Royal Rumble
 
 
A lavish opening video plays running down the matches on the card and individually displaying the 30 participants in tonight’s main event, The Royal Rumble, where the winner will receive the World Title shot at Bitchmania. It is a rabid crowd that is at fever pitch of excitement as the two new ringside commentators are introduced and make their way down to ringside. First out is the play-by-play woman, Renee Young from WWE and on colour commentary for her first appearance in the Federation for over a year is Jennifer Love Hewitt. They both get a great reaction as the first match of the evening is introduced. It is the return to the Federation of the UK World Heavyweight Championship, which is currently still held by Holly Willoughby. Since her last stateside title defence blonde, 39 year old Holly has been extremely busy. Not only did she come out on top in a bloody feud with her challenger that day Roxanne Pallet that saw Roxanne retired from the business after losing a retirement match to Holly, but she also traded the belt in a classic babyface series against Michelle Keegan during the Summer and managed to see off the evil old bitch Amanda Holden recently in a brutal feud that culminated with Amanda falling off the roof of a Hell in A Cell cage. Holly also had successful defences against Victoria Beckham, Tess Daly and Lena Headey so she is really in a good place as she emerges on the ramp wearing a tiny white string bikini and her title proudly around waist. The American fans remember Holly from last year and give her quite the reception as the buxom blonde strides to the ring, gets in and awaits her latest challenger.
 
As one of her terrible pop songs hits, out emerges a surly looking Cheryl Cole in a black one piece, swimsuit. The 37 year old brunette is the definition of a marmite fighter as fans seem to either love her or hate her and this crowd of rowdy American’s seem to take instantly against the pouting English singer (probably also due to her shit song that is playing). Getting a smattering of boos and catcalls doesn’t improve Cheryl’s attitude and she even starts bickering with one ringside patron before entering the ring. After the ref gives his instruction and calls for the bell Holly offers to shake hands but a rattled Cheryl just slaps the offer away.

Cheryl has flip flopped in the British fans opinions over the years. Starting as a happy go lucky junior heavyweight she quickly joined the Girls Aloud group and that faction had many memorable matches and feuds as real babyfaces. Slowly but surely Cheryl emerged as the real star of the group and began to branch out on her own, winning matches over both Dannii and Kylie Minogue and eventually winning a vicious,bloody, nasty feud with Lily Allen. But just as she was becoming a major star in the UK a story broke that showed her in a bad light with a drunken racist slur being made. In the eyes of the public this turned her heel and she went with it during a prolonged ugly feud with Nicole Sherzinger. But after an apology and a legendary 60 minute Iron woman match versus Nicole, Cheryl was accepted back as a good girl, just in time to see off sneak attacks from her former partner in Girls Aloud, Nadine Coyle. Cheryl won that feud handily before overcoming Michelle Keegan in a huge televised pub brawl to earn her UK Title shot tonight.
 
The US fans though, don’t really know her and are definitely in Holly’s corner for this bout. They lock  up and immediately Holly’s height and weight advantage is apparent as she muscles her challenger back into a corner then hip tosses her back halfway across the ring. Cheryl scrambles to her knees and shoots the blonde a venomous look. As Holly advances Cheryl launches herself up to ram her shoulder into her gut and double her over and the brunette gets up and delivers a knee lift into Holly’s face that sends her spinning away to a corner. Cheryl backs up into the opposing corner before running across the ring and launching herself for a splash onto Holly, too early though as Holly moves out of the way and the challenger splashes on nothing but unforgiving turnbuckle. Holly stoops to put her head between Cheryl’s thighs and stands up before falling backwards and splatting Cheryl in centre ring from an electric chair manoeuvre. The crowd loved that and cheered even louder as Holly acknowledged them before clambering up to the top turnbuckle and jumping off with a big splash. That hit nothing but canvas as Cheryl rolled out of the way at the last possible moment. She pulled herself up and just as Holly got to her hands and knees ran over and punted her hard in the ribs. The blonde howled and held her side and offered no resistance as her challenger pulled her up to her hands an knees again and this time wrapped her legs around Holly and synched in a tight looking leg scissor.
 
Cheryl has quite the cruel smile on her pretty face as she squeezed her athletic legs as hard as she could and Holly squealed like a pig. Cheryl then busied herself with untying the champions white bikini top and once it was off briefly choked Holly with it before the referee stepped in. Unbothered, Cheryl reaches her hands around Holly’s ample chest and sunk her fingernails into the blonde’s boobs! She scratched and clawed and when she lifted her fingers away we could see that her nails must be sharp as there were several bloody scores left and Holly was visibly distressed. As Cheryl leaned in to say something to the champ before she resumed her tit mauling Holly flung her head back and caught Cheryl in the nose, forcing her to break her death grip.
 
It didn’t break her nose or draw blood but it was enough to shake Cheryl up and allowed a gasping Holly to crawl forward and away, slowly pulling herself up in a corner of the ring. Cheryl got to her feet too and , enraged charged at Holly with another flying splash. This time Holly didn’t move but stood there and aborbed the impact and actually wrapped her arms around Cheryl and pressed the brunette’s thin features forward and buried them in the mountains of soft flesh that were her cleavage!
 
The crowd roared their approval at such a breast smother so early in the night and laughed as Cheryl’s arms flailed wildly as she recognised the trouble she had jumped into. While her arms couldn’t help, when Cheryl drove her right knee up in between Holly’s thighs that certainly caused a break and allowed Cheryl to stagger back, gulping in air. As both fighters struggled in the ring a third figure emerged and strolled down the entrance ramp – former glamour model Jordan (real name Katie Price). The balloon titted, brunette bimbo had bad mouthed, feuded with and fought with just about everyone in the UK Federation so it was something of a mystery why she had appeared here and now. She was clad in shiny leather Dominatrix gear. A spiked collar, a black Basque, her hair pulled back severely into a ponytail and thigh high black, stiletto boots while swatting a horse crop in her hand. She was certainly distracting.
 
In the ring both Champion and challenger cast questioning glance at Jordan as she stood at ringside before they charged at each other and after a flurry of forearm shots Cheryl was backed against the ropes and Holly was dragging and whipping her across the ring, Cheryl reversed it and just as Holly hit the ropes Jordan reached under the ropes to trip Holly so she fell on her face. Holly spun around and leaned over the middle rope to swipe at Jordan and remonstrate with her. That was a mistake as Cheryl hit the far ropes, returned with pace and jumped up to land right on Holly’s exposed lower back. Cheryl bucked a few times like she was riding a horse before getting off at the referee’s count. The ref backed her up and with his back turned Jordan took the chance to lash her horse crop right across Holly’s breasts. It was a vicious stroke that brought an anguished howl from the blonde and an ugly red line across her large tits. Cheryl came back over and pulled Holly to her feet by her hair, rested the underside of Holly’s boobs on the top rope then cruelly dragged them along the ropes, effectively burning the soft skin, eliciting another ear piercing scream. With Holly leaning on the ropes it was easy for Cheryl to lift her legs and tip her out over the top rope to crash to the floor beside Jordan, then as Cheryl distracted the referee Jordan stood over the Champion and fairly lashed her with the riding crop, striking her all over her body to great effect.
 
At this another female emerged at the top of the ramp and ran down the ramp. It was fat Kelly Brook, a pretty ex glamour model that had fairly put on the beef lately, Kelly was friends with Holly and she bounced to ringside and chased off Jordan. Then, with the referee seeing Jordan and admonishing her Kelly helped Holly to her feet, asked if she was OK, then buried Holly’s face in Kelly’s massive cleavage!
 
Jordan and Cheryl kept the referee busy while Kelly smothered the Champion into a state on unconsciousness in seconds then rolled her back into the ring. From there it was simple for Cheryl to walk over, place her foot on Holly’s chest and demand the referee count.
 
ONE.TWO.THREE.
 
