the ramp and meets Sarah half way across the ring and they trade blows before Ariel throws Sarah to the ropes and nearly halves her upon her return with a brutal spear. Ariel picks up her nemesis and they scramble on the ropes trying to eliminate each other when Katy and Rihanna team up and they both lift the younger actresses up and hoist them over the ropes to crash to the floor, eliminating both. Doesn’t matter to Ariel though as she continues to brawl with Sarah, ramming her head first into the ring post before doing the same with her into the commentators table, before Sarah leaps into the crowd and runs away from her enraged ex-partner.

So it’s back to our first two entrants and Katy and Rihanna battle and brawl with Katy finally getting the advantage with a belly-to-belly suplex just as the countdown sounds again. This time it’s Australian rapper IGGY AZALEA that appears and runs to the ring and attacks Katy and beats her down.

With Katy and Rihanna battling, Iggy can slide in and hammers blows into Katy’s back and take over on her, beating her to the canvas. The heels seem to be cooperating and they lift Katy up and drop her on her gut on their knees then lift her up and flip her over the ropes. Katy though, lands on the apron but as she gets to her feet Iggy hits her with a drop kick that sends Katy crashing back first to the floor and out of the Rumble.

Just in time for the buzzer to sound and for SOFIA VERGARA to stride down the ramp and into the ring. Where the busty Colombian is met by a double stomping from Rihanna and Iggy before they haul her up and run across the ring to try and toss her over the top top. Sofia manages to hook the ropes though and wraps her leg around them too. Sofia struggles and flings her elbow back into Iggy’s face to get her off then turns to rake Rihanna’s face with her nails. Iggy has backed into a corner and Sofia charges at her and lands her huge tits right into the blonde’s face much to the crowd’s delight. While she’s rubbing Iggy’s face in there the counter counts down and the crowd erupt when the next contestant out is BEYONCÉ.

Last seen being buried alive we have been waiting for Beyoncé to get her hands on rival Rihanna since, and it’s her she goes for, ducking Rihanna’s attempt to meet her with a clothesline and rebounding with a spear that rocks the ring. In the corner Sofia has stepped up to the middle ropes in the corner and is measuring punches to Iggy’s forehead. But Iggy grabs Sofia around the waist and swings get round and over the ropes and tosses her to the floor.

By now Rihanna is on her knees and Beyoncé is standing over her punching her repeatedly in the head with the crowd counting enthusiastically along. She stops suddenly however, when Iggy crawls behind her and rams an uppercut between her legs. Iggy shoves Beyoncé down onto her back and then she and Katy grab an ankle apiece and pull in opposing directions as the counter hits again and out ninth entrant is revealed as RITA ORA. This is real bad for Beyoncé as all three heels are clearly set on teaming up and Rihanna and Iggy again pull Beyoncé’s wide apart as Rita climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps off with a diving head-butt right into her crotch! All three then proceed to stomp the hell out of Beyoncé and then pull her to her feet and each takes a turn hitting a low blow (a knee from Rita, an uppercut from Iggy and finally a brutal punt from Rihanna) that drops Beyoncé to the canvas. They then try to dump her out as the counter sounds and AMY ADAMS emerges for her in ring debut.

Amy takes her time coming to the ring, clearly enjoying the action in the ring. Beyoncé is struggling like the warrior she is and manages a burst of energy to shrug them off and fire a series of punches and chops to the three heels. But she concentrates on attacking Rihanna and that backfires quickly as Rita leaps on her back and hooks in a sleeper/choke and drags Beyoncé down to her knees. By now Amy has slid into the ring and attacks Iggy Azalea from behind, hits a DDT and tries to fling her over the ropes. Iggy grabs the ropes and swings back in to brawl with Amy.

The cameras pan over to where Rihanna and Rita are just landing punch after punch to Beyoncé’s head and we can see that she is busted open and bleeding over her eye and looking a bit glassy-eyed. The counter hits and the crowd cheer loudly as LADY GAGA emerges holding a folding metal chair and runs down the ramp, slides into the ring and starts hitting everyone in sight with the chair.

