BITCHBRAWL
By DARK CLOUD
A line of fancily dressed courtiers emerge at the top of the ramp, split to either side to form a ‘guard of honour’ then raise their trumpets to their mouths and sound a brassy fanfare. Then, from the entrance, emerges six strong, muscly, topless men carrying a golden throne on their shoulders. Sat in the throne is the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton – the now, undisputed owner of the CBF (Celebrity Bitch Federation). Kate has a wide, shit eating smile on her face and is wearing an expensive designer gown and is decorated all over with expensive looking jewellery, topped by a diamond encrusted crown. She is going all out to re-inforce her position within the Federation. The crowd hate this and boo loudly as the men slowly carry her on her throne to the ring. Behind her walk her entourage of Eva Green, Charlotte Flair, Meghan Markle, Pippa Middleton and Jenna Coleman. At the bottom of the ramp the men rest the throne on the apron and Kate steps up and off the throne and steps through the ropes and walks to centre ring and lifts a microphone to her mouth. The booing is deafening, forcing Kate to wait a while until it dies down before she speaks.
“Thank you! Now as you will all know, I am now, as of my victory last month over the previous owner, the sole and 100% owner of the Federation. I am the sole match-maker and booker and everything and everyone under contract is answerable to me!”
She pauses as the crowd boo her heavily again.
“You should not boo me so much. I intend to make decisions you will all appreciate and enjoy. For example, tonight in our Main Event, Selena Gomez will defend her Heavyweight Championship against the former champ, Taylor Swift after Taylor exercised her re-match clause. Now I am sure you all saw what happened at the end of their match last month. Because of that I have added two stipulations to this re-match. First, that is it as an “I QUIT” match where the loser will be decided by submissions only. Secondly, as Taytlor is so fond of fucking her opponents after matches I will save her the effort tonight, I have brought in a mechanical fucking machine that will stretch the losers three holes but will also add some electrical torment to the fray too. The loser of that match will spend the night in the confines of my new toy!”
That actually got a cheer of sorts for Kate, the fans imagining Taylor Swift tasting some of her own medicine were she to be defeated tonight.
“And in the same vein of giving you, my audience more excitement in another match I am getting involved in. Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj are facing off for the first time tonight. Well rather than a straight match with no consequences I am appointing a special referee for this match and there will be consequences for the loser because this will be a “Be My Bitch” match and the loser will become the winner’s pet for the next 30 days. Specifically they will become their dog and will wear a collar and leash, eat dog food and stay in a kennel for that period. You like that?”
The crowd wasn’t so sure about this change but before they could react Kate had moved on.
“And speaking of people who having lost a big match had to face the consequences, let me now introduce my new PA for the next 12 months! Stephanie McMahon!”
All heads turned towards th enetrance and eventually Stephanie appeared. She was much changed She was dressed similarly to how Miss Hancock (Stacey Kiebler) did in WCW. In a sexy secretaries outfit, jacket and impossibly small skirt, her hair in a ponytail. Her face was deeply unhappy though and the other big change was at the front as she had undergone the breast reduction surgery as a forfeit for losing the match to Kate. Her previously large chest was now as flat as a board! Steph stumbled down the ramp in huge heels and eventually made it in to the ring to stand in front of Kate.
“Or should I say the new and improved Stephanie McMahon? Steph how about you show everybody everything, undress for us would you?”
Clearly something had been broken in the former owner for her eyes were on the mat and she did as instructed immediately, taking off her jacket, skirt, heels and bra and panties to reveal her completely nude. Her tits were now like two fried eggs on her chest.
“Drop to you knees and assume the submissive position while I tell everyone about my plans.”
Steph did as ordered as Kate continued.
“You see I don’t really need a new PA, leastwise not one so incompetent as this idiot. So what I am going to do is have a Stephanie McMahon challenge each show, really let her showcase her skills in the ring. Being the great match maker I am I will be sure to give you guys lots of different types of match. Starting right now! So first up we will have Stephanie McMahon versus Eva Green in a loser kisses the winners ass match!”
The fans crap all over that announcement and boo the hell out of it but Kate does not care. She and the rest of her Royal Court exit the ring except for Eva who towers over the still kneeling Stephanie. Eva is wearing a black, one piece swimsuit and once the rest have cleared the ring she reaches down, grabs Stephanie’s ponytail and jerks her to her feet by it. From somewhere, some instinct kicks in and Stephanie swings her arms and kicks her feet to try and struggle free but Eva rams her hand into Steph’s throat and grabs it then lifts her up and drops her hard with a ring shaking chokeslam. From somewhere a referee slides under the bottom rope and goes to count as Eva lazily covers her ‘opponent’. ONE.TWO. But Eva smiles and pulls Stephanie’s head up after two to break the count and lifts her to her feet and once again hooks her hand into Steph’s throat and lifts and drops her with another big chokeslam. Eva doesn’t even bother faking a cover this time and instead lifts a motionless Stephanie a third time and hits the hardest chokeslam yet. This time she does deign to cover her.
ONE. TWO.THREE.
The winner in 1:23 is EVA GREEN. The Royal Court all get back in the ring and Charlotte pulls Stephanie to her knees by her hair and uses it to shove Steph’s face into Eva’s waiting ass, rubbing it humiliatingly in there. It’s a horrible fate for the former owner and as Kate and her entourage finally depart the scene Charlotte makes sure to drag her former employer out after them by her ponytail.
*
Next up was scheduled to be a tag match between Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner against Miley Cyrus and Sarah Hyland. However, Miss Cyrus has missed her flight due to getting roaring drunk, assaulting a flight attendant and flashing her tits at the paparazzi as she was led away in cuffs from the airport, so as it is Sarah Hyland walks down to the ring alone with a microphone in hand. The petite brunette is wearing a whispy silk kimono over a dark bra and panties combo and gets into the ring before addressing the crowd.
“As you may have heard my partner for tonight has run into some local difficulties in terms of transport.”
The boisterous crowd let go with a rousing chant of “SHE’S A DRUNK WHORE” which got so loud Sarah had to break off her speech and wait until they crowd eventually calmed down.
“You people are so classy, aren’t you. Now shut up while I am speaking!”
Of course that got Sarah loads more heel heat and again she had to wait to speak, while she did the Game Of Thrones theme hit and Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner came out and strolled down the ramp.
“No! No! No! As I was trying to say, if these people would let me, I am not prepared to take you two on by myself. So I was thinking maybe I can have a single smatch against one of you, Maisie perhaps, for her title belt?”
Maisie smirked and indicated for Sophie to take the floor.
“Or how about me you stupid little bimbo! You are just trying to get an unearned title shot and I don’t think anyone thinks you deserve it!”
“Who are you calling a bimbo, ginger? OK, I’ll take you on Sophie but I want a title shot if I win!”
Maisie answered this challenge.
“You are on! Soph go and smash her!”
Sophie ran to the ring and slid under the bottom rope and Sarah started stomping her as the bell rang to start this now singles encounter. Sarah was desperate to keep her advantage and just kicked the living hell out of Sophie even as the red head tried to get to her feet. Somehow she made it up but Sarah grabbed her and whipped her into the ropes and leapt up and wrapped her legs around Sophie’s head and went for a flying headscissors. But Sophie blocked it and held Sarah there, and in quite the show of power, adjusted Sarah up and slammed her down in a form of powerbomb that rocked the ring. Sophie hauled Sarah up by her bra strap and it snapped and fell off leaving Miss Hyland topless as the English actress nailed her with four big uppercuts that sent Sarah reeling back into the corner and that were followed up by some vicious chops that the crowd (and Maisie) cheered on. She then whipped Sarah across the ring to the opposite corner and ran after to deliver a leaping splash onto her that saw the American fall face first onto the mat. Sophie kicked her onto her back and climbed the nearest turnbuckle, she raised her arms aloft and looked quite the sight in her red two piece before leaping off with a flying elbow – that missed its mark as Sarah rolled towards the corner.