The winner, in 7:30, and new UK Heavyweight Champion is CHERYL COLE. Jordan and Kelly get in the ring and hug the new champion before setting about further punishing Holly. Jordan is clearly in command and orders Cheryl to drag Holly toward a corner then orders the fat whale Kelly to clamber to the top rope and leaps off with a huge , ring shaking splash that completely engulfs Holly and crushes her beneath Kelly. When she gets up Holly is barely moving, Jordan orders Kelly to repeat the move a further four times and by the time the fifth splash hits Holly Willoughby is bleeding from the mouth and clearly has internal damage, probably a few broken ribs. Jordan, Kelly and new champ Cheryl pose over the broken form of the former champion and the American crowd boos the hell out of them.
 
We cut to the first of several promos from participants in tonight’s Royal Rumble match, that will play throughout the card. First up are tag team partners Cardi B and Nicki Minaj.
 
“Tonight Nicki, one of us is in with a great chance of winning the Rumble and getting a World Title shot. We should be making sure we work together to ensure one of us wins!”
 
“Yeah Cardi, one of us.”
 
“Of course you’ve had your shots before, haven’t you? I’ve never had a shot.”
 
“No? Well you better make sure you win tonight then, hadn’t you?”
 
The scene faded on the two abrasive rappers scowling at each other.

 
*
 

Backstage, Cara Delavigne is joined by Kaley Cuoco and Mayim Bailik. Kaley has patches over both her eyes (caused by separate attacks by Blake Lively at recent events) and is guided by her friend and co-star.
 
Cara: First up Kaley, I guess we all would like an update on how you are doing? What kind of recovery are you making?
 
Kaley: Thanks Cara. I’m doing well. The doctors think I should gain some vision back in both eyes eventually.
 
Cara: Well that certainly is good to hear. Now, with the nature of your injuries there has been speculation that you might not return to the ring, that you may be forced to retire. Can you comment on this?
 
Kaley: It is certainly a possibility that I may have to retire. But I can tell you this – I will have at least one more match in the Federation ring. I have just agreed with The Duchess today to wrestle at this years Bitchmania. I’ll be facing Blake Lively in a revenge match and my current disability won’t be a factor because it will be a Blindfold match!

 
*
 

On that bombshell news we return to the arena where Junior Heavyweight Champion Sophie Turner and her sister-in-law Priyanka Chopra are making their way to the ring to a loud chorus of disapproval. The sexy Pakistani made her debut last time out, interfering to assist Sophie overcome Miley Cyrus in her title match and helping to lay out Sophie’s former partner Maisie Williams after. And it is those two girls this tag team will be facing tonight. Priyanka and Sophie are in matching red one-piece swimsuits like something out of Baywatch and seem extremely self-satisfied and smug as they circle the ring then enter it and pose for the crowd.  Their opponents emerge looking pretty determined, Maisie in a black string bikini and Miley in a white one. They end up running the last few yards of the ramp and slide into the ring whereupon their opponents jump on them and start to beat them down. The ring announcer gets out of Dodge as the ref signals for the bell and this tag match is off to a fast start!
 
The heels stomped the hell out of Maisie and Miley and quickly enough literally, kicked Miley under the bottom rope to the floor then dragged Maisie to her feet to double team her. Sophie whipped her to the far ropes and Priyanka grabbed her on her return and slammed her into the mat with a big belly to belly suplex. Almost as her back hit the canvas Sophie ran in and jumped up to drop a leg drop across Maisie’s throat then spun round to cover her. She got a two count, Maisie just kicking out in time.
 
With the ref trying to restore order he ushered Priyanka to her corner just as Miley was pulling herself up to the apron, seeing this Priyanka dashed over and hit a running forearm to the back of Miley’s unsuspecting head, catapulting her off the apron and flying off to smash into and through, the announcers table!
 
There was uproar at ringside, Renee and JLH had to get up and step away from the remains of their desk as they continued to commentate while a trainer came round to check on Miley who was lying face down, unmoving in the middle of the debris. In the ring though Sophie had a rear naked choke on her nemesis and as goading her with the fate of her partner. She ground Maisie down with the choke then reached out to tag in Priyanka while she maintained the choke. Maisie was on her knees as Priyanka hit the ropes came back and just as Sophie released her hold, Priyanka drove the sole of her boot right into Maisie’s face. She followed that with another cover and again, somehow, Maisie kicked out at two. Undeterred the older, taller Asian woman easily lifted Maisie up by her hair then picked her up and slammed her hard in the middle of the ring before tagging in Sophie again. The redhead clambered to the top rope, measured the distance then leapt off with a flying elbow – that hit nothing but mat. Maisie just rolled out of the way at the very last instant. As Sophie rolled around in pain, Maisie crawled laboriously towards her corner but of course when she got there there was nobody to tag as Miley still lay in the shattered remnants of the announcers desk. As she knelt in her corner Sophie tagged in Priyanka who charged across the ring and drove her knee into the back of Maisie’s skull and slammed her face first into the middle turnbuckle. From there she hauled Maisie up, stuffed her head between Priyanka’s thighs and hoisted her up with ease into a powerbomb and absolutely slammed her down onto the mat. She could surely have got the pinfall there and then but spoiled brat that she was, Sophie needed to get the glory and reached in and demanded the tag. Priyanka accepted it with a subtle raising of her eyebrows but took it nonetheless and seeing Miley finally rising to her knees sauntered over there to grab her as she struggled up, hook her head and spike her into the remains of the table with a sharp DDT.
 
In the ring Sophie was toying with Maisie, slapping her, laughing at her struggles to get up before finally grabbing her and Irish whipping her into the corner. She followed up by running in , lowering her shoulder and going to spear Maisie in the corner but in a movement of flashing speed the raven haired 23 year old got her legs up over the charging Sophie and flipped over her, grabbing her arms as she went and rolling over into a pinning combination. The ref dropped to his knees and counted. ONE.TWO.THREE. as Maisie held on for dear life.
 
The winners in 5:45 are MAISIE WILLIAMS & MILEY CYRUS.
 
As the referee raises Maisie’s hand though Sophie leaps up and punches her in the head from behind, dropping her to her knees and the enraged Champion hooks on her choke again and with little resistance from Maisie, chokes her unconscious in a matter of seconds. She keeps the choke in place and Priyanka watches from outside and clearly gets and idea and picks up an equally out of it Miley and rolled her into the ring too.
 
Sophie was livid and literally had a tantrum in the ring as she kicked Maisie and stamped on her. Priyanka calmed her down somewhat then leaned in to whisper a plan to her. The red head nodded her agreement and clapped as the older woman picked up Miley and slammed her hard on the mat. Meanwhile Sophie tore off Maisie’s bikini top and wrapped it around her wrists behind her back. Once she had her foe securely trussed up Sophie laughed as she grabbed Maisie by her long hair and watched as Priyanka kicked Miley’s legs apart for Sophie to then thrust Maisie’s face right into Miley’s pussy and grind it humiliatingly in there. Then, as Sophie pulled up Maisie, Priyanka busied herself with kicking Miley over onto her front and when Maisie was forced down this time she found her face getting rubbed up and down on her partner’s asshole!
 
The heels left the ring when more officials came down and the last shot before cutting away was of a disgusted looking Maisie William’s coming round, still despite her abject humiliation after this tag team encounter she did have the knowledge that she had pinned her former friend and partner on live PPV.
 
To the back where Kristen Bell is joined by Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.
 
“Ladies, a couple of thing to get your thoughts on if I may?”
 
Taylor replies cooly.
 
“Like, whatever. Why else are you even here?”
 
“OK. Well firstly, I believe you have been granted a World Tag Team Title shot at next month’s big show, so what are your thoughts on that? Secondly, you are both entered in tonight’s Royal Rumble, for each of you a massive chance to win the World Title – a title you have held twice before Miss Swift. So what is the strategy tonight?”
 
“Dumb questions bimbo. Like we are going to tell anyone our strategy. All you need to know is that next month we will win the Tag belts and at Bitchmania one of us, most probably me, will win the World Title.”
 
“And what about Katy?”
 
“What about her? She is in the Rumble, she has the same chance as the other 28 participants. If she wins I’ll support her just like when I win she will back me. Isn’t that right babe?”
 