Boom! Rihanna takes a shot to the head. Boom! Rita gets a chair to the gut. Boom! She turns around and runs at Iggy and slams the flat chair into Iggy’s face. Boom! Amy Adams gets smacked up around her head. The crowd love this and go mad as the diminutive Gaga holds up the chair and acknowledges the crowds acclaim then throws the chair at Rita, she catches it just in time for Gaga to hit a dropkick into the chair to send it into Rita Ora’s face and send Rita tumbling backwards over the ropes and out of the Rumble.

Gaga helps Beyoncé to her feet and the two of them grab Rihanna and try to toss her over the ropes but Ri-Ri hooks the bottom rope with her leg so it ends up being a bit of a struggle and eventually Amy and Iggy get back in the fight and attack Gaga and Beyoncé from behind to break it all up as the counter starts again. Next to the ring, our twelfth entrant is a young beauty making her Federation debut tonight, HAILEE STEINFELD. The 22 year old, slim brunette smiles and waves to the cheering crowd as she jogs down the ramp and slides into the ring and immediately trades chops with Amy Adams, leaving the other four to brawl in the opposite corner. The youthful Miss Steinfeld gets the upper hand and wrenches the older actresses arm into a standing armbar and runs with it to an empty corner, climbs the ropes nimbly and flips over tossing Adams halfway across the ring. When Amy gets up Hailee jumps up, wraps her thighs around her head and sends her flying with a spinning head scissors which the crowd laps up. Inspired Hailiee hits the ropes again and springs towards Amy with a hand spring back elbow but Amy steps back to avoid it and wraps her arms around Hailee’s stomach and goes to back suplex her up and over the top rope. But Hailee grabs the ropes and hangs on and pulls herself up and as Amy turns around Hailee swings her legs up to grab Amy’s head again and somehow manages to flip her out and over the ropes to a big cheer.

And as Amy Adams crashes out and collides with a just getting up Rita Ora the buzzer sounds again and CHARLIZE THERON appears. The South African blonde is not popular with the fans and takes her sweet time getting to the ring but as she does she sees an opportunity as Rihanna is trying to pull Lady Gaga over the ropes. Charlize reaches up to grab a handful of Gaga’s hair and pulls her down with that, catches her and powers the petite blonde up into a powerbomb position and does just that, powerbombs her onto the edge of the ring then turns and bombs her right down onto the concrete floor with a sickening thud. Lady Gaga is eliminated and just lies motionless at ringside as Charlize gets into the ring.

Beyoncé saw this happen and shrugs off Iggy to charge at Charlize and brawl wildly with her. As that happens Rihanna crawls behind Hailee and hammers in a low blow and she and Iggy start kicking fuck out of the new good girl, stomping the proverbial mud-hole in her before propping her up in the corner and wrapping the tag rope around her throat to choke her wickedly.

The counter ticks inexorably down to our next competitor and there is a sharp intake of breath as EVA GREEN appears. The Frenchwoman has to be one of the overall favourites for this match as she is one of the toughest, meanest bitches in the Federation and with her charges the Royal Family already safely on their way back to the hotel she is now completely off the leash. Iggy sees Eva coming and points her out to Rihanna and the two heels pull Hailee up and in an attempt to get on side push the young actress over to Eva as she gets in the ring. Eva grins and grabs Hailee around the throat and lifts her up and drops her with a ring shaking chokeslam before picking her up again and this time performing the chokeslam over the ropes to hit the hard edge of the apron. Hailee lay for a second then rolled off to the floor to be eliminated and Iggy and Rihanna go for a high five with Eva. She ignores this to level them both with a crushing double clothesline. It is Iggy Azalea’s great misfortune that she lands nearer Eva as Eva lifts her up by the hair and literally hauls her up and into a military press and walks across the ring with her up there before throwing her down and over the top rope to crash hard on the floor at the bottom of the ramp.