It looked like Sophie had hyper-extended her arm upon that crash landing and she felt at it in pain. Sarah saw this and saw her chance, she scrambled to her feet and ran over to stamp right on the injured elbow, she then rolled Sophie onto her front and grabbed the injured limb and arm barred it then leaned back hard to pull it against its normal direction. Sophie cried out as the referee asked if she wanted to give but shook her head in the negative. Sarah poured on the pressure but Sophie managed to drag herself across the canvas, inch by agonising inch and finally stretch out to grab the bottom rope to force a break. But as the referee forced a break at the count of four it was clear the red head’s arm was badly wounded. Sarah was right back on it, winding it over and through the top ropes and slamming punches to it then viciously arm dragging Sophie over and applying a kneeling arm bar that she nicely transitioned into a crossface that she then wrenched back on. Sophie’s face was under strain but she was clearly determined not to submit, instead she took the pressure and somehow pulled her knees up under her and levered herself (and Sarah) up then she slowly stood up with Sarah still hanging on! Again Sophie was holding her opponent up in a modified powerbomb position but this time she ran towards a corner and dropped the American hard on her back across the turnbuckle! Sarah flopped down and Sophie tucked her head between her thighs, swivelled and this time hit a normal powerbomb into the middle of the ring and covered and got the closest two count you can imagine before Sarah weakly kicked out.
Sophie got up and pulled a barely conscious Sarah up by her hair and once again stuffed her head between Sophie’s thighs. Sophie smiled and walked her fingers down Sarah’s back and grasped the band of Sarah’s panties and hauled as hard as she could on it, jerking Sarah’s panties cruelly into her crotch.
Before flipping Sarah up, grabbing her legs, putting her legs around her arms and falling forward with a Styles Clash to slam Sarah face first onto the mat. The cover followed. ONE.TWO.THREE.
The winner in 5:01 is SOPHIE TURNER. Maisie rolls into the ring and hugs her friend while the referee lifts Sophie’s arm in victory. Maisie goes to leave to let Sophie have the glory but Sophie rolls out and grabs the ring announcers mic and calls her back.
“Maisie! Maisie, you were willing to let that little bimbo get a tile shot if she won, so what about me then? Willing to face me?”
The champion stopped and stared at her friend before smiling and nodding and shouting back, “Yes”. The two shared a long lingering look and it looks like we have Maisie’s next title defence lined up.
*
The screen fades to black and a video airs of the Federation’s newest signing Zendaya Coleman. We see a series of clips of the 22 year old actress looking radiant and stunning and she certainly looks to be quite the addition.
The promo comes to an end and we head backstage where Kristen Bell has Ariana Grande for an emotional interview.
“Ari, wow another twist in the tail earlier tonight when the Duchess, Kate Middleton added those stipulations to your match up tonight against your friend and partner, Nicki Minaj….”
“Let me stop you there Kristen, that is former friend and former partner, I could never trust that fat bitch again after the way she abandoned me last month then sat her fat, sweaty ass on me. But she’ll get hers tonight. And as for a special guest referee? Fine, as long as they stay out of my way!”
A fired up Ariana hands the mic back to Kristen and storms off.
*
We return to the arena to witness an unusual sight – Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox approaching the ring for a match with neither the World Tag Team Title nor their customary smug, superior looks on their faces. Instead the formerly dominant champs have tense expressions and their body language is hardly positive towards each other. Hardly surprising as ever since they clashed at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year things have not been right between them. Even their clothing is at odds, Jen in her white vest and denims shorts while Megan is in a sexy black one-piece with mesh over the large v shape down her front. They don’t even share a word as they get in the ring and glare up the ramp awaiting the new champions.
Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts come out to a rapturous reception from the crowd, not only are they likeable favourites but everyone was just so overjoyed that the most hated dup in Federation were toppled. The Champions are in matching navy blue two piece bikini’s and their figures bely their respective ages as they both look stunning (especially with the golden title belts around their waists). They slap plenty of fans hands as they come down the ramp with everyone wanting to high five and congratulate them. Megan Fox stands in the ring and visibly fumes until she blows and she runs, slides out of the ring and charges at the champs clubbing them with a clumsy looking double clothesline that sends all three off the side of the ramp to the floor (not a long fall as they were near the bottom by the time Megan attacked). Jennifer Aniston stands in the corner looking bemused by the attack but then decides she’d better join in and drops off the apron and walks around the ring to where the other three are. By the time she gets there Megan is to her feet and laying in punches and kicks with a berserker like fury. She finally scoops up Sandra and slams her down hard on the ramp, making the older brunette arch her spine in agony. Jen grabbed Julia by her hair and dragged her towards the ring and pulled her up and whipped her spine first into the edge of the ring apron before following up with a knee right into her gut that doubled Julia over. From there Jen grabbed her again and propelled her at full pelt into the steel ring steps. Julia smashed shoulder first into the steps, sent them flying and made a hell of a din as they flew apart.
Meanwhile on the ramp Megan had Sandra up and hooked for a suplex, which she delayed for a few moments before falling back on the ramp. The bell hadn’t even sounded and the new champs were in all sorts of trouble. Sensing that the referee might not allow this to go on like this forever Jennifer pulled Julia up and threw her into the ring and followed behind her and the ref signalled for the bell to ring. The beating did not let up for Julia inside the ring and Jennifer stamped the holy hell out of her before literally pulling off Julia’s bra and letting her tits bounce free. Outside the ring Megan, despite being admonished by the referee had Irish whopped Sandra face first into the outside of the corner post at a horrible velocity. Megan was a woman possessed and got behind Sandra, garbbed a tight hold of her hair and proceeded to smack her face repeated into the post, when she finally paused and pulled Sandra’s dazed face away from the metal we could see she was badly busted open and her blood was trickling down her beautiful features.
In the ring Jen cruelly pulled Julia to her knees by her stretched nipples until she knelt before her then dished out a series of hard, stinging bitch slaps in the middle of the ring. However, Jennifer was becoming increasingly aware that the referee was not paying attention to what she was doing, instead he was watching Megan stalk off and grab a folding metal chair and move back towards where Sandra lay propped against the post. Sensing what she was about to do (blast the unprotect back of Sandra’s skull with the chair) the referee stepped through the ropes and grabbed the chair as it was swung and just managed to prevent it swinging towards it’s intended target!
As he jostled and pulled at the chair and eventually dragged it from Megan’s grip he was paying no attention to what was going on in the ring. Jennifer stepped away to remonstrate with the referee (and try to get Megan under control) but as she stepped over to the ropes Julia crawled behind her and hit a massive uppercut between her legs then immediately rolled Jen over into a pin. The referee came back into the ring with the chair and seeing the pin dropped and counted and to the shock of the entire arena he counted to three!
The winners in just 1:39 and still World Tag Team Champions are JULIA ROBERTS and SANDRA BULLOCK. Julia rolls out of the ring, supports a dazed Sandra and they hurry up the ramp out of Dodge as Jennifer Aniston gets up and gets in the referee’s face and points her finger at him and accuses him of fast counting. While that is happening Megan Fox stands with a maniac look on her face and gets into the ring behind Jen and the ref, she picks up the chair the referee had and stares at it intently then (much to the crowds joy) she swings it and smashes it on the back of her partner’s skull! Jen drops like a stone, completely out as Megan runs forward and rams the chair into the referee and shoves him out of the ring. Megan throws the chair flat on the mat then picks up an unmoving Jennifer Aniston, muscles her up and into a Tombstone piledriver position then hits a jumping one right on top of the flat of the chair! It is a sickening connection that is going to be replayed for months but Megan isn’t done with her partner yet, she picks her up again and hits another crippling piledriver.
There was a hush over the crowd at the viciousness of this assault. Don’t mistake it as concern for Jennifer Aniston, no, she remained one of the Federation’s most hated heels but even so this was beyond the pale and it did not look like Megan was finished yet as she pulled her lifeless body up once more and manoeuvred once more into a Tombstone position and sank hard to her knees, compressing Jen’s neck onto the steel chair once again. A gaggle of referees and EMT’s ran to the ring before Megan could dish out more punishment (and it looked like she wanted to). And they worked on Jennifer, checking her, stabilising her back and neck and carefully loading her onto a backboard and from there onto a stretcher. They carefully pushed the prone superstar up the ramp but halfway there Megan ran back and scattered the EMT’s then grabbed the gurney, leaned over and spat on Jen then rolled her off the side of the ramp to crash hard on the floor below!
It is quite the scene of carnage and in some ways the viewer is glad when it fades off the screen and heads backstage.
*
Backstage, Cara Delavigne has got Brie Larson with her for an interview.