Katy nods enthusiastically and no one watching on is in any doubt that Katy Perry will be doing what she is told to do to help Taylor win the Rumble later.
 
*
 
Renee Young then addresses the camera from ringside (she and JLH have got a new, makeshift table to work from).
 
“Folks, there has been a developing story in the Federation in recent weeks concerning the former World Heavyweight Champion, Jennifer Lawrence.”
 
We cut to a short video package of the brutal way in which J-Law lost the title to Megan Fox last month and of Jen being wheeled away to a waiting ambulance.
 
“What no-one knew at the time was that that was not a legitimate medical vehicle. And as that night and the next day ran on there was no word of how Jennifer Lawrence was doing. Only then did we discover that no medical facility in the area had any record of her being admitted and that led to discovering that the ambulance was fake and that in fact no one knew where the former champion was. Given the extreme nature of her injuries after that violent match to Megan this was of huge concern. Then just this week we received the following recording. I must warn you that the footage is extreme and disturbing so you may want to look away now.”
 
The screen goes blank then fussy at the sides and we are shown CCTV footage. We can see we are in a bare, stone room. A female hangs in the middle of the room by her ankles. She is naked. Her shape, her long hanging hair and what can be seen of her face tells us this is former World Heavyweight Champion Jennifer Lawrence. She has an orange ball gag tightly jammed in her mouth, a blindfold covers her eyes. Both of her nipples have been pierced and have metal ring through them and hanging from both are what appear to be heavy weights as her breasts are cruelly stretched and distended downward. In her pussy is a plastic stick with a cable leading from it and from the jerks of the body you would suspect there are electric shocks being fed through it. Jen’s body is a mess of ugly, red bruises and welts and cuts. As we take in this sight off camera there is a sharp crack and a long whip viciously strikes her buttocks and there is a soft moan into the gag. At that the screen goes blank and we are returned to Renee Young looking solemnly at the camera.
 
“Disturbing and distressing I’m sure you will agree.But who is responsible for this? To date no one has claimed responsibility but surely one of the chief suspects has to be Scarlett Johannson, whom Jennifer had such a violent feud with recently and we are joined by her back stage now.”
 
Cut to backstage where Scarlett has a mic and is facing the camera’s and is clearly amused at the video of her nemesis that has just been shown. The camera stays on Scarlett as Renee interviews her.
 
“So, Scarlett, let me ask you outright – are you responsible for this outrage? Did you kidnap and torture Jennifer Lawrence?”
 
“No, Renee, I did not. I love it though. That bitch deserves all she’s getting and more, I’d like to shake the hand of…”
 
She breaks off as she is punched from behind and dropped to the floor by an irate Brie Larson (Jennifer’s friend).
 
“YOU LYING BITCH! Where is she?”
 
Scarlett begs off as Brie pulls her up and throws her into a door backstage. The door opens and Scarlett falls through and start runnning away as a fuming Brie shouts after her and makes all sorts of threats.
 
*
 
Before the next match we catch up with some more participants in tonight’s Rumble as Emma Watson lectures her Feminazi disciples as to what she expects from them later on.
 
“It is vital that we win this match tonight and use it to capture the World Title. We must bring sanity and order to this accursed place Given the number I have drawn I represent the best chance to do this so I expect you all to do your duty to ensure this.”
 
Ruth Wilson, Natalie Dormer, Nicole Kidman,Charlize Theron and Iggy Azalea all nod their assent. Emma turns to Iggy and says.
 
“And Iggy my dear, if you get the opportunity tonight you might like to ensure that that harlot, that jezebel, Jennifer Lopez poses no threat to my victory whilst embarrassing her yourself!”
 
*
 
Back to the arena and the regal strains of The Duchess, Kate Middleton’s music sounds but it is Eva Green that emerges and strides purposefully to the ring. She ignores the crowd and the official as she hauls herself up into the ring and stands glaring up the rampway for her opponent. She does not have to wait long as Beyoncé’s song  ‘Crazy In Love’ hits and the megastar emerges to a huge ovation and she sprints down the ramp, slides in the ring and these two fierce, warrior women are trading punches as the ref frantically signals for the bell.
 
These are heavy duty bombs they are throwing, huge haymaker punches and vicious knife-edge chops and neither combatant willing to give an inch. Eva breaks the barrage with a kick to Beyoncé’s gut and she fires in three unanswered chops to push her opponent against the ropes before whipping her across the ring. Beyoncé rebounded fast with a big knee lift just as Eva dropped her head to deliver a backdrop and as the French actress reeled away Beyoncé grabbed her head and leapt up to slam down with a leaping bulldog headlock. But Eva was not down for long and even as Beyoncé stooped over her to pull her upright Eva drove a hard punch up into Beyoncé’s gut, staggering her backwards into a corner. Eva was on her immediately and slammed her shoulder into Beyoncé’s gut repeatedly, then gripped her hand around her throat and looked to hit a chokeslam. But in quite the athletic display Beyoncé leapt up, wrapped her legs around Eva’s arm and took her down into an armbar submission and pulled back as hard as she could. And for virtually the first time in her tenure in the Federation, the Frenchwoman’s face betrayed the emotion of pain. The crowd saw this and roared Beyoncé on. Slowly, but surely, Eva managed to get a grip on herself and rolled over so that her opponent was pinned. Beyoncé rolled too to avoid a three count and that gave Eva the momentum to get her free arm under Beyoncé and showing impressive strength she lifted Beyoncé up (still holding her arm) and ran to the corner and threw Beyoncé into it with a powerful buckle bomb. That made the singer release her arm and as she laid in the corner an enraged Eva stepped back then drove in a series of powerful shoulders right into Beyoncé’s gut, then she pulled her out of the corner and Irish whipped her across the ring at a ferocious rate to smash face first into the opposing corner turnbuckle. We have rarely, if ever, seen the French actress this enraged, and she continued to be so as she stepped over her foe, straddled her chest, pinning her arms at her side and smashed in about twenty unanswered punches to Beyoncé’s face!
 
When Eva finally got up there was an gasp from the audience as the big screens showed a close up of Beyoncé – her eyebrow and lips were cut and bleeding , her left eye was almost swelled shut and in general her face was a wreck. Eva kicked her over onto her face then straddled her back, grabbed her hair by her ponytail and began a long, hard, cruel rubbing of Beyoncé’s face across the canvas. Once she was done with that she scooted backwards and reached forward to fit her hands under Beyoncé’s chin and just leaned and pulled back as hard as she could in a back breaking camel clutch. After a time her hands slipped and Eva hooked her fingers into Beyoncé’s mouth to fish hook her and in desperation the singer bit down on Eva’s fingers! That got a reaction alright and Eva yelped and sprung off, shaking her hand and cursing and swearing in French. If she was angry before, now she was livid and having shaken her hand violently she growled and strode over to her opponent and aimed a vicious soccer kick at Beyoncé’s head. Fortunately for her, she saw it coming and just had enough about her to roll over the canvas and fall from the ring. Scowling Eva then did another thing we hadn’t seen her do before as she began to climb the turnbuckle. She was slow and by the time she got up there Beyoncé had recovered enough to jump up to the apron and scamper up the outside of the turnbuckle to meet her at the top. They stood there and traded punches with the crowd roaring them on. It was evident Eva was not happy with her footing and she kept stumbling and that gave Beyoncé the chance to chop her in the throat then grab her and nail her with an exploder suplex on the outside, slamming Eva into the apron outside the ring ropes!
 