As she lands the buzzer sounds again and this time it’s LUCY LIU that emerges and the tiny Asian runs down, dives into the ring and goes right after Eva. Of course Lucy and Eva have history. It was Lucy that so cleverly tied Eva’s hair to the cage in the most recent War Games match that effectively took her out of the match that saw Kate Middleton end up getting branded after losing. Eva clearly remembers this and goes straight for Lucy, Lucy ducks her attack, hits the ropes and launches a crossbody block. But Eva catches her, holds her for a moment then drops her down into the cruellest looking backbreaker across her knee and pushes her face back to bend Lucy in a way her body is not meant to go. Eva holds her then incredibly lifts her up and flips her onto her shoulder and straight into an over the shoulder back breaker which she bounces with before spinning her round into a chokeslam that Eva deposits her foe like a rag doll right over the ropes and right down onto the floor with the most vicious chokeslam I think we’ve ever seen. Not too surprisingly Lucy just lays on the floor unconscious.

Watching that was enough for Charlize and she charged at Eva from behind to try to beat her down while Beyoncé and Rihanna battle over the ropes for the umpteenth time tonight with neither having any measure of advantage. But Eva sensed Charlize’s attack and shrugged off the blow to her back and turned around with a scary grin on her face. Charlize begged off to no avail before she was grabbed around the throat, hoisted up and chokeslammed down. The crowd were liking this now and cheered as Eva bent and wrapped both her hands around the blonde’s throat and pulled her up and off her feet and half pushed / half dropped her over the top rope to crash to the floor. The Frenchwoman turned and charged at where Beyonce and Rihanna were and in one swift move lifted and threw them both up and over out of the ring to leave her the only competitor still in the Rumble!

As the crowd counted down Beyonce and Rihanna continued to brawl and actually went into the crowd trading slaps and punches their feud showing no signs of slowing. The buzzer sounded and out came HAYLEY ATWELL, one of the few competitors that might challenge Eva Green one on one. They had certainly clashed before and Hayley showed no fear as she ran down the ramp and slid into the ring and went to-to-toe with the Frenchwoman. Hayley threw punch after punch to little effect but after ducking one from Eva she hit the ropes and returned with a spear that finally took her off her feet. As Hayley sat on the matt though Eva sat up and latched her hand around the Englishwoman’s throat and choked her where she sat, before lifting her to her feet, measuring her and nailing her into the canvas with a bone shaking chokeslam. Eva pulled Hayley up to a sitting position by her hair then got behind her and wrapped her forearm around her throat and began choking her out with a sleeperhold as the counter counted down again.

Next out is another debutant tonight, the new Mary Poppins herself, EMILY BLUNT. And she rushes to the aid of her fellow brunette Englishwoman by getting into the ring and raking Eva’s eyes to make her break her hold. Emily really took the fight to Eva, assailing her with a barrage of blows while Hayley struggled to her feet and from there the two Anglo’s doubled up on their French foe. Hayley hit a sneaky chop block from behind just as Emily hit a lariat clothesline to take Eva down. Having beaten her down some more they picked her up and hooked their arms over her shoulders and tried to lift her with a double suplex but Eva blocked them, fought free and grabbed a throat with each hand and lifted both for an amazing double chokeslam just as the next participant came out. It was revealed as NATALIE DORMER, which meant assistance for Eva (not that she looked like needing it) from her fellow Royal Court member. The 36 year old posh actress hurries to the ring and kneels over Emily Blunt and fires in a series of punches to her face while Eva kneels over Hayley and literally strangles her as she lies on the canvas. This only changes when Natalie lifts Emily, leads her over to the ropes and attempts to dump her over them but Emily wraps her arms around the ropes and draws the breaks on.

At this point the cameras cut to the back where Beyoncé and Rihanna are still brawling and have made it through the crowd and are now fighting in the main entrance and actually out into the parking lot. Beyoncé slams Rihanna’s face into a car and opens the door and pushed her enemies head down in position to slam the door on it but as she draws back the door Rita Ora nails her from behind. Now it’s Rita that forces Beyoncé head down in the crack of the door and stands back to allow Rihanna to swing the door back and slam it on her hated rival’s skull. At that point a load of officials arrive out and the heels get out of there while Beyoncé lies on the ground completely unmoving.