“Brie, you have made quite the start to your Federation career, unbeaten and looking, if I may say so, very impressive in the process. But what we want to know, that is me and the fans, is what next for you? Are you targeting a championship? Maybe a tag team? What?”
Brie smiles and takes the mic.
“I don’t know if I deserve a title shot yet Cara, we’ll just have to see. What I want to do is prove myself in singles competition against strong opposition,. I want…”
Brie breaks off as Gal Gadot walks right up to her, goes nose to nose and says.
“Am I ‘strong’ enough competition, Brie?”
Brie smiles playfully back at the challenge and says “Yes” and Gal steps back and profers her hand to be shaken and says.
“OK, Captain Marvel, next month, you and me.”
“Fine Wonder Woman.”
And just like that we have a big match for next months, Summer Slut Slam PPV.
*
Elsewhere backstage Megan Fox is being scolded by Kate Middleton (backed up by her entire entourage) for her actions earlier. Miss Fox does not seem to care, goes “yeah, whatever” and walks off much to the Duchess’s annoyance. The camera follows Megan as she strolls away and enters her dressing room, however, no sooner has she entered than she slips on a deliberately greased up tiled floor and she takes a hard fall on her back. Immediately a figure leaps on her and starts to lay in a flurry of punches and as Megan tries to rise a second figure steps forward and punts her hard between her thighs. By now we can see that Megan’s assailants are Alicia Vikander and Angelina Jolie and with her temporarily subdued they roll her over and tie her wrists behind her back then the pair of them stand over her and kick the living hell out of her, stamping and kicking the brunette all over her body. Given Megan’s recent actions there is not a lot of sympathy for her plight. Angelina takes her walking cane (a constant reminder of her split with Fox years ago) and swings it like an axe and brings it right down on the top of Megan’s skull. Megan is out cold and the camera fades to black as her two assailants drag her away…
*
Back to the ring and Kaley Cuoco is introduced to a warm reception from the crowd. It has not been a good few weeks for the leggy blonde. Just in the past few months, she has narrowly missed out on winning the inaugural Royal Rumble, lost a match to get that Bitchmania main event shot to Selena Gomez that saw her best friend turn heel on her and not only cost her the match but her hair too and just last month said ‘friend’ Melissa Rauch attacked her before their scheduled match and literally raped Kaley with a baseball bat live on PPV. Not even the sight of her long time nemesis Jennifer Aniston being wheeled from the arena, motionless on a gurney could bring a smile to Kaley’s face as they passed on the ramp.
Kaley typically, looks stunning in a backless, white, one piece swimsuit. She does however, look a little distracted and really, who could blame her after that past couple of shows where she has been blindsided by the sneak attacks of her former partner. But Kaley makes it to the ring without incident and stands awaiting her opponent. Melissa emerges to her music in what is becoming her trademark attire. Black boots, black swimsuit, black collar and a black leather jacket. The diminutive blonde has an evil smirk on her face as she sees her foe and strolls down the ramp to the ring in confident fashion.
Kaley holds her ground and glares as Melissa rolls into the ring and springs up as the ref separates them and goes over the rules. In her distinctive loud, screeching voice Melissa shouts.
“How’s the cooch Kaley, had any baseball bats up there lately? Ha! Ha!”
Of course she is referring to her own brutal assault on Kaley from last month and we can see the taller woman visibly flinch at the reminder but she tries to keep her game face and literally as the referee steps back she swings and hit a massive slap right to Melissa’s face!
The stinging blow nearly spun the diminutive blonde right around and allowed Kaley to grab her arm, whip her into the ropes then leap up and hit a picture perfect drop kick right into Melissa’s face. A cover swiftly followed and Melissa just kicked out before an embarrassingly quick pinfall. Kaley was well on top and flung her opponent to the ropes and then caught her with a lightening quick belly-to-belly suplex upon her return that got another two count. Melissa’s jacket had come off by now but her collar was still on and Kaley pulled her by it, choking her in the process before whipping her into the corner and following up with a high kick that she then, using her long legs, held right on Melissa’s face to put intense pressure on her neck. Melissa groaned in agony but the referee counted to five as they were on the ropes and as they got to four Kaley had to release the hold, as she did, ever the opportunist Melissa dropped to her knees but managed to stab her fist, with thumb extended upward, right into Kaley’s exposed crotch!
If there were any doubts if Kaley had fully recovered by that brutal baseball bat invasion from last month then they were instantly proved as Kaley went stock still, her mouth went in an agonised O shape and she fell over in slow motion trying to cover her pussy. It was all Melissa Rauch needed to see, she pulled Kaley’s ankles wide apart and jumped up to drop a knee right into Kaley’s cunt. Kaley cried out and beat the mat in agony and tried to crawl away but Melissa caught the bottom of the backless swimsuit and pulled her back, ripping the garment as she did so and allowing her to literally rip it off Kaley’s body. Melissa used it to choke Kaley right up to the count of five until the referee forced a break. Then Melissa positioned her mouth right next to Kaley’s left ear and screamed at the top of her high pitched voice into her ear, making Kaley shudder and try to cover her ear. As she did so Melissa pulled her up and repeated the vile act in Kaley’s right ear. Kaley instinctively covered both ears as she knelt on the mat, this allowed Melissa to step behind her and launch a vicious punt right between her legs. The toe of her boot connected perfectly and Kaley toppled forward not knowing whether to cover her ears or her pussy.
From there Melissa repeated her cunt punt attack several times before kicking Kaley over onto her back and dragging her by her legs to a corner, Melissa rolled under the bottom rope and pulled Kaley nearer. Everyone could see thatshe planned to pull her hard against the steel corner pole. Through tears Kaley saw too what was about to happen and just as Melissa pulled on her legs to get some momentum, Kaley kicked out and sent the smaller blonde sprawling away to crash hard into the metal crowd barrier and gain Kaley some much needed rest. Eventually Kaley rolled out under the bottom rope too just in time for Melissa to be up and charging at her, Kaley caught her and spun around and planted her in the concrete floor with a solid powerslam. Kaley was getting her wind back now and she pulled her foe to her feet, wrapped her arm over her shoulder and hoisted her up into a suplex position but held her, staggered to her side a bit then dropped Melissa back down straddling right on top of the metal barrier.
“See how you like that treatment bitch” Kaley screamed in triumph at reversing the pussy punishment as Melissa sat awkwardly atop the barrier. Even more awkwardly as Kaley grabbed the barrier and bounced it up and down so that Melissa bounced likewise and eventually tumbled off into the crowd.
The crowd were getting back into the fight now and roared the fan favourite on as she took a big handful of Melissa’s hair and pulled her up and dragged her over the barrier then threw her back into the ring. Kaley was stepping between the ropes to follow her when Melissa reached out and pulled up the ropes right into her injured crotch again. Kaley staggered into the ring and was hit with yet another low blow from a kneeling Melissa that took her down. As the referee checked on Kaley, Melissa undid her studded, black collar from around her neck and wound it, studs outward, around her right fist. She crawled over, pushed the referee out of the way and then pulled Kaley’s thighs wide and hammered a punch right into her pussy, then another and another then ground her fist in and forced it right inside Kaley’s hole!
Melissa’s face was a picture of intense, maniacal determination as she pounded and twisted her fist. Kaley meantime wore an expression of stunned horror and pain at this brutal invasion and as Melissa continued her attack eventually Kaley cried out and slapped the canvas in desperation.
The referee signalled for the bell to ring, accepting Kaley’s submission.
The winner in 6:01 by submission is MELLISSA RAUCH. She however, continues to viciously fist her opponent until Kaley’s eyes roll up and she passes out from the pain. Not that that stops Melissa’s attack, instead she roughly pulls her fist out and we can see it has blood over it. Melissa smiles and stares at the blood then uses her other hand to pull Kaley’s head up and then lays in a series of stud assisted punches that quickly busts Kaley’s head and face open too and when the referee eventually pulls Melissa away Kaley is left splayed in centre ring, bleeding heavily and totally unconscious.
*
Backstage Krysten Ritter is with a visible agitated Scarlett Johansson.