They both rolled to the floor but it was Beyoncé in better shape and she hoisted Eva up again over her shoulder and ran around the ring to jump and deliver a crushing powerslam right on to the bottom of metal ring ramp! She stood up and got a rousing reception from the appreciative crowd. Beyoncé then rolled into the ring and the referee started a count. She could have left things like that as Eva didn’t look like getting up anytime soon but Beyoncé didn’t want that kind of win and broke the count by stepping through the ropes and she stood poised on the apron until the Frenchwoman got to her feet then leapt off with a flying cross bodyblock. However, in quite the display of sheer power and strength, Eva caught her and ran and smashed Beyoncé’s back right into the outside ring post! She continued to hold her up before dropping her hard down over Eva’s outstretched knee in a cruel back breaker then dumped her to the floor. The ref was emploring them to get back in the ring by this point but Eva just scowled at him and stamped on Beyoncé’s back before dragging her to her feet and Irish whipping her at velocity right into the metal crowd barrier right on her back. Beyoncé arched her back and cried out. Eva ran at her and drove her knee right into Beyoncé’s gut then pushed her back against the barrier and laid in with more heavy bombs of punches before lashing in three vicious knife edge chops. She then pulled Beyoncé off the barrier and led her by her hair back to the bottom of the entrance ramp and tried to nail her with a piledriver on the floor. But Beyoncé was a hard job to get positioned and up and whether fired by fear or adrenaline she managed to backdrop her way out of the move, dropping Eva hard on the floor. Beyoncé crawled away and pulled her self up and into the ring as the referee started another fruitless count.
 
Eva eventually made it to her feet and pulled herself up to the apron but just as she stood Beyoncé sprung up and nailed her with a spear through the ropes that sent both flying to the floor. It was a bad landing for both but especially Eva who shot her arm back to cushion her landing and with a horrible snap managed to break her left forearm as she hit the floor. Eva Green crying and showing pain was something no-one had seen before but they saw it now as the brunette held her arm and tried to get up. Beyonce had zero sympathy and pulled her up by her hair, rolled her into the ring then grabbed Eva’s broken arm and twisted it hard behind her back in a cruel looking hammerlock!
 
In seconds Eva was unsurprisingly blubbing like a baby and crying out her submission. Beyonce kept the hold on longer than was necessary but eventually dropped her and celebrated over her.
 
The winner in 9:16 by submission is BEYONCÉ. And she is quickly joined by Meghan Markle and the Williams Sisters who hoist her onto their shoulders having seen Kate Middleton’s main enforcer being tamed and injured. We see a quick clip of an anxious Kate backstage and she looks more than worried, she looks a little scared!
 
*

There follows a series of quick vignettes with some of the other participants in tonight’s Royal Rumble match. First up are the World Tag Team Champions, Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock. The champs state that they are in the Rumble for themselves but that they will help each other out if they can and share a look that could be construed in lots of ways. Then we hear from Selena Gomez – last year’s winner – but she seems a broken woman, her series of losses to Taylor Swift seems to have shattered her spirit, especially as she gets asked about her experiences in the Haunted House last month after her loss, sobbing, she turns away from the camera and leaves. The last interviewee is not so cowed, Jennifer Lopez rather is totally fired up, in short order she tells us that she is not only going to take her revenge on Iggy Azalea for her treachery, that she is going to go after that ‘stuck up bitch’ Emma Watson and stick her feminist manifesto right up her ass and that then she is going to win the Rumble and go to Bitchmania to claim the World Title. By the end J-Lo is literally snarling into the camera nad you could not have had a great contrast to Selena’s downbeat effort beforehand.
 
 
*
 
Backstage there is disarry in the Royal Court dressing room, Eva Green is being tended to by an EMT and being told she will have to go to hospital. As distraught Kate Middleton is with Eva and insisting on accompanying her to the hospital, the thought of not having her much feared bodyguard is too much for the owner of the Federation to contemplate. And into this scene come Kate’s sister, Pippa Middleton, also  over excited.
 
“Oh Kate! What will I do? I was relying on Eva being in my corner tonight to make sure there was no interference!”
 
Kate looks around and glares at her younger sister.
 
“Oh for fucks sake Pippa! You are just dealing with that useless bitch Steph! Just deal with her, humiliate her, get revenge for last month and come see us at the hospital. Now get out of the way we need to get out of here!”
 
The music for the Royal Family hits and put strolls Pippa Middleton. The slim brunette is sporting a sleek, white one piece bathing suit and carrying a box, carefully in her right hand. She seems to be over her panic of moments ago and smirks at the crowd as they boo her entrance. She places the box on the apron and steps over to the announcer’s desk to get a microphone to address the audience.
 
“As you know I will be facing Stephanie McMahon tonight in a contest. I have decided that there will be a last minute stipulation – the loser will have to eat dog food!”
 
Pippa paused as the crowd reacted negatively. They knew that with Steph as the Royal slave for another couple of months this would be another abject humiliation for the former Federation owner. This was also clearly revenge for Stephanie getting the last word in her night of humiliations on Halloween when she was able to shove Pippa’s face in a dog shit on the pavement after she had been attacked by Beyoncé and her crew.
 
“Now dog food can be real dry so I went out earlier to get a little juice for it.”
 
The camera then shows footage of Pippa out and about with a plate of dog food and of her encouraging a couple of homeless tramps to jerk off onto it, spraying it with cum. There is a collective gasp of disgust from the crowd in the arena at this and it is followed up again with a gasp as Pippa lifts the box up with a flourish to leave the plate of cum covered dog food sitting on the apron. With an arrogant smirk Pippa continues.

“And now, let me introduce my opponent for the match, Stephanie “The Slave” McMahon!”
 
There is a pause as everyone turns their attention to the top of the ramp where, eventually, Stephanie emerges. She is nude, her hair is starting to grow back in and she shuffles along because her legs are in fetters and her hands are cuffed behind her back. Of course, no-one expected Stephanie to get a fair fight. She has been beaten and humiliated on a nightly basis since her huge loss to Kate Middleton at last year’s Bitchmania and the year long enforced slavery that came with the loss. She stumbles down the ramp looking forlornly at Pippa and the plate of dog food. And then slowly Stephanie lifts her head and treats her opponent to a broad grin. Why? Because behind where Pippa stands staring up the ramp shouting insults at Steph, Venus and Serena Williams have slid into the ring, both wielding baseball bats. They, along with Meghan Markle and Beyoncé have been leading an uprising versus the Duchess’s cruel reign and evidently Pippa is going to fall foul of them again. They swing their bats back and smash then into Pippa from behind,instantly dropping the English noble to the mat. The referee looks at the big, black tennis players with bats and thinks twice of admonishing them and at their urging he signals for the bell to start the match!
 
Stephanie has reached the ring and rolls in and somehow lays across Pippa anf the ref drops and counts. ONE.TWO.THREE!
 
The winner in 0:11 is STEPHANIE McMAHON. Venus helps Steph to her feet as Serena reaches down for the disgusting dog food and slides it over to where Pippa lays groaning. She tries to scramble away but which ever way she crawls a Williams sister with a baseball bat blocks her and eventually she gives up and kneels between them begging off.
 
 
“You made the match stipulation bitch, you lost now pay up!” demands a fired up Venus as she points at the dog bowl with her bat.
 
Pippa is literally in tears begging not to do this but that cuts no ice and as Serena swings her bat casually above Pippa’s head and with no-one to make a rescue Pippa has no option but to lower her head to the grotesque mess in the bowl beside her. She chokes and coughs as she takes stuttering little bites and is encouraged to swallow it down. By now Stephanie comes over and places her foot on the back of Pippa’s head and holds her face in the brown mush as Pippa tries to force herself to eat more. It’s an image that will be repeated for years as the posh Englishwoman cries with her face covered in dog food and semen as she struggles to chew some more.

*

 
Backstage and Cara Delavigne is with the challenger for the World Title tonight, Jennifer Aniston.
 
“Jennifer, If I may, this is not your first shot at the World Title but I wonder if this is more than just a title match to you?”
 
Jen sneers at the question and pushes Cara away, grabbing her mic as she does so.
 
“More than a title match? What do you think bimbo? That little cunt put me on the shelf for months! She did to me what I do to others and tonight |I will take my vengeance. You might want to apply viewer discretion because tonight will be hardcore!”
 