Back in the ring Eva has Hayley up and is trying to get her over the top as the counter counts down again and the crowd erupts in boos as SCARLETT JOHANSSON emerges and walks to the ring. Scarlett has raced up the most hated list since her secret campaign of revenge porn reveals against her supposed friend Jennifer Lawrence culminating in last month’s reveal and the brutal beat down Scarlett and her comrades gave J-Law, scalding her badly with boiling water. She milks her reception before entering the ring and immediately attacks Natalie and Emily before rushing over and tries to tip both Hayley and Eva over the ropes at once. She gets neither over and the three end up see-sawing over the ropes. Emily crawls away from a recovering Natalie and pulls herself up and when Natalie charges her she gets her foot up right into her face and then drops her with a clothesline before staggering over to attack Scarlett. Scarlett cuts her off though with a series of vicious knife edge chops that back Miss blunt into a corner as the counter continues relentlessly onwards.

And as it hits zero again the crowd erupts with cheers as entrant number 20 is JENNIFER LAWRENCE and the blonde runs down the ramp, slides into the ring and goes straight after her former friend Scarlett and just overwhelms her with a flurry of wild punches, leading to her lifting her up and slamming her down in the middle of the ring, J-Law only has eyes for Scarlett and squats on her and pounds in more punches but halts as Eva Green (who has scratched Hayley Atwell’s eyes seconds before) comes up behind her, pulls her to her feet by her hair and spins her round and looks to grab her for a chokeslam on top of Scarlett. But Jennifer kicks Eva’s gut, grabs her head and DDT’s the Frenchwoman’s head right down and into Scarlett’s gut! When she gets up Natalie Dormer breaks off from trying to get Emily Blunt out to charge at Jennifer but Miss Lawrence sees her coming, sidesteps her and boosts her out and over to top to crash to the floor.

As J-Law looks down and laughs at Natalie, Scarlett gets up behind her and tries to lift her over the ropes herself but Jennifer grabs the ropes to prevent herself going over and as they struggle Hayley and Emily try once more to get Eva Green up and over the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. That’s the layout that the next entrant is faced with and there is an intake of breath as resident psycho MEGAN FOX emerges and rushes to the ring. Megan has to be a potential winner of this thing and has always made it clear she wanted a Title shot sometime, despite being a multi tag team champion. Much to the crowds pleasure the first person to face up to Megan is Eva Green, both heel monsters are hated and feared but to see them face up to each other like this is a fantasy situation and they just unload on each other hard with punches and chops and kicks, the crowd egging them on.

Meantime Jennifer Lawrence has escaped Scarlett’s attempts to eliminate her and nails her with a ropes assisted running kick to her face and is hoisting her up onto the turnbuckle and climbing up after her to deliver a superplex right in the centre of the canvas that only just misses where Megan and Eva are brawling. Unfortunately, it stops Fox and Green’s battle and they both pick up J-Law and double military press her up and drop her right down onto where Scarlett lies. Both are winded and can only look on as Blunt and Atwell charge Fox and Green and there is a melee in centre ring.

And into this enters JENNIFER LOPEZ. The Latino superstar hurries to the ring and immediately targets Jennifer Lawrence. J-Lo was another of her attackers at Halloween Horrorshow and she wastes no time beating her up again, she tosses Lawrence across to where Natalie Dormer stands and demands she holds her up, Natalie does and J-Lo sets up and delivers a hell of a superkick. Only problem being that J-Law ducked and it caught Natalie flush on the jaw. She staggers back against the ropes and is easy prey for Jennifer Lawrence to toss over the top and down to the floor. Doing that though allowed Lopez to kick her in the gut and, with Scarlett back to her feet the pair double lift Lawrence up and look to drop her gut first across the top rope. By sheer fluke the bounce favours her and she bounces into the ring, landing hard on her back. Scarlett gleefully jumps up and drives her knee down between Lawrence;s thighs then holds her legs open for J-lo to follow suit.