“Scarlett, later tonight you are taking place in the first ever ‘Hunger games’ match, can you…”
“Let me stop you right there. What gives that stuck up bitch Lawrence the right to get ‘her’ match? I mean why? I don’t even know what the match entails. It’s nonsense and I’d walk out right here and now if I wasn’t contracted. However, I have spoken with The Duchess and have her agreement to face J-Law in a match next month in a match of my choosing, so here’s an exclusive – next month will see the first ever Black Widow match!”
*
From there we are transported into the bowels of the building. Deep in an engineering room lined with pipes and fittings and standing in the middle of the bare room is a naked Megan Fox, her arms are stretched to the side and tied to pipes on opposite walls and the same is the case at her ankles. Her head is hanging down and is covered by her long dark hair. The camera pans back to reveal Alicia and Angelina on either side of Megan and Angelina slaps her awake. When Megan comes too she struggles violently but makes no headway and she curses and swears at her captors.
“You dumb bitches! You’ll fucking pay for this! You’ll fucking pay for this cripple!”
This last comment stung Angelina (who had been injured at her former partner’s hands years earlier) and she lashed out and slapped Megan hard across the cheek before regaining her composure.
“You’ve done it this time Megan, there is no one to come to your rescue after you sent Jennifer to the hospital. You really should stop turning on your partners so easily, you never know when you might need them.”
With that Angelina raised the walking cane she used and cracked it hard on Megan’s face. Simultaneously behind them Alicia start to wield a heavy leather belt and began lashing Megan’s back and ass with it. Megan shook her hair from her face and we saw she was busted open on her forehead but she had an angry, snarling look and she spat at Angelina.
“You’re an animal Megan, a wild animal and you need to be taught a lesson.”
We leave that scene as Angelina and Alicia take some measure of revenge on Megan Fox and head back to the arena.
*
Next up in the ring is a three way tag team match with a shot at the tag title up for grabs. First to the ring are a new team, Lily Collins and Lily James. These two Englishwomen are distinct babyfaces and smile and joke as the walk down the ramp and wave to the fans that give them a polite reception. The brunette and blonde combo are wearing matching bright white bikini’s and seem delighted to be here. They probably should not be, as the two teams they will battle against are battle hardened veterans of the ring and as mean and tough as they come.
First out are Rihanna and Rita Ora, wearing black mesh outfits over black two piece bikinis. They are not popular at all, especially given their ongoing feud with Beyoncé which they have had the upper hand in so far. They get in the ring and talk some trash at the Lily’s as the final team makes their entrance – Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea. J-Lo is wearing a sleek, silver one piece swimsuit while Iggy is in a revealing yellow string bikini. They came up short recently with a title challenge but must feel they have a better chance now that the Fox/Aniston team is not in the picture.
With all six women in the ring the two heel teams share a look then rush the two Lily’s. Rihanna and Rita attack Lily James and club her to the mat then pull pull her up, beat her up some more, fling her to the ropes then Rihanna meets her on the way back, boosts her up and Rita hits an RKO just as she descends. They then kick the motionless blonde out beneath the ropes to crash to the floor. On the other side Jen and Iggy are doing similar to Lily Collins, beating her up, then Iggy sits on the corner turnbuckle and Jennifer lifts Lily up , Iggy grabs her as for a powerbomb but turns to face the floor and leaps off with the powerbomb, dropping Lily Collins right across where the prone Lily James lies. It is a hell of a landing and both English actresses are out of it.
This leaves J-Lo standing looking down at the carnage and easy prey as Rihanna and Rita grab her ponytail, pull her back into the centre of the ring and hit a simultaneous legsweep / clothesline combo that lays Jen out and requires Iggy to scramble in to break up Rita’s subsequent pinfall attempt. Things then fall into a somewhat standard tag team match from this point with both the Lily’s being laid out at ringside. The referee got Rita and Iggy into opposite corners and we were treated to a Jenifer Lopez versus Rihanna dream match up. Rihanna was on top and treated her older opponent to some ground and pound, straddling her chest and firing in punches. Ri-Ri propelled J-Lo into the ropes and met her with a boot to her gut then hit the other ropes and nailed her with a high, jumping axe kick to the back of Jen’s neck that sent her sprawling on the mat. Rihanna clearly decided from this point to target her opponent’s neck and lifted J-Lo up, slowly turned her around so they were back to back then dropped her with a neckbreaker and covered her for a two count. She lifted Jennifer again and this time hit a Russian leg sweep that again gained her a two count. From there she squatted on Jennifer’s back and put her hands under her chin and pulled back, again bending the Latino superstar’s neck uncomfortably. After a few moments like that Rita Ora tagged in and bounced off the ropes and nailed Jennifer in the face with a low dropkick. Rihanna had to leave the ring but did so with a stamp to J-Lo’s neck on her way. Rita placed her knee on Jennifer’s neck and pulled on her hair then pulled her up, stuffed Jen’s head between her thighs and attempted to lift her up for a piledriver. There was a lengthy back and forth struggle and Rita tried multiple times to get her opponent up and Jen shifted her wright and would not go up and eventually Jen won out and ended up backdropping Rita up and over her head to crash to the canvas. Jen dropped to her knees and crawled over to tag in her partner.
Iggy hopped the ropes and charged in to trade blows with Rita. The crowd cheered them on, realising they were former partners and loving them beating on each other wildly in the ring. Iggy slowly got the better of the exchange and backed Rita into a neutral corner and laid in a bevy of chops that had Rita wincing. Iggy then climbed the ropes in the corner and measured a series of punches to Rita’s head that the crowd counted along with. When Iggy finally stopped Rita was reeling and she got whipped to the opposite side of the ring where Jennifer Lopez was thrusting her big ass through the ropes and Rita’s face slammed right into it. J-Lo demanded the tag and entered the ring with anger in her eyes. She slammed Rita a couple of times then dropped an elbow on her then, with Rita stunned J-Lo leapt up and dropped the full weight of her ass right on Rita’s face. In an instant she turned that into a full on ass smother and may well have been able to take the win were it not for Rihanna running in to kick J-Lo off her partner’s face.
As this was happening both the Lily’s had recovered enough to pull themselves up to the apron unsteadily. Having remonstrated as the referee ushered Rihanna back to her corner Jennifer saw the Englishwomen and charged at them and hit them with a double clothesline that sent them flying face first off the apron crashing onto the announcers desks below, effectively knocking them out of the match again. Jen watched their hard landings but then suddenly found herself rolled up from behind with a schoolgirl pin from Rita that she only just kicked out of in time.
Things were happening fast now and suddenly a figure jumped the crowd barrier and pulled Rihanna’s ankle causing her to take a spill to the floor, hitting the apron on the way down. Her assailant? Beyoncé Knowles in a hoodie. The crowd went wild as Beyoncé grabbed Rihanna and whipped her into the metal ring steps hard, sending them flying. In the ring this time it was Rita that was distracted and J-Lo scrambled over to tag in Iggy who speared Rita as she turned around, drilling her to the mat. She then whipped Rita into the corner and stomped her until she slumped onto her ass in the corner, a quick tag to Jennifer Lopez later and there was the mother of all stinkface’s as J-Lo engulfed Rita Ora’s face in her ass and gyrated there. After that it was child play to pull a groggy Rita away from the corner then sit fully on her face and smother her in the middle of the ring.
As the referee lifted and dropped Rita’s arm Iggy made sure neither of the Lily’s would interfere by dropping down to kick them while on the other side of the ring Beyoncé was busy smashing Rihanna’s face into the metal post. Seconds later there was no reaction as Rita’s arm dropped a third time.
The winners in 7:08 are JENNIFER LOPEZ and IGGY AZALEA and they will get the World Tag Title shot at next month’s PPV. As they celebrate in the ring, Beyoncé heads back into the crowd to receive their acclaim.
*
We head to an outside broadcast where we find Kristen Bell outside a local hospital reporting that Jennifer Aniston was admitted minutes earlier and that there is no word on her condition. Kirsten does add that she has not seen Jen move at all since Megan’s brutal attack on her partner.
*
Backstage and Cara Delavigne is with Taylor Swift ahead of the latter’s title re-match later tonight.
“Taylor, first time in almost a year you do not have the World Title with you. How does that feel?”
“Believe me Cara I will have it back with me later tonight. And you shouldn’t be asking how that feels, you should be asking poor little Selena how she feels after I destroyed her last month.”
“But she did beat you and…”
“Yes, but who walked away from the ring and who crawled away little a little bitch? You know it. I know it. She knows it. There will be no repeat of that fluke result tonight.”