So we head back to the ringside area where the announcer introduces Miss Aniston as the challenger for the World Heavyweight title in this no DQ, streetfight. Jen storms purposefully down the ramp in her trademark denim shorts and white vest, swinging a bamboo kendo stick in her hand. The fans don’t really know how to react as this is a fight between two of the most hated women to ever fight in the Federation. Given all the brutal, nasty things she has done in her career Jennifer Aniston is not about to get much sympathy, yet it must be said her former partner is, if anything, even more despised. A fact confirmed when Megan Fox steps out to the top of the ramp with the title belt strapped around her waist. The fans are still livid that she managed to depose their favourite Jennifer Lawrence last month and completely hate Miss Fox for the countless acts of extreme violence she has unleashed on most of the good girls in the Federation over the past few years.
 
Megan is wearing a red, two piece bikini and staring at her former partner and seemingly in no hurry to go down the ramp, seeing Jen flourishing the kendo stick menacingly at her. Glaring and shouting at Megan, Jennifer realised that the champ was not coming to her so she would need to make the move herself and stepped out of the ring and stormed up the ramp brandishing the stick with evil intent. Megan saw her coming and stepped back through the curtain and as Jen went to follow her there was an audible discharge and foam sprayed out and hit Jennifer right in the face, blinding her and driving her back. Megan emerges holding a bright red fire extinguisher which once she had finished spraying in Jen’s face she runs over to the blinded challenger and rams the metal cylinder to the side of her head , knocking her down and dropping her kendo stick.
 
Megan grins as she neatly lays her World title belt on the stage then pulls Jen up by her hair, grips her head and nails her with a DDT right onto the belt! Jen is out and the bell hasn’t even rung yet! Megan takes her time pulling Jen’s vest and shorts off, leaving her naked and face down on the stage. Megan posed and picked up the kendo stick, showed it to the booing crowd then proceeded to absolutely lash Jennifer’s back, shoulder and ass with it, striking her viciously over 30 times! Her pales skin quickly bruises and went into ugly red welts and by half way through she had come round and was yelping and screaming but Megan just pounded her harder until the cane snapped in half. That gave Aniston a moment’s grace and desperately she rolled and ended up rolling all the way down the ramp, sprawling at the bottom beside the ring. Megan picked up her belt and stalked down the ramp, waiting until Jen got unsteadily to her feet before running and smashing the belt right into her unprotected face!
 
Megan lifted the belt up and showed it off to the loudly booing arena crowd. She carefully laid the belt on the ground beside her opponent and as Jen groggily got to her feet, Megan climbed the steps and stood, poised on the apron. As Jen looked up we could see that she was busted wide open above her left eye and blood was dripping down her face.  Megan stood poised, above and behind her prey and jumped off with the intent on delivering a Bulldog headlock on Jennifer right onto either the title belt or the concrete floor. However just as Megan committed to running along the apron and leaping off Jen collapsed down still reeling and Megan could do nothing but crash on her own back on the unforgiving floor!
 
Jen saw the bump as she wiped blood from her eyes and realised this was her chance and forced her beaten and bloody body up. She staggered over and kicked Megan in the ribs before pulling her up, stuffing her head between Jen’s thighs and pulling her up and over for a powerbomb but instead of dropping her to the floor Jen turned and dropped her right on the hard edge of the ring apron. Jen held on as Megan gave off a cry and she re-asserted her grip before turning, lifting her up and moving over to drop her in another powerbomb right on the bottom of the metal, entrance ramp! The champion lay flat on her back after these three hard bumps in succession but Jennifer was not done with her yet – not by a long shot! She grabbed Megan by her long, dark hair and began to drag her up the ramp with minimal resistance, by the time she had led her right to the top Megan had enough about her to scratch at Jen’s legs to try and force a break. Jen responded by kicking Megan in the gut and as she doubled over she undid Megan’s bikini top then lifted it up and wrapped it tightly around her throat and garrotted her with it. It made for quite the sight as a fully naked and bloody and beaten Jennifer Aniston stood behind a topless Megan Fox and choked the life from her. Megan’s hands felt desperately for something, anything to help her and finally fastened up one end of the broken kendo stick. She grabbed it and stabbed it upwards and caught Jennifer right in the forehead with the jagged, broken end. Jen screamed and fell backwards, holding her hands to her head. Hands that were swiftly coated in red.
 
Megan knelt puffing and panting, getting her breath back before forcing herself up to her feet, unwinding her own top from around her marked throat. She moved over to Jennifer and kicked her and stamped on her and when her hands came away from her face we could see that the entirety of her face and hair was absolutely covered in her own blood! It was brutal, as bloody as we had ever seen someone in the Federation and a vile, cruel smile passed across Megan’s face as she gripped the broken stick and deliberately spiked it into Jennifer’s forehead again and seemed to dig it in deeper!
 
Despite the fans long standing hatred of Jennifer Aniston they booed Megan as loud as they could for this violent behaviour. She seemed to like that. She took her bikini top and wound it around Jen’s wrists behind her back then literally kicked her onto her side and kicked her rolling down the ramp right to the ring, leaving a bloody imprint everytime her head bounced on the ramp or the floor. Casually Megan picked up the second broken piece of the kendo stick and soaked in the boos as she strutted down the ramp.
 
Megan pulled Jen to her feet and rolled her into the ring and undid her wrists long enough to wrap her arms over and between the top and bottom ropes and used the bra top to tighten Jen’s wrist on the right hand side to the ropes. Jennifer was virtually helpless, her face coated in her own plasma but she raised her head enough to spit towards her smirking former partner. Megan took the loogie on her cheek and mouthed “Thank You” before taking the broken ends of the stick in either hand and jamming them up and into the soft under side of Jennifer’s boobs. Megan ripped and tore and scraped and scrathed until Jen’s torso was as bloody a mess as her face. Jennifer howled and writhed but the ropes held her arms in place and she could do nothing to halt this assault. Megan finally relented but she leaned in and whispered to her former comrade before brutally jamming one of the broken ends right into Aniston’s cunt!

The crowd gave a collective gasp at this latest horror and it was uncomfortable watching Jennifer writhe manically as she was tortured like that until finally she passed out from the extreme pain. The ropes held her up but her head slumped and she went still other than a few spasmodic twitches. The referee got in as Megan removed the stick and frantically checked the challenger before calling for the bell to be rung, bringing to a close on of the bloodiest slaughters ever witnessed in a Federation ring.
 
The winner in 12:02 and still World Heavyweight Champion is MEGAN FOX. The brunette beauty struts around the ring holding her belt aloft as she gets unmercifully booed, with Jen still stuck in the ropes Miss Fox gets a further idea and rolls out of the ring and grabs a folding, metal chair and re-enters the ring with wicked intents. She swings the chair viciously, connecting with three crunching chair shots to Jenifer’s unprotected head before the referee and entering EMT’s managed to wrestle it away from her. At that Jennifer comes free of the ropes and collapses unconscious on her face in a pool of her own blood.
 
*
 
The camera cuts away abruptly and we return to the perils of former World Champion Jennifer Lawrence. The blonde is still naked as she was earlier and is staked to the ground facing downwards. She is shivering and shaking and struggling to keep her head up as beneath it is a large, watery, shitty puddle. The camera pans around to film a set of boots, (black stiletto boots) as they walks up to J-Law, carefully lifts the right boot and casually places it on the back of Jennifer’s head. She shakes and whimpers as the foot slowly presses down and forces the blonde into the water making sure her nose and mouth are submerged. The boot holds her in place like that for 30 seconds before allowing her relief but as the film fades to black we can see the boot being pressed again the the back of J-Law’s skull.
 
*
 
Backstage at the arena Kim Kardashian seems in very upbeat mood as she enter’s the bosses office. Of course Kate Middleton and her cohorts are all away and Kim acts all surprised to find her half-sister, Kylie Jenner reclining in a chair at Kate’s table.
 
“Why Kyls whatever are you doing in here?” asking Kim in a playful voice.
 
The 23 year old Kylie spins around in her chair to reveal her tiny mini skirt around her waist and her hand playing with her pussy as she answers.
 
“Just trying is out for size….”
 