Elsewhere Fox and Green have come to another temporary truce and ram Hayley Atwell and Emily Blunt’s head together brutally three times with both brunette’s forehead busted open after the third collision and as Blunt staggers away it’s simple for Megan Fox to help her on her way over the top rope and crash down to the floor. They then turn their attention to Hayley and Eva lifts her up for a piledriver and Megan leaps up to drive down her feet and they deliver a vicious spike piledriver to the Englishwoman that leaves her spark out as the buzzer hits again and the crowd cheers as another of their favourites, ARIANA GRANDE emerges and sprints to the ring. Ariana shows no sign of ill effect from her involvement in the earlier World Title match and she ducks under an Eva Green clothesline and returns with a high dropkick that sends the Frenchwoman to her ass. It also, however, allows Megan Fox to grab her by the hair and literally fling her across the ring on her ass. Megan follows up with a running knee right into the pop princess’s face.

As this happens Scarlett and J-Lo are double teaming Jennifer Lawrence and each has a leg as they have her trapped in a double Boston crab that is bending the blonde in a way that God did not intend a human body to be bent. Scarlett leans back and grabs J-Law’s hair and pulls back on that too. In a corner Megan is beating on a downed Ariana, stomping the hell out of her when Eva pulls her away so that she can stamp on Ariana, well that just angers Miss Fox and before we know it the two are back at each other’s throats, clawing away at each other as they battle along the ropes. Ariana pulls herself up and runs across the ring to dropkick Lopez and Johansson off Jennifer Lawrence then starts to chop the hell out of J-Lo much to the crowd’s enjoyment.

Next out to the chaos is CATHERINE ZETA JONES. The 49 year old Welshwoman immediately targets Eva Green desperate for some measure of revenge given the fate that has befallen her partner Elizabeth Hurley at Eva’s boss’s hands. She charges in and spears Eva, driving her to the canvas. That seemed to anger Megan Fox though and she got over CZJ and drove her foot down onto her head to kerb stomp her hard into the mat. As this takes place J-Lo has turned the tables on Ariana with a lowblow and is hammering in uppercuts to her in a corner, while J-Law and Scarlett scratch and claw at each other as they lay on the mat and only now is Hayley Atwell showing any signs of coming round.

Fox and Green are back to teaming now and they combine to lift Catherine up and drop her down from quite the height , throat first across the top rope. She reels away to the canvas grabbing at her throat and gasping only for the two monsters to lift her in the same move again but this time extend her a bit further over the ropes so her thighs land on the ropes and she bounces off them and clatters down to the floor taking a nasty looking bump onto her head. Fox and Green look for a second like they will go back at it but turn to see Hayley Atwell back to her feet and each grabs her around the throat, turns her around and lifts her up for a double chokeslam over the top rope to land right on top of a motionless Catherine Zeta Jones.

And soon to be stepping around this pile of wrecked bodies is is EMMA STONE, the 30 year old actress getting roughly the same reception as Scarlett did for her part in the betrayal of J-Law. And it is to Scarlet and Jennifer that Emma makes her way, driving her knee into an unsuspecting Jennifer’s back to drop her to her knees in a perfect position for Scarlett to unload a bunch of punches to her former friends face. From there they cruelly took a handful of Jennifer’s long blonde hair each and pulled in opposite directions, stretching her hair obscenely before actually ripping some of it out of her scalp!

Across the ring Jennifer Lopez had Ariana Grande on the verge of elimination but somehow the youngster was clinging onto the ropes and yet again Megan Fox and Eva Green had turned on each other and were laying in some heavy duty punches that neither was backing down from.