“You’d better hope not, what do you make of the stipulation for the loser that Kate Middleton announced earlier tonight. That the loser would be fucked by a machine afterwards.”
“I’m not worried because it won’t be me. I mean I’m not a loser, now Selena, she is and if I were her I’d be real concerned.”
*
Hard, aggressive, pounding Gangsta rap fills the arena and after a few moments of that Nicki Minaj emerges at the top of the ramp. She is wearing an army camouflage bra and shorts and has a reflective visor covering her eyes. She gets quite the negative reception after the brutal way she turned on Ariana last month. Nicki doesn’t care and struts to the ring without acknowledging the crowd whatsoever. The crowd come alive moments later as Ariana Grande emerges to one of her interminable pop tunes,the slim, sexy 26 year old is in a tiny pink bikini and wearing her coquettish little kitten ears and akes the time to slap as many hands in the crowd as she descends the steps. She never takes her eyes off the ring though, not trusting Nicki at all. Once she is in the ring a third tune hits and out comes our surprise, special guest referee… Cardi B! This immediately enrages Nicki and she starts shouting and screaming and kicking the ropes in protest. Nicki and Cardi have had quite the public feud over the past couple of years, including name calling and even getting physical with each other, so it’s easy to see why Nicki is so angry.
26 year old Cardi is in a sexy referee’s outfit with a striped shirt tied at her waist and skimpy black shorts. As soon as she is in the ring Nicki is right in her face, even as the ring announcer is reminding the crowd of the other stipulation Kate Middleton made for the match, whereby the loser had to be the ’bitch’ for the loser and would fulfil all sorts of humiliating dog related scenario’s after. That all gets rather lost as Cardi shoves Nicki off her and Ariana takes her chance to roll up Nicki and gets a (fairly counted) two count. Nicki is still not happy and pulls off her visor and throws it at Cardi but that again allows Ariana to get an attack in as she launches into a series of lightning quick kicks to Nicki’s thigh and side and finishing off with a spinning roundhouse that connects with her face and sends the older woman spilling from the ring through the ropes. Ariana runs the other way, bounces off the ropes and is clearly intent on some kind of dive out of the ring but Cardi is in her way upon her return and Ari has to sink the brakes on. In the confusion, Nicki reached under the bottom ropes and pulled Ariana, bringing her crashing down on her face before dragging her outside the ring.
Cardi stayed in the ring and admonished them and started a slow count as Nicki took a handful of Ariana’s hair and went to ram her face into the ringpost. But Ariana got her foot up in time to block it and instead grabbed Nicki’s head and slammed it into the post instead. Cardi continued her count so Ariana rolled back in to break it, this allowed Nicki to stagger away, looking like she was heading towards the ramp. Seeing this Ariana hit the ropes, ran and sprung up to land on the top rope and flew up and out to nail Nicki with a huge flying bodypress! The fans went wild for such an extreme move and she got up, acknowledged their support and picked up and threw Nicki back into the ring before ascending the turnbuckles to hit an elbow and get a two count before Cardi stopped as Nicki’s leg was under the bottom rope. Ariana pulled it in and covered again but Nicki kicked out. Ariana got up and climbed the corner turnbuckle again but as Cardi leaned over to check on Nicki, they exchanged words and Nicki pushed Cardi off and she flew backwards to hit the ropes just as Ariana was standing up. That knocked her off balance and she lost her footing and dropped hard on her crotch on the corner ring bolt. The crowd gave a collective gasp in sympathy as Ariana straddled the bolt with her mouth wide open. Nicki forced herself up and hooked Ariana and powered her up and over with a massive superplex that slammed Ariana into the mat back first. Seeking to hammer home her advantage Nicki got up and climbed the turnbuckle herself before jumping off with a huge splash from the top rope that literally engulfed Ariana’s prone body as she landed. A cover followed before the younger woman weakly kicked out.
Ariana was in trouble now and Nicki knew it, she grinned as she literally ripped the bikini off Ariana’s body, stripping her totally naked in the ring. Cardi made no move to prevent this, she clearly knew what the Federation liked. Nicki then viciously whipped Ariana into the corner back first then built up a head of steam and ran and splashed her in the corner. In that position with Nicki standing on the bottom rope, she pulled forward her camouflage bra top (it was super elasticated for this) and shoved Ariana’s head inside it, pressing her face right into Nicki’s big, black tits!
Despite being right behind Ariana Grande as the babyface in this contest the crowd still cheered at that favourite manoeuvre, the breast smother. Ariana took a few moments of being humiliated like that before struggling like hell to get free, but of course the back of Nicki’s bra held her in place. In her struggles though Ariana’s head jerked up and cracked Nicki’s chin and as Nicki backed away the material of her bra stretched even further and finally snapped , meaning her boobs and Ariana’s head bounced free. As Ariana hung in the corner breathing hard Nicki charged in again going for a big splash but at the last minute she slid out of the way and Nicki landed hard on nothing but the turnbuckle. Ariana quickly rolled her up for a pin but Cardi was slow to realise and when she did start counting Nicki kicked out. Ariana glowered at Cardi for that but had no time to dwell on it, rather as Nicki got to her knees she started in again with a flurry of her kicks, finishing with a kick that sent her into the ropes. Nicki’s arms wrapped over and Ariana wound them around the middle ones too to trap her foe there. As Nicki struggled to get free Ariana took the chance to level things up clothing wise and peel off Nicki’s shorts to mean both women were naked now. She then gave Nicki a contemptuous slap before running to the far ropes bouncing off them and returning to leap up and go for a high dropkick. As she went up though Cardi B’s hand shot out and grabbed Ariana’s long ponytail and jerked it which saw her crash back hard to the mat. Cardi then unwound Nicki from the ropes and made sure to stand on Ariana’s ponytail so that she could not move her head as Nicki squatted over her and lowered her fat ass right down on top of Ariana Grande’s horrified face.
The fans were initially shocked at Cardi’s behaviour then angry and they booed hard as she continued to stand on Ariana’s ponytail. Ariana’s arms and legs flailed desperately to begin with but in less than 30 seconds they faded and soon fell limp and unmoving. Nicki remained where she was surely having ass smothered Ariana into unconsciousness. Cardi made no move to try and break the hold and it was nearly a full minute after Ariana had gone limp before Nicki finally raised herself up, placed her foot on Ariana’s face and Cardi dropped to count.
ONE.TWO.THREE.
The winner in 9:52 is NICKI MINAJ and as a consequence Ariana must spend the next 30 days as Nicki’s bitch. Nicki and Cardi share a hug, their feud clearly manufactured before Nicki produces a bag from which she unveiled a hug butt plug with a dog tail on the other side and they ram it into Ariana’s asshole. They then fix a muzzle on Ariana’s face and mouth and snap a choke collar and lead around her throat and take great pleasure in forcing a barely conscious Ariana Grande to crawl behind them up the ramp to her fate..
We’ll catch up with them next time.
And speaking about catching up with losers forfeits and stipulations we are now treated to a video package detailing the exploits of Kim Kardashian in her 1 month stay at the state penitentiary.
The busty brunette has not had a good month. Her brutal cell block loss to Gal Gadot last month saw her spend the first of her nights in incarceration in the prison infirmary. From there we see a selection of grainy, security camera style footage clips featuring Kim. We see her first time entering her cell with the door slammed on her. We see another inmate tipping their lunchtime soup all over her head in the mess hall. Most salaciously of all we see Kim taking a shower and being approached by several other female inmates and being used and abused under the water. Finally we get a clip of her emerging from the prison after her 30 days were up, looking beaten and bedraggled in her orange jump suit and being collected from the prison gates by her sisters.
*
Backstage Krysten Ritter has the World Heavyweight Champion, Selena Gomez with her for an interview. Selena has a deadly serious look on her face, although she is hardly favoured by the fans she is definitely preferable to the crowd ahead of Taylor Swift in popularity.
“Selena, last month, biggest night of your career. You win the World Title and right after your supposed friend turns bad loser and effectively rapes you on live PPV, what are your thoughts at this time, just minutes away from Taylor’s contracted re-match?”
“It really burns Taylor up that I have this (indicating the title belt) and that is how I will repay her for what she did when I beat her last month.”