*
 
Elsewhere Kristen Bell has caught up with a jubilant Megan Fox before she goes to the doctor’s room herself.
 
“Megan, have to ask you. How can in good conscience live with yourself after what you did out there? That went beyond reasonable surely?”
 
Megan smirked at the petite blonde and spoke in a calm, calculated, evil voice.
 
“I’m sure you have seen Jennifer Aniston do the same or worse before. I would save your pity for someone that deserves it. But I do have a message for old Jen once the doctors sew the old hag up. More a challenge actiually. If she wants she can get another title shot next month. But it will come with a cost. A cost I doubt she’s willing to pay.”
 
“And, er, can you tell us what that is?”
 
“Yes, my challenge is for her to meet me in a barbed wire ropes match. And the loser will be shaved bald. That’s right if she wants another crack at my title she needs to put up the most famous head of hair in the world!”

*
 
So we come to the final event of the evening, the second annual Royal Rumble match.  30 women will battle it out get the much coveted Challenger’s match for the World Heavyweight title in the main event of Bitchmania.
 
The ring has been cleared of debris from the previous match and the mat cleaned of blood as well as was possible and the lights are dimmed and a buzz of anticipation goes through the arena as the ring announcer explains the rules. Finally, music hits and the first participant appears. It is PINK and she struts confidently to the ring looking every inch the bad ass rock chick she portrays. As with last year participants enter the Rumble nude so it’s  great opportunity to admire the singer’s body as she steps through the ropes and awaits the second entrant. It is newcomer to the Federation, HALSEY, and this tattooed singer confidently struts to the ring. In many ways she’s like the younger version of Pink and as they face off in the ring and the bell sounds they are very well matched. They lock up – and then slip into each others arms and start snogging and kissing and fondling each other in the centre of the ring!
 
Wow this is some hot and heavy lesbian action as their hands roam all over each other’s bodies and they begin to finger fuck each other in front of the live (and PPV ) audience! Everyone seems entranced by the action so that even these hardened fight fans are disappointed when the buzzer sounds and participant 3 makes their way to the ring. It is JENNA LOUISE COLEMAN and the posh English actress seems in a lousy mood, most likely due to the bad night The Royal Family has suffered already. The brunette marches to the ring, steps up to the apron and starts to berate the two kissing singers. Audibly calling them “disgusting, low life dykes”. As she enters the ring though Pink and Halsey break apart their embrace and nail Jenna with a double clothesline, then pick her up and whip her hard into a corner, first Halsey follows in with a splash then in short order Pink too and she ends the move by licking her tongue down Jenna’s body before in one short, sudden movement ramming her right fist up and into little Jenna the prude’s unsuspecting pussy! Between them Pink and Halsey guided Jenna out of the corner, all the while getting unwillingly fisted and as Halsey lifted Jenna up onto the ropes Pink literally fisted her up and over the ropes until she hung, upside down over the ropes and Pink pulled her hand free and Jenna crashed to the floor. The crowd loved that elimination and cheered all the more as Pink held her fist up and she and Halsey proceeded to lick it clean as the buzzer sounded again.
 
Emerging then walking down the ramp is the buxom frame of NICKI MINAJ. The black rapper steps over the prone form of Jenna and stares into the ring where Pink and Halsey have broken off from another kiss to hold hands as they watch Nicki. Nicki takes her sweet time, realising she is outnumbered and twice goes to roll into the ring only to roll back out as soon as the twosome in the ring come towards her. This frustrated them and the crowd and they began booing Nicki’s reticence to enter. Halsey stepped back and allowed Pink to sit on the middle rope to mockingly open the ropes to allow Nicki to enter. Nicki though continued to stall until the counter began again and she was going to get some company in entering the ring. It reached zero and the buzzer sounded and running out from the back came ARIANA GRANDE!
 
Of course Ariana and Nicki had been great friends and teammates before falling out and conducting quite the nasty feud. The younger singer still has scores to settle and as Nicki stands at ringside cursing her luck, Ariana runs down the ramp, jumps on the steps and leaps off to nail Nicki with a flying clothesline, she hauls Nicki up and lashes her with a series of chops before rolling her into the ring where Pink and Halsey stomp the living hell out of her. The crowd love this and roar Ariana on as she nips up to the apron and as Pink pulls up Nicki to standing Ariana springboards to the top rope and dives off – only to be intercepted and caught by Halsey and spun around into a ring shaking belly-to-belly suplex!
 
Nicki lashes her foot back and breaks Pink’s hold on her and drops her with a snap DDT before running across the ring to splash an unsuspecting Halsey in the corner. With them down she kicks Ariana in the head and pulls her up and over to the ropes and tries to hurl her out. Somehow the younger woman gets her legs around the ropes and blocks that despite Nicki’s efforts. They are struggling like that when the buzzer sounds again and this time the new entrant is SANDRA BULLOCK. One half of the World Team Champions, Sandra strides confidently to the ring, enters and drives a knee into Nicki’s back, halting her assault on Ariana. Sandra concentrates her offense on Nicki, pounding her with a flurry of punches and kicks and backs her into a corner, whereupon she steps up to the middle turnbuckle and stands over the hated rapper and the crowd count along as Sandra nails her with ten unanswered punches. However, Pink is recovered enough now and gets behind and under Sandra to hoist her onto Pink’s shoulders and steps to the middle of the ring before falling back with an electric chair manoeuvre, dropping Sandra hard to the canvas. Halsey follows this up with a jumping elbow drop before springing up to plant a kiss on Pink’s lips. That backfired as Ariana came up behind them, grabbed them by their hair and cracked their heads together just as the buzzer sounded again.
 
And our next entrant, making her debut in The Federation is DUA LIPA, the 25 year old singer should become quite the favourite and she gets a nice ovation as the brunete sprints to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope, where upon she engages in an energetic trading of chops with Ariana. In the corner Nicki puts a stop to Sandra's attack with a forearm driven up between the older woman's thighs before hooking her arms over Sandra's thighs and running out of the corner and dropping her with a powerbomb. By then Pink and Halsey are up and they nail Dua and Ariana from behind and start to beat them down as the countdown shows again for the next contestant. It's CARDI B and the crowd show their disapproval for Nicki's tag partner as she hurries to the ring and helps Nicki pull Sandra up and put her on Nicki's shoulders and Cardi hits the opposite ropes and runs back with a flying forearm that knocks Sandra off Nicki's shoulders and over the top rope to bump hard to the floor. That is a big elimination, one half of the World Tag Team Champions gone! Cardi and Nicki share a high five then hang back to watch Pink slam Ariana on top of Dua before jumping Pink from behind and tring to fling her over the ropes. The blonde manages to wrap her arms in the ropes to stop going out and by then Halsey was over to brawl with the blacks to save her. As the four brawl while Ariana and Dua lay on the mat the counter hits and the next competitor emerges, LADY GAGA.

Gaga races down the ramp, hops up to the apron then athletically leaps to the top rope, waits for Nicki to turn then springboard off with a missile drop kick half way across the ring to flatten her. In one fluid motion Gaga nips up to her feet, dodges Cardi’s clothesline attempt before jumping up to wrap her thighs around Halsey’s head and spinning around with a head scissors that sends her sprawling over the ropes. Halsey manages to save herself on the outside of the apron but Ariana Grande nails her with a superkick and sends her flying out! Enraged Pink charges at Ariana but she ducks her and flips her out to the apron too, whereupon Gaga mimics Ariana’s move by super kicking Pink off the apron to land on Halsey! Seconds later Nicki and Cardi are on the other two and Nicki squashes Gaga in one corner as Cardi hits an running butt to Ari in the other. The buzzer sounds and out comes SCARLETT JOHA NSSON who speeds to the ring, meets an attack from Dua Lipa head on, blocks Dua’s punch before kicking her in the gut and grabbing her by the hair and propelling her over the top to crash to the floor. As she goads the rookie, Nicki and Cardi combine to try and whip their foes into each other head first. But Ariana and Gaga leapfrog each other and launch attacks on their attackers in opposite corners. Ariana slams a hard forearm into Nicki’ face and follows with a flurry of blows. Gaga meantime, had driven a knee into Cardi’s gut before stepping back and hitting a series of martial arts kicks culminating with a vicious spinning mule kick that drops Cardi on her fat ass. She gets no time to enjoy the upper hand though as Scarlett hits her than drops her with a nasty looking DDT as the buzzer sounds again.