Meantime, Stone and Johansson lift Lawrence up and try to propel her over the top ropes but Jen manages to grab the ropes and driven on by the burning pain in her scalp she kicks her legs wildly and manages to kick her attackers off just as the buzzer sounds again. The crowd goes wild as KALEY CUOCO emerges and charges to the ring. The leggy blonde has been out of action since she and Melissa Rauch dropped the World Tag Team titles to Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox and it is Megan she targets immediately, ducking under Megan’s attempt to greet her with a clothesline, hitting the ropes and rebounding with a crushing spear. As Kaley got up though Eva Green grabbed her round the throat for a chokeslam but Kaley kicked her between the thighs and spiked her with a DDT into the canvas. Seeing this vigorous entrance Jennifer Lopez left off her struggle with Ariana and came on the attack but was met with a perfect superkick to the chin as she charged over. On a roll now Kaley hit the ropes and flew through the air to land a crossbody block into J-Law, Scarlett and Emma to flatten the lot and leave the crowd roaring. Kaley is first up and runs over to nail Eva with a jumping kick to the head that finally brings the Frenchwoman down and Kaley Cuoco stands tall the last woman standing. But while Kaley was on her rampage Ariana was recovering and had climbed to the top and she leapt off with a missile dropkick from the top rope hitting Kaley in the back of the head and flattening her.

With everybody down it’s time for the next entrant, the Junior Heavyweight Champion SELENA GOMEZ,. Selena hurries to the ring and goes right after Ariana Grande laying in flurry of punches. Ariana blocks them though and leaps up to wrap her legs around Selena’s head for a headscissors, but Selena grabs the ropes to prevent her going over and shifts her weight to hoist Ariana up and turns and powerbombs her on top of the turnbuckle with a buckle bomb! Ariana physically crumples on the turnbuckle and offers no resistance as Selena shoves her over and out of the ring to the floor, eliminating her. As she turns from that Kaley hits another superkick, this time nailing Selena but before she can follow up Eva catches her and this time lifts her up and drops her sharply with a chokeslam.

The ring is carnage now, bodies lying and crawling and struggling and there is a heightened expectation in the air as we know it’s getting towards the last few entrants of the Rumble and that a winner is not far off. Jennifer Lawrence is in trouble again as now Scarlet, Emma and Jennifer Lopez are triple teaming her and those bitches are brutal. Scarlet holds J-Law’s arms behind her back and holds her up as Emma and J-Lo take turn about to whip in vicious chop after chop on her by now beet red chest. After one particularly hard chop J-Lo leans in to talk trash and in desperation J-Law head butts her square in the face! With a spurt of energy she frees an arm and flings her elbow back right into Scarlett’s face and hurries forward to nail Emma with a hard clothesline to finally stand over her three tormentors. As she does so the buzzer sounds and the third last competitor emerges, it’s the other half of the World Tag Team Champions, JENNIFER ANISTON, and with both Champs now in the ring they surely must be strong favourites to make it to the end.

Aniston rushes to the ring and immediately targets her old enemy Kaley Cuoco, ramming her head into the corner turnbuckle repeatedly.

Jen must have battered Kaley’s head off the turnbuckle upwards of twenty times and would probably have continued but she saw, from the corner of her eye, that her partner was in trouble. Megan and Eva had got up simultaneously and slugged it out again but this time it was Eva that took the upper hand and she had slung Megan’s arm over her shoulder and was preparing to suplex her up and over the ropes. Jennifer rushed over and hooked her arm over Eva’s shoulders and between them the World Tag Team champs double lifted Eva Green up and dropped her, crotch first, on the top rope. The champs shared a look and Jennifer dropped to her hands and knees while Megan hot the far ropes, spring boarded off her partner’s back and hit a flying forearm to Eva to topple her off and over the ropes to the floor! After the longest stay in the Rumble the Frenchwoman had been eliminated.

As Eva picks herself up (and gets a smattering of applause from a grudgingly impressed audience) the buzzer sounds and our penultimate competitor emerges, it’s MILEY CYRUS. She skips down the ramp and, unfortunately for her, runs straight into Eva. She grabs the blonde around the throat, hoists her up and chokeslams her mercilessly on the metal ramp! And then she picks Miley up and does it again and a third time before throwing the small blonde into the ring prior to a gaggle of officials get down there to usher her away. Miley is motionless on the canvas and Aniston and Fox lift her up and chuck her out, Miley’s friend Selena Gomez watched on, could have tried to aid her but clearly decided against even trying.