“Well yeah, that an having to spend the night in the dildo fucking torture machine our illustrious owner has introduced to the match stipulations. I guess it was would be poetic justice if finally Taylor ended up on the wrong end of a hard fucking after a match, wouldn’t it?”
Selena stares at Krysten then breaks into a smile.
“Yeah that would be so fucking tragic. I am going to love seeing her trapped in that machine and when she is and getting the treatment she so loves dishing out I am going to hold MY World title belt up in her face so she can see it up close for the very last time!”
*
So what exactly is a Hunger games match? It is a question that has been asked a number of times since this particular showdown between bitter rivals Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson was announced for tonight but it is only now that a graphic with specific bullet points appears on screen to explain.
Normal ring ropes have been replaced by taut strands of razor sharp barbed wire.
Above one corner on a pole is a golden cornucopia which, when broken holds several items that can be used in the fight.
A small metal trough has been affixed around the ring at mat height and each side holds a lengthy burner that will ignite in flames after 5 minutes of the match.
The ring has been set up since the last match and the final act of hanging the golden cornucopia from a pole extending from a turnbuckle is being completed as music hits and out strides Scarlett. She is booed vociferously as she is seen as the ultimate turncoat for her campaign against her supposed friend and the brutal way she turned on her, included throwing J-Law into boiling water. Scarlett could care less about her reception but is clearly wary of the ring and takes her time inspecting the ropes and where the flames will come from before carefully rolling into the ring where an equally nervous referee awaits. Scarlett is wearing one of her trademark black, leather catsuits with a zip in front. It’s certainly a sensible outfit given the dangerous nature of this match.
Jennifer Lawrence emerges next and gets her usual standing ovation. She too has opted for a leather catsuit, this one in bright red. She also inspects the ring as she walks around it but when she tried to get in Scarlett won’t let her, kicking at her as she tries to roll under the ropes. The ref admonishes Scarlett then indicates for J-Law to enter but as he has his back turned Scarlett races away to the turnbuckle with the cornucopia hanging from it and starts to shimmy up it!
Jennifer see that and runs carefully around the outside of the apron and just manages to grab Scarlett’s ankle as she is reaching up for the goodies. She tugs her down and slugs her with a punch that knocks her into the ring. J-Law then climbs up and over the turnbuckle into the ring and the bell sounds to officially get this underway (an electronic countdown timer shows on screen).
Jennifer just unloads months of anger and frustration in her initial assault as she jumps on and straddles Scarlett and starts pounding away with punches. For her part Scarlett just covers up and allows her arms to absorb most of the blows but takes a few shots to the head too. After a while the younger actress slows up and Scarlett manages to buck and roll Jennifer off her and scrambles away. But not to safety as she tried to get under the ropes her hair got tangled in the lowest strand of barbed wire and drew her up short. Smiling Jennifer grabbed her ankles and pulled her back into the middle of the ring while a couple of chunks of Scarlett’s hair stayed in the wire, forcibly pulled from her scalp. Without waiting, and keeping hold of Scarlett’s legs Jennifer fell backwards to see-saw her opponent up and over her to propel her front right onto the wire ropes. The catsuit mostly protected her but Scarlett did get a couple of nasty scratches on her chin from the move, and as she looked down she could see the burners glowing orange in preparation of lighting up soon right below her face. Having lost track of the countdown (there was 3:45 left) she scrambled desperately off the wire. As she pulled herself free she turned and walked straight into a roundhouse kick right to her face that sent Scarlett down to the mat. J-Law was clearly out for blood and that was ably demonstrated as she grabbed the sliver ring that was Scarlett’s zip on her top and yanked it down and pulled out her rivals big breasts then pulled her up and went to whip her into the opposite ropes front first. Scarlett managed to reverse the move at the last possible moment and instead whipped Jennifer back first into the ropes. With her outfit stuck in several places in the barbed wire J-Law struggled to free herself but couldn’t before Scarlett ran over and kicked her hard in the gut. She then pulled Jennifer out of the wire, tearing up some of her catsuit in the process and pulled down Jennifer’s front zip and pulled the outfit’s top down over her arms before getting behind her and pushing her with some force right into the opposing ropes of barbed wire. Jen howled as her skin was pierced and torn and Scarlett leaned on her from behind to dig the barbs in harder before pulling her along the length of the wire, cruelly tearing J-Law up even more. The counter was show two minute remaining now.
Jennifer is in some distress now, her boobs are bleeding badly and she doesn’t even cover up as Scarlett starts slapping her really hard about the face until she drops to her knees and Scarlett gets behind her again and starts to forces Jennifer’s face into the unforgiving wire. It makes quite the image for TV as a camera zooms in on Jennifer’s distraught face as it is pressed down and down onto the wire, she opens her mouth to cry out just as Scarlett presses hard and then the barbed wire is stuck in Jennifer’s lips. Scarlett eventually relents but only to move back to get a run up and jump on Jennifer’s back forcing her further onto the wire. Scarlett actually stands on Jennifer’s back and puts all of her weight into pushing her opponent’s face deeper onto the wire. It’s also worth noting that there is now less than a minute on the countdown timer and J-Law’s face is actually directly over one of the flame troughs. Scarlett has realised this too and is clearly determined to hold her foe in place until the timer runs down. With the crowd counting down from ten J-Law finds some strength from somewhere and tears her mouth off the barbed wire and pushes back just in time as the counter hits zero and sheets of flame spurt up from the troughs surrounding the ring. This most deadly of encounters has just gotten deadlier!
Jennifer Lawrence is a mess, her face is bleeding, her chest is bleeding and she offers little resistance as Scarlett strips off the rest of her cat suit. Being naked in this type of match is not good at all. Scarlett stamps on her then drops a knee to her gut then starts to drag her across the canvas. She picks her up and dumps her belly first across the top rope and leans over to try and force Jen’s face towards the flames. Desperately Jen reaches back and manages to rake her nails across Scarlett’s face before she is forced into the fire. Scarlett releases Jennifer and they both reel away to separate sides of the ring. Scarlett recovers first and charges angrily at her opponent, that allows Jen to catch her, lift her up and drop her with a hotshot, right onto the top rope. Jennifer gets up quick as she can as Scarlett balances precariously and grabs her and tried to force her further over the ropes and into the flames. She nearly does it, indeed a bit of Scarlett’s hair dangles to the flame and gets singed before she struggles desperately and wriggles off the wire. As her feet hit the canvas though Jennifer hooks her head and drops rapidly to spike her with a DDT into the canvas. She doesn’t bother with a cover though, instead she roughly pulls off Scarlett’s catsuit and eventually leaves her as nude as Jennifer is.
Both combatants are battered, bloodied and bruised but neither are giving in though J-Law has the advantage right now and drives it home by Irish whipping Scarlett into the corner where the pole is then following up with a leaping splash to flatten Scarlett against the turnbuckle. Jennifer climbs on the turnbuckle above her foe and instead of standing there and beating on Scarlett she keeps on climbing and pulls herself up the pole like a practised pole dancer. Holding on with her legs and one arm (whilst over the flames) she grabs the cornucopia and manages to pull it off the hook that it was hanging by. However, as she holds it aloft Scarlett recovers enough to push Jennifer’s ankles apart and she drops rapidly and hits hard on the metal bolt between turnbuckle and ringpost. Her feet swing out and she screams as they waft through the flames before falling back into the ring. Scarlett stops her and pulls her down, upside down and tied in the tree of woe in the turnbuckle.