Next to the ring is the first of the Feminazi’s in the Rumble, NICOLE KIDMAN. The statuesque Australian struts to the ring and is met by a fired up Ariana who hits a drop kick but that doesn’t drop Nicole and she catches the singer on her next attack, grabbing her throat and nailing her with a ring shaking chokeslam. Nicole’s next challenge is harder though as Cardi and Nicki kick her in the gut and hook her for a double suplex that rocks the ring. Elsewhere Scarlett is trying to get Gaga over the ropes as the counter hits and the next warrior woman emerges - GAL GADOT. Gal runs to the ring and goes straight after Scarlett and they engage in an enjoyable exchange of punches then chops until Gal has Scarlett against the ropes and she tries to tip her over them. Nicki hauls Ariana up by her hair and flings her over the top rope but Ariana grabs on and manages to land on the apron and, quick as a flash, hooks Nicki's head in a guilotine and tries to pull her over the rope. From behind Lady Gaga joins in and between them the diminutive pop stars get Nicki off the mat just as Cardi rushes over and slams into Gaga, but this momentum also bounces Nicki up and over the ropes and Ariana makes sure she can't find the apron so she crahes to the floor and out!
 
As this happens the buzzer sounds for our next combatant and RITA ORA emerges and strolls down the ramp. She passes an angry looking Nicki on the ramp who is watching the replay of her elimination on the big screen and clearly thinks it is in some part due to her partner's actions. She stops and heads back to ringside and calls out to Cardi and remonstrates with her. This disctracts Cardi and allows Ariana and Gaga to nail her from behind with a double dropkick to the ropes and just as Rita enters the ring she flips Cardi up and over to crash to the floor where she gets up and goes nose to nose with Nicki and they curse and swear at each other wildly. To the crowd's annoyance, referees get between Nicki and Cardi and seperate them and they walk angrily back up the ramp cursing at each other. Back in the ring Rita is trading blows with Gaga, Gal is brawling with Scarlett and Nicole is trying to tip Ariana over the ropes but she is holding on desperately. The buzzer sounds again and our next participant is revealled as CAMILA CABELLO, the popular Hispanic singer skips to the ring and slides in and goes straight after Rita, pulling her off Gaga, whipping her to the ropes and athletically nailing a spinning headscissors that sends Rita spinning out of the ring , crucially under the bottom rope though. Camila gets little time to celebrate though as behind her Scarlett has raked her fingernails across Gal's face to get away from her and she grabs Camila by the hair and tosses her over the top rope. Camila lands on the apron but from outside Rita grabs her ankles and pulls, causing Camila to drop, smacking her head on the apron before crumpling out to the floor. Rita smirks and slides back in just as Nicole whips Ariana across the ring towards the ropes, Rita casually pulls the top and middle rope down and Ariana flies over them and drops hard onto Camila on the floor eliminating her too.
 
The buzzer sounds and out strides CHARLIZE THERON as the next entrant. She's the second member of the Feminazis in the ring and she immediately gets with Nicole to attack Lady Gaga pounding her relentlessly in a corner then picking her up and the two of them run across the ring while holding Gaga above them and fling her like a lawn dart up and over the top rope to fly then crash and burn, landing hard on the bottom of the metal entrance ramp! Charlize, Nicole, Rita and Scarlett then decide to form an uneasy alliance and proceed to batter Gal Gadot for the next minute or so, just beating her up with punches, slaps, kicks and other assaults until the buzzer sounds once more and the crowd erupts as at last some aid comes for Gal as BRIE LARSON races down the ramp! Brie storms into the ring and gives it straight to the four bullying heels, smashing them all with wild, hard punches, getting them off Gal. Nicole reels back against the ropes from Brie's attack and Gal nips up to her feet and runs at her, hitting her with a lariat that sends the Aussie flying up and over the top rope to crash to the floor. On the other side of the ring Brie does pretty much the same to Charlize and send the South African flying from the ring too! Brie then locks up with Rita who tried to eliminate her from behind and Gal and Scarlett wrestle on the ropes as the buzzer sounds again and this time DEMI LOVATO emerges to cheers.
 
Unfortunately Demi came out just as Charlize and Nicole angrily made their way up the ramp and the two Feminazi's shared a look before grabbing the bubbly brunette by her hair and pulling her back to the top of the entrance way where they both grab her throat with their hands and lift her up before dropping her off the stage in a hellacious chokeslam that is only broken by a wooden table ten feet below then the cold hard ground! Demi lay motionless in the debris as the crowd voice their displeasure at the blonde heels. Meantime in the ring it is becoming a tag match with tornado rules as Brie and Gal take on Rita and Scarlett. The highlight of this section being Brie and Gal hitting a double shoulderblock that send Rita flying across the ring but the singer manages to stay within the ropes. The buzzer sounds and Rita should get some aid as next in is her partner RIHANNA. She is no hurry to get in the ring though with the faces in command, hitting a big double suplex that flattened Scarlett. From outside Rihanna speaks with Rita and hands her something and it turns out it was a pair of brass knucks as when Gal Gadot comes over to pull Rita up she hits her with a knucks assisted punch that lays the beautiful Israeli out! At that Rihanna slides in and tackles Brie's ankles as Rita pulls Gal up and dumps her unceremoniously out to the floor.
 
At that the buzzer sounds and the next participant is revealled as KATY PERRY, and the blonde runs down the ramp and joins with Rita, Rihanna and Scarlett to overpower Brie Larson, each of them hitting a move, Rita nailing her with a superkick, Rihanna a legdrop, Scarlett drops an elbow on her and finally Katy straddles the blonde and engulfs her face with her large boobs and smothers her. After 30 seconds of that it is childs play for them to pull an out of it Brie to her feet and toss her out of the ring like a piece of trash just as the buzzer sounds again. Next out is NATALIE DORMER, another smirking member of the Feminazi's, she struts down the ramp and sneers at the prone body of Brie as she passes her before sliding into the ring. We now have five heels in the ring and despite teaming up to beat Brie and Gal seconds ago they quickly turn on each other with Rihanna and Rita attacking Natalie while the buxom pair of Katy and Scarlett brawl and battle on the other side of the ring. Rihanna grabs Natalie from behind and holds her for Rita to punch but Natalie is fresh enough to duck away at the last moment and instead Rita's brass knuckle aided blow smacks her partner on the chin instead. Rihanna drops like a stone and Natalie drives a headbutt into Rita's face to back her off.
 
The buzzer sounds again and next into the battle is JULIA ROBERTS, the other half of the World tag Team Champions. The ring holds no friends for her but she still slides in and heads straight over to where Katy is struggling with Scarlett on the ropes and in fact helps Scarlett out over the top rope and punches her on the apron to drop her to the floor. Not sure Katy appreciated the assist though and she went straight at Julia with chops. Natalie is struggling to get Rita over the ropes on the other side of the ring and Rihanna is on the canvas struggling to get her head together. Julia quickly gets the upper hand on Katy and drives her back into a corner and actually steps up to the second rope and rains down multiple punches to her foe's face. Help comes for Katy with the next entrant to the Rumble though as straight after the buzzer sounds TAYLOR SWIFT runs to the ring slides in and smashes Julia in the back. Swift and Perry will challenges for the Tag Team belts next month and are clearly going to try and soften up Julia here. The former World Champion helps Katy down from the turnbuckle, steps back, measures where Julia lays then steps up with one of her trademark punts to Julia’s head! Wow that was absolutely devestating! Katy gets down in Julia’s face and taunts her before straddling her and burying Julia’s face in Katy’s massive cleavage.