Somewhat amazingly Jennifer Lawrence still has the upper hand on her three enemies, she is fired up and moves from one to the other of Emma, Scarlett and J-Lo with punch after punch She must be running on extra reserves of energy after the beating she has taken tonight but she powers through and to the delight of the crowd she grabs Jennifer Lopez’s long hair and literally swings her around, knocking over Emma and Scarlett as she does so. Across the ring Kaley explodes into life too, levelling Megan and Jennifer Aniston with a double clothesline, all the time Selena holds back in a coroner, content to watch the action unfold as the counter counts down for the last time and the final entrant makes her appearance.

There is a pause and ANGELINA JOLIE emerges to a rapturous ovation, but clearly from the walking stick she still uses (thanks to being crippled by her former partner Megan Fox) she is not getting in the ring, instead she stands to the side and allows ALICIA VIKANDER to emerge and move to the ring. Angelina, we will discover has returned as Alicia’s manager. The 30 year old Swede enters the ring and immediately goes after Megan Fox while Kaley focuses on Aniston.

This is serious now. One of these 9 remaining women will go one to win this match and challenge for the World Title at Bitchmania.

Alicia is going after Megan with a vengeance, egged on by Angelina, she whips her into the corner and batters her with punch after punch before driving her face into the mat with a flying bulldog headlock. Kaley meanwhile has Jennifer Aniston perched in another corner, her legs draped over ropes and runs in and punts her nemesis right in the cunt. Unfortunately as she squats to goad Jen, Selena runs up and kicks Kaley in the cunt too from behind!

As this is going on Jennifer Lawrence is so close to getting Scarlett over the top rope and goes to give her one last heave just as Jennifer Lopez charges over to attack. J-Law sees it coming and ducks lower and manages to back drop her rival up and over and out to the floor. She then dislodges Scarlett Johansson’s last fingers from the ropes and gets her out too, though Scarlett manages to somehow reach up and grab onto Jennifer’s hair to just stop her feet reaching the floor. As J-Law desperately tries to break that Emma Stone sneaks up behind her and flips her over the ropes and Jennifer lands out on top of Scarlett and J-Lo. The crowd are disappointed as Jennifer Lawrence was a clear crowd favourite tonight. Emma Stone celebrates in the ring but that is that a dumb move in this environment as Selena Gomez runs over and hits a drop kick to her back and sends her out too.

Wow that has cleared the ring somewhat and there are now only five women left who can win this thing. Alicia Vikander is looking good, actually dominating Megan Fox and nearly has her over the ropes when Jennifer Aniston rakes Kaley Cuoco in the eyes and rushes over to help. But instead of helping she gets behind Vikander and tips her over the ropes and Megan crashes down and out too, meaning Jennifer Aniston is, in effect, just eliminated her Tag Team partner. Megan gets up and shouts and Jennifer but as she is moving nearer to the ring to remonstrate Angelina swings her walking stick like a baseball bat and smashes it into the back of Megan’s head, dropping her and she and Alicia continue a harsh beatdown. Aniston looks on helplessly but is distracted enough that Kaley grabs one of her legs, Selena grabs the other and the two tip Jennifer Aniston up and over to eliminate her. She takes her time getting up and chasing Megan’s attackers off such is her disappointment.

There is chaos outside the ring. On one side Jennifer Lawrence is being triple teamed by Lopez, Johansson and Stone. She gamely tries to fend them off but is overcome and while the other two lift her up Emma Stone stands on the apron, accepts Lawrence’s body up then leaps off and powerbombs her through the announcers table. It disintegrates into hundreds of pieces on landing and J-Law is left laying in amongst the carnage as the three heels celebrate over her.