Jen had dropped the cornucopia and with her now somewhat incapacitated Scarlett moved over to where it had dropped, picked it up and swung it like a club into her opponent’s stomach, she bashed it like that three times before lowering her aim and smacking it right in J-Law’s face. That broke the plastic and Scarlett could then tip it over and empty out the goodies hidden within. Out fell: brass knuckles x 2, a bike chain, a long chain handcuff, a can of mace, a bottle of water, three pool balls and a rolls of coins. Scarlett gave a wicked smile as she saw these potential weapons and made sure Jennifer’s foot was still stuck in the turnbuckle. She lifted the bottle and took a long drink of water then emptied the rest over Jennifer’s body. She then took the three pool balls and one after the other stuffed them inside Jennifer’s exposed pussy! Jennifer squirmed and wriggled but still hung there helpless as Scarlett donned the two sets of brass knuckles over her fists then started to pound on J-Law’s stuffed full pussy. That got Jen screaming and writhing and eventually she fell free and landed on her face. On her face on the mat she was perfectly positioned for Scarlett to kick her right between the thighs from behind. Jennifer howled and the pool balls spilled one by one from inside her. Scarlett was in complete control know and measured some brass knuckles assisted punches to Jennifer’s sides before dragging her up by the hair and pushing her back against the wire ropes and nailing her with a flurry of those punches into her gut. Jennifer was slumped against the ropes, the flames were close behind her head and Scarlett reached for the handcuffs behind her. But while Jennifer had been flat on her face on the canvas she had managed to be lying on top of the can of mace and managed to hold it in her curled right hand while she was taking a beating. As Scarlett turned with the handcuff to attach it to Jen’s wrist the younger blonde saw her moment and lifted her arm and sprayed the aerosol right into Scarlett’s unsuspecting features!
The impact was immediate as Miss Johansson dropped the cuffs and clawed at her face and tried to cover up and cried out in agony. Jennifer was in obvious agony but she pulled herself off the barbs, and staggered forward to pick up the bike chain and wrap it tightly around her right fist before delivering a vicious uppercut that literally lifted Scarlett off her feet when it connected with the older woman’s jaw. Scarlett flew back to be impaled on the wire and Jen followed up with another big chain assisted punch in her gut before unravelling the chain, wrapping it around Scarlett’s throat then stepping back to deliver a short clothesline that sent Scarlett over the wire, hanging by her neck her feet and legs in the flames. Jennifer held onto the other end and in rapid order Scarlett frantically tapped out on her shoulder. The referee signalled for the bell and Jennifer released her hold and collapsed, exhausted. Scarlett fell through the flames to the ground and lay curled up, burnt and bloodied and EMT’s rushed to ringside.
It is like a warzone at ringside but the winner after 16:52 of crazy, extreme, hardcore action is JENNIFER LAWRENCE. She doesn’t look a winner though, lying in the ring , in fact both combatants are in a pretty bad way and to think they will be doing this again next month this time in Scarlett’s choice of match!
*
After that chaotic ultra-violence it is almost a relief to head backstage whilst J-Law and Scarlett are tended to and the ring is set up again in preparation for the World Title match main event. We are back in the Duchess of Cambridge’s backstage palatial area and she and her entourage have been watching that insane match when in bursts Beyoncé Knowles. Immediately Eva Green and Charlotte Flair are on their feet to intercept her but Kate Middleton just smiles and indicates that they should let her through.
“Mrs Carter, what a surprise, saw you earlier, can we help? To what do I owe the pleasure?”
The fake sincerity is overpowering and Beyoncé cannot keep the look of disdain for the Duchess from her face as she replies.
“You bet your Royal ass you can help! You can help by granting me my match with that bitch Rihanna! I want her in that ring!”
Kate smirked and kept her voice low and slow, almost condescending.
“I could give you that. But you had that last month Bee and you lost. Why should I give you another chance? I tell you what if you get down on your knees and kiss my foot, here and now I will give you that match.”
Beyoncé looked set to explode at that suggestion but clearly did give it a moment’s thought before replying.
“Hell no! I am not doing that. You can go..”
Her tirade stops as Eva, Charlotte, Jenna Coleman, Meghan Markle and Pippa Middleton move in closer, expecting trouble. Kate waves them off and laughs.
“Just joking Beyoncé, just my little jest of course you don’t have to do that. I tell you what you can have your match with Rihanna next month. Your final encounter, the brawl to decide it all. One thing though a big match like that I will decide the stipulations and forfeits, Ok? That fine with you?”
Clearly not entirely trusting the Duchess Beyoncé agrees, what else could she do? But nobody could be in any doubt the smile curling around the Royal’s lips meant she had an idea brewing for next month.
*
Also backstage we catch up with new besties, Nicki Minaj and Cardi B. Clearly having put their IRL feud behind them they are hugging and swapping air kisses as Melissa Joan Hart joins them to interview them. The still bedecked as a canine Ariana Grande is pouting and looking pretty unhappy as she kneels, still on her leash beside them.
“Cardi B! Firstly, welcome to the Federation. Secondly, wow, what just happened tonight? Everyone thought you and Nicki had shade but that did not look like it out there.”
Cardi shares a look with Nicki, they nod then both stick the boots to Melissa, beat her up and literally throw her out of their dressing room like a piece of trash keeping up MJH’s recent record of getting beaten up each month.
“White trash like her don’t deserve no answer” stated Nicki.
“Yeah, us niggas got to stick together against trash like that and wannabees like this.”
With that comment Cardi swatted Ariana’s ass with the leather handle of the leash. They laughed at that and kept up their ugly humour when Nicki produced a tin of dog food, opened it and emptied it into a dog bowl which they placed under Ariana’s head and demanded she eat it. Ariana was almost crying as she shook her head but all that got her was her face pushed into the disgusting brown mush until she cried out and then it got in her mouth anyway. Eventually she started to eat the stuff live on PPV – a massive humiliation for the pop princess. The camera stayed on her as she ate and until she looked up, her perfect face smeared and obliterated with dog food.
*
After that we are treated to a lengthy video package detailing the build up to the main event. We see Taylor Swift and bestie Selena Gomez’s reign of terror and victories over the Federation. We see Selena winning the inaugural Royal Rumble to earn a World Title shot and see clips of a thoughtful Taylor watching her. Then the build to Bitchmania is shown with both treating their match as a sporting contest and even shaking hands at the start of the match. We clips of Selena pulling off the shock win and then of being blindsided and attacked by Taylor, and finally we see the footage of Taylor strapping on her infamous dildos and humiliatingly fucking the new World Champion on what should have been her greatest day.
Back at ringside the technicians have finished changing the ring back to normal ropes and both Jennifer and Scarlett have been helped away for more treatment and there is a buzz in the crowd as they wait for the final match of the evening. That anticipation is only built upon as two guys wheel out a large torture table with the various mechanical dildo’s jutting from it and wheel it down the side of the entrance ramp.
Taylor’s music hits (one of her over produced pop numbers) and the leggy 29 year old appears on the stage and poses for a moment. She looks stunning in a gold, shiny bra top and tiny shorts before strutting down the ramp to the ring. On the way she glances to her left where the table with the fucking machine currently sits and seeing it the normally unflappable Miss Swift clearly pauses before she regains her composure and enters the ring.
As Taylor waits Selena’s music hits (likewise one of her own, mostly awful songs) and the new World Heavyweight Champion emerges. The 27 year old is a whole 5 inches shorter than her opponent but looks great standing on the entrance stage, the massive gold belt wrapped around her waist and wearing a black bikini with red trim. She too can’t help take a glance at the table but then marches towards the ring with a determined look on her face. She clearly wants revenge for what Taylor did to her after the biggest win of her career. The crowd are solidly behind Selena in this one, despite Selena’s heelish action over the past 12 months or so there are few people in the Federation quite as despised as the smug, arrogant, conceited former champion – they are desperate to see her suffer the same fate she has inflicted on so many crowd favourites in the past.
As Selena walks down the ramp Taylor slips out of the ring and goes to meet her, Selena sees her coming and undoes the title belt and drops it just before the two megastars meet and immediately starts pounding each other with a flurry of blows. The ring announcer just has time to remind everyone that this is now a submission only match before the referee rushes past them, signalling for the bell and to try, vainly to get them back in the ring.
The crowd gets louder as it becomes clear that Selena is winning this initial battle, getting two or three punches for every one that Taylor throws by the end before finally staggering the blonde enough to grab her by her hair, run to the side of the ramp and toss her off to slam against the crowd barrier at its side. Selena hopped off the side herself and grabbed Taylor’s hair again and used it to pull her head back before slamming it forward on the top of the metal crowd barrier, she did that four more times, the crowd counting each blow. Taylor ended up reeling away towards the ring and Selena ran behind her, lifted her knee and by doing so propelled Taylor chest first into the edge of the ring apron hard. Selena’s face was set with fierce determination and she marched over, spun Taylor around and launched into a string of vicious, stinging knife edge chops that had the crowd “wooing” along with each connection. She then rolled Taylor into the ring, climbed up to the apron and vaulted over the ropes and landed with her leg right across the challengers neck and covered for a pinfall attempt but the referee shouted to remind her that this was submission only, pinfalls did not count.
A frustrated Selena glowered at the ref and dragged Taylor to the middle of the ring before ascending the nearest turnbuckle and leaping off with a really high frog splash. At the last possible moment Taylor pulled her knees up and the champion landed stomach first on them, driving the air right out of Selena. That took a bit out of Taylor too but she knew enough to force herself on to drive home the advantage she had created. She pulled a still wheezing Selena up to a sitting position by her long, dark hair then sat right behind her and carefully wrapped her long legs around Selena’s midsection and crossed them at the ankles and began to squeeze with all her power. Selena’s eyes shot open as she was brutally constricted and she tried to prise Taylor’s ankles apart, Taylor halted that though by firing in a series of short, sharp rabbit punches to the back of Selena’s skull, forcing her to use her hands to try and cover up there. Quickly, Selena was gasping for breath and in a bit of trouble. But she hadn’t fought all that time to win this title to lose it so quickly so she forced herself to ignore the crushing pain on her midsection and managed to roll over onto her front, Taylor kept her vice like grip in place and now on Selena’s back she hooked her arm around Selena’s head going for a rear naked choke. But Selena was getting up, getting her knees under her she somehow made it to her feet, using the ropes to stay up before reversing at pace into the nearest corner and squashing Taylor between her and the turnbuckle. But Taylor held on. Selena realised this and repeated the move, this time the hold slackened though Taylor held on still, a third time did the trick though and when Selena staggered from the corner Taylor was left behind, holding the ropes. Selena was really toiling to catch her breath and it was Taylor who recovered first and pushed herself up and out of the corner and charged at her opponent as if to nail her with a spear. At the last moment Selena realised the danger and raised her leg and caught Taylor flush on the jaw with her raised knee. Again it would have been a good chance for a pinfall but that was no use. So, instead, Selena grabbed Taylor’s left leg, stood with her legs either side and jumped to the side, bending it a way it was not meant to bend. Taylor immediately screamed out and felt for her leg but Selena kick her hands away, lifted the leg by her ankle and drove her knee hard into the mat, then repeated that three more times. From there she wrapped her leg around Taylor’s spun and fell back, perfectly applying a figure four leg-lock in the middle of the ring. Taylor cried out and beat the mat in pain as the hold increased pressure and Selena moved back and forth to make it worse. The referee got down in Taylor’s face and asked if she quit but the blonde shook her head determinedly.
Give Taylor her due she was gutting it out and she managed to push herself up to a sitting position opposite from Selena and used her longer reach to slap the champ a couple of times. That angered Selena so she strained harder to hurt Taylor’s leg but in the effort she over pushed and that allowed Taylor to roll over and reverse the move before their legs came apart and they rolled away from each other. They got to their feet (Taylor holding the ropes for assistance) and Selena charged, Taylor ducked and flipped her over the top rope but Selena managed to land nimbly on the apron. From out there she saw her chance and hooked her arm around Taylor’s throat with a sleeper. Taylor threw her head back desperately and cracked the back of her skull into Selena’s nose, breaking both it and the hold. Somehow Selena managed to keep one hand holding the top rope to keep her balance but the other immediately went to cover her bleeding nose. Seeing her chance Taylor ran off, hit the opposite ropes and returned with a shoulder charge into Selena that catapulted her off the apron to face plant into the concrete floor. At the last moment she got her arm up to block the impact but that only meant the arm took it instead horribly hyper extending it upon the hard crash landing.
Taylor sat on the middle rope for a moment regaining her composure and a cruel smile passed across her face as she saw the pain on Selena’s face and heard her plaintive cries as she rolled on the floor cradling her left arm. Taylor stepped through the ropes and dropped to the floor and walked over and kicked Selena hard in the ribs. Then she pulled her up by her good arm and whipped her with maximum velocity into the ring steps, her injured arm hitting first and sending the metal stairs flying. Taylor was in full on destruction mode now and she pulled Selena up by her hair and rammed her injured arm into the metal ring post, then wrapped it around the post and pulled and twisted it then punched and kicked it all to a backdrop of cried and howls from the Champion. Taylor was merciless and she lifted Selena’s arm up and slammed it down across the top of the crowd barrier again and again. When she eventually stepped back Selena’s arm was just hanging by her side, pretty much useless. Taylor was relentless she grabbed Selena’s damaged limb and twisted it hard and bent it right up behind Selena’s back, eliciting fresh squeals from the raven haired beauty as she was frog marched, like that, around the ring and over to where the dreaded torture table stood. Taylor forced Selena’s head right up against it and goaded her with what it would be like working over her in just a few short minutes. Then she went to slam Selena’s face off the table. But the Champ had something left, she used her good arm to block that over then viciously threw her elbow back right into Taylor’s throat!
That finally brought Selena’s tortured arm some relief as Taylor forgot all about her opponent and concentrated instead on her inability to breathe. She reeled away, holding her throat and gasped. Ignoring her own pain Selena stumbled over and lashed in a couple of chops with her good arm then threw Taylor back into the ring and when Taylor crawled across the mat and lay across the bottom rope it was perfect for Selena to place her knee in the back of her spine and further choke her on the rope until the referee forced her to get off. She did but on the way she grabbed Taylor’s ankle and dragged her to the middle of the ring and turned her over and stepped between her legs and applied a sharpshooter leg lock before turning and leaning back. After the figure four earlier this might be enough to force a submission from Taylor!
It might have if Selena had full power in her arm, but she didn’t and that meant she couldn’t apply the move well and Taylor used her long legs to kick out of it, in the process kicking Selena’s arm. Selena fell over, landing on her bad arm and Taylor, smelling blood, was up and over her immediately. She grabbed Selena’s left arm and twisted it then leaned back with something akin to Becky Lynch’s ‘disarmer’ manoeuvre. Selena screamed out in agony and for a brief moment looked to her right at where her Title belt sat and then to the left at the torture table was.The crowd noise rose, willing Selena not to give up, to somehow fight on. But as Taylor bent the limb to a horrible angle there was no other option and with tears in her eyes the champion slapped the canvas with her right hand and cried out ”I GIVE! I QUIT! SUBMIT!”
The winner in 13:31 and new World Heavyweight Champion is TAYLOR SWIFT and she starts her second reign by continuing to punish Selena’s injured left arm, cruelly bending it at an unnatural angle until the referee physically pulled her off the beaten ex-champion. Taylor got up and saluted the crowd before turning and delivering one of her trademark hard kicks right into Selena’s unsuspecting, unprotected face. This meant that Selena put up no resistance as Taylor rolled her out of the ring to where the torture table awaited her. Two goons in white lab coats aided Taylor in placing Selena on the table on her knees. Her wrists were then clamped in placed down either side of the table while her ankles were parted to each corner. Then the mechanical dildos were set up. Taylor took great pleasure sliding the three big, black, phallus’s in position. They were on metal arms with pistons and Taylor guided the widest into Selena’s mouth and the other two into first her pussy and lastly her ass. There was no lube. Selena was coming round by now and Taylor took great pleasure in strapping the World Title around her waist and flaunting it at her foe as she stepped forward to hit the large red switch that started the pisons moving in then out, inexorably for the next 12 hours!
The PPV broadcast comes to an end with Taylor Swift wearing the belt and gloating over the fate of her former friend.
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You want the card for SUMMERSLUTSLAM? Well here it is!
In a deciding rubber match TAYLOR SWIFT v SELENA GOMEZ inside Hell in a Cell, with the loser making a hardcore porn gang bang film.
SCARLETT JOHANNSSON v JENNIFER LAWRENCE in a ‘Black Widow’ match
MEGAN FOX v. ALICIA VIKANDER
JULIA ROBERTS & SANDRA BULLOCK v. JENNIFER LOPEZ & IGGY AZALEA for the tag team titles
MAISIE WILLIAMS v. SOPHIE TURNER for the Junior Heavyweight title
BRIE LARSON v. GAL GADOT
KALEY CUOCO v. MELISSA RAUCH in a Last Woman Standing , loser leaves the Federation match
BEYONCÉ v. RIHANNA stipulations to be announced on the night by Kate Middleton
CHARLOTTE FLAIR v. STEPHANIE McMAHON in the next of Stephanie’s ‘challenges’