The buzzer sounds and next out is MARGOT ROBBIE and as she slides into the ring she finds herself going up against Rita while Rihanna battles Natalie. Across the ring Julia looks done, her arms limp with her face still buried in Katy Perry’s boobs. Taylor demands Katy release her and hold Julia up so that she can deliver a second skull crunching kick. Taylor then pulls Julia up and holds her for a piledriver while Katy climbs the corner before jumping off to nail a brutal spike piledriver, jamming Julia’s head into the canvas.

The ring is starting to fill up and next to join the battle is NORMANI. The black singer sprints to the ring and gets straight into the action helping Rita and Rihanna get the upper hand on the two blondes, eventually getting Natalie and Margot by the hair and cracking their skulls together hard. Over the ring Taylor and Katy have a lifeless Julia Roberts dangling over the ropes, each with an ankle and they wait until Julia hangs straight down before dropping her and she takes a horrific looking bump, dropping right on her head outside the ring. They will have certainly weakened one half of the tag team champions before the big title match next month. However, as they celebrate Normani rushes over and clotheslines them and very nearly gets both up and over the top rope, they just manage to stay in the ring as the buzzer sounds and we welcome another entrant, it's another Feminazi, RUTH WILSON. The ice cool brunette strides to the ring and meets Rita Ora with a vicious thrust into her throat before ducking a punch from Rihanna then picking up speed to spear Normani in the middle of the ring. As she does that Taylor and Katy have recovered enough to charge at Rihanna and double clothesline her up and over the top rope to eliminate her! This leaves Rita on her own and Taylor and Katy double team her with a series of kicks and stomps before tring to fling her from the ring. Elsewhere Margot, Natalie and Ruth do a number on Normani too, beating her down and softening her up. The buzzer sounds and the crowd comes alive as JENNIFER LOPEZ is the next entrant to emerge. 
 
J-Lo sprints to the ring and slides in and grabs Margot Robbie by her blonde pigtails and slams her face into a corner pad ten times! Natalie grabs Jennifer's arm to stop the assault but, quick as a flash, Jenny drops and sweeps her legs from her and nips back up in time to level an advancing Ruth with a spinning leg lariat. She's all action and next she starts on Taylor and Katy, going from one to the other with a series of wince inducing chops. As Taylor and Katy reel away Rita Ora struggles to her feet and smiles a look of thaks to her would-be saviour, Jenny returns it before grabbing Rita's hair, running across the ring and sending the English singer sailing up and over the top before crashing to the floor eliminated. Also to her feet by then is Normani and she charges across the ring at J-Lo who sees the attack coming and calmly sidesteps it and sends the black singer also out and over the top to crash down on top of Rita. As the crowd roar their approval the buzzer sounds again and the fourth from last entrant makes her appearance and the crowd cheer big again as SELENA GOMEZ steps out onto the stage. Last year's winner has a determined look on her face and two major rivals in the ring as she power walks down the ramp. Once she is inside the ropes she goes straight after her old foes, kicking Taylor in the gut before doing the same to Katy then dropping her with a snap DDT.

Elsewhere the numbers seem to have caught up with J-Lo as the other three have managed to subdue her and forced her to her knees, Margot smirks before stopping to give her a mocking kiss on the lips however, as she steps back Selena races across the ring and tosses Margot out of the match! That costs her though as it allows Taylor to get up and drive a knee into Selena’s back, taking her down. The buzzer sounds and this time it is the leader of the Feminazi’s that emerges as the permanently smug EMMA WATSON strides down the ramp. Seeing her seems to spur J-Lo on and she leaps to her feet, punches Taylor to get her off Selena then spins around to smash a head butt into Natalie Dormer’s face before eliminating her just as Emma rolls in. Jenny goes straight for her but is intercepted by Ruth Wilson with a blindsided clothesline that stops Jen in her tracks. Emma stands over the downed Jenny and spits on her, as Jenny reacts Ruth gets behind her and puts on a rear naked choke to hold her down before Emma kicks her in the crotch! The buzzer sounds and the 29th entrant is more bad news for Jennifer as it’s her turncoat former friend and partner, IGGY AZALEA. The Australian sprints to the ring and joins her cohorts in beating down Lopez.

Elsewhere Taylor and Katy have subdued Selena and push her against the ropes before wrapping her arms in between the second and top ropes. Despite her efforts they manage to trap her and proceed to pummel her belly and tits. Taylor laughs as she orders Katy in with her breast smother but at the last second Selena manages to get her legs up and wrap them around Katy’s head and drag her up and over the ropes to crash to the floor. Selena goes too but managed to catch herself on the apron. Raging Taylor charges over but Selena kicks her in the gut through the ropes then hooks her arm over Taylor and in quite the show of strength lifts her for a suplex from the apron. Selena hooks her leg around the ropes and heaves her mortal enemy up and over and out, eliminating her. Somehow Selena hangs upside down, her leg in the ropes and she just manages to pull herself back up and the buzzer sounds for the final time and entrant number 30 emerges. It’s BLAKE LIVELY. Blake runs to the ring and slides in just in time to grab Selena by the hair as she manages to pull herself into the ring. Blake transitions to grab Selena's head and runs and drives her face into the canvas with a running bulldog headlock. Across the ring J-Lo is being pummelled. Ruth, Emma and Iggy takes turns punching slapping and chopping Jennifer up against the ropes. This serves to get the crowd right behind the Latino megastar and from somewhere Jenny blocks a punch from Iggy, drives a kick into Emma's gut and drops her head to flip a charging Ruth Wilson up and over the top to eliminate her!

Meantime Blake Lively is hauling Selena Gomez to her feet and has her half over the top rope, she doesn't register that J-Lo has broken free and is caught completely unaware as Jenny rushes over, grabs her from behind and chucks her over the top to eliminate her. So now we are down to the final four and J-Lo heads straight for Emma but gets intercepted by Iggy and the two former friends start brawling as Emma heads over to Selena and tries to finish off what Blake was trying in getting her over the ropes. However, last years winner hangs tight and after a struggle reaches back to jam her finger into Emma's eyes to get her to back off. Selena slides off the ropes and slams a few forearms into Emma and backs her into a corner and checks the road is clear but whips her across the ring to the other corner. Fired up by the cheers of the crowd Selena signals to them then charges corner to corner with a leaping splash. But Emma moves at the last minute and Selena hits nothing but turnbuckle. She reels away and, ever the opportunist, Emma hits a running clothesline that finally sends last years winner up and over the rope to crash to the floor. She turns to see that Jenny has the upper hand on Iggy and runs over to drive a knee into J-Lo's back to take her down. Emma urges Iggy up and the two lifts Jennifer and hoist her up for a double suplex that crashes Jenny on her back in the middle of the ring.

Taking charge Emma orders Iggy to ascend a turnbuckle but as she does Emma bends down to taunt Jenny, Jenny suddenly comes alive and shoots her hand up to grab Emma around her throat and powers to her feet as the English girl struggles and in a real display of power Jennifer hoists Emma up and chokeslams her up and over the top rope to land, hard on the apron. One kick later and Emma Watson is eliminated and we are down to just two remaining competitors in this years Royal Rumble. Iggy is perched on the turnbuckle as Jenny turns around and the blonde leaps off and levels Jenny with a flying clothesline. Psyched up Iggy kicks J-Lo then goes for the ultimate humiliation by squatting over and lowering her naked ass onto J-Lo's face. But Jenny is not so far gone to attempt that type of stuff and she just gets her feet up and uses them to propell Iggy up and off her and into and nearly over the ropes! The Australian rapper manages to hang on though but Jennifer nips up to her feet and as Iggy turns around Jenny hits her with a picture perfect dropkick that sends Iggy up and over the ropes and out!

The winner of the ROYAL RUMBLE is JENNIFER LOPEZ!

As the bell rings and the winner is announced Jennifer celebrates in the ring and Iggy glares daggers at her and there is no way they are finished with each other, but for now Jennifer Lopez has snared the prized opportunity of a World Title match at Bitchmania V as the PPV goes off the air.