On the other side of the ring, Vikander and Jolie have made a retreat to the top of the ramp but Fox and Aniston have not pursued them. Instead Megan Fox is pointing at her partner and is clearly not happy at her elimination and is blaming Aniston for it. Jennifer is no shrinking violet either does not back down and just when it looks like the tag team champs might come to blows they stop themselves but neither looks too happy with the other.

So we are left with just two people in the ring. The last women standing, Kaley Cuoco and Selena Gomez. One of these two will face whoever is the World Heavyweight Champion at this year’s Bitchmania. The crowd ups the volume and roar as the two lock up in the ring with Kaley, clearly the crowd favourite. And the leggy blonde takes the advantage after ducking a clotheline from Selena, grabbing her opponent’s head and DDT’ing her into the mat. She hauls Selena up and throws her half over the top rope before the younger brunette manages to grab the ropes and stop herself going over them. Kaley gets right behind he to try and tip her over but Selena is able to reach her hand back through the ropes and poke Kaley right in the eye to get her off before Selena swings herself back onto the mat and this time her clothesline does hit and drops the blonde to her back. With a step onto the bottom rope providing a boost, Selena springs up and drops a high legdrop right across Kaley’s face and wastes little more time pulling her up by her long hair and trying to force her over the top.

Kaley fights with all she has and eventually one of the many, desperate back elbows she throws catches Selena’s face and forces her to back off. Kaley charges but Selena sidesteps her, pushes her into the ropes and on her way back pulls the blonde down just as Selena drops, lifting her knees right into Kaley’s back. Selena springs up and drags Kaley with her and whips her to the corner with real venom, following in with a splash. Selena then lifts Kaley up so she is sitting on the top turnbuckle and steps up herself, all the while laying punches in. they totter up there and it looks like they may fall off, especially when Selena pulls Kaley to her feet and they both stand on the top turnbuckle. From somewhere Kaley finds a headbutt into her opponents face then a send one and Selena’s foot slips backwards and she falls from the ropes into the ring. But that movement unsteadies Kaley’s footing and she drops right down crotching herself brutally on the metal support that attaches turnbuckle to post.

That gets replayed a couple of times and the drop of almost four feet right onto her pussy looks worse with each showing. She is still sitting there when Selena recovers and Kaley offers nothing as the brunette climbs the turnbuckle again and this times lifts Kaley up by her hair before letting her drop on her cunt again, and again and again. After the third time Kaley is actually in tears and does nothing to block the hard kick Selena delivers to the side of the head that sends her toppling off her uncomfortable perch and crashing to the floor.

The winner in 64:01 is SELENA GOMEZ and she will now have that coveted No. 1 contender’s position going into Bitchmania. And speaking of which as Selena stands victorious in the ring, her arms raised in celebration her friend and the World Heavyweight Champion, Taylor Swift emerges and walks down the ramps slowly applauding Selena’s victory. Taylor gets in the ring, her World title over her shoulder and carefully raises Selena’s arm. There is clearly a small bit of Selena that wonders if Taylor will attack her but she doesn’t and the show ends with the two friends embracing in the ring.

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That leaves us with one more show on the Road to Bitchmania. And the card for the Queen Of The Ring PPV starts coming together in the next few weeks.

In a World title defence TAYLOR SWIFT V. NICKI MINAJ V. ARIANA GRANDE (Triple Threat rules)
SELENA GOMEZ v. KALEY CUOCO with Selena’s title shot up against Kaley’s hair
KATE MIDDLETON V. RHONDA ROUSSEY (where if Kate win’s she can book a match against Stephanie McMahon at Bitchmania)
JENNIFER LAWRENCE V. EMMA STONE
MEGAN FOX & JENNIFER ANISTON V. JENNIFER LOPEZ & IGGY AZALEA
BEYONCE V. RITA ORA
MEGHAN MARKLE V. HAYLEY ATWELL
AND THE SEMI FINALS AND FINALS OF A TOURNAMENT TO DECIDE A NEW JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION AFTER SELENA GOMEZ RELINQUISHED HER TITLE